Hi...

Hi
I'm new here and I have been going through the worst period of my life the last couple of weeks. I have been dealing with regret, shame and fear for the future. I'm so regretful for things I've done, for my darks secrets to come out. I keep thinking of what's gonna happen when people find out about my lies. I just feel like I don't want to wake up the next day, I've been crying so much lately and nothing make me happy. I just to enjoy music, movies, baking and I can't any of that anymore. I feel like whats happening is what I deserve for for of all being a compulsive liar, although I have stopped with that ever since I realized my problem I haven't told a lie. My lies were never about anyone else just about myself and "pretended" relationships.
I have cried so many times and wished I didn't wake up the next morning, I don't feel like I deserve to live, good people are taken from this earth and here am I a liar living and still breathing.
I would just want the pain to go away and the couple of last weeks which is when I realized there is something wrong with me and I woke up from this way of behaving, realized my actions I haven't found peace with myself. Everyday is a nightmare and every second is painful and is eating me alive. One second its the regret that hits me, then after a moment its the fear and the catastrophic future of what might happen if people find out, then its the shame and the guilt. It's like this horrible circle that never leaves my body, head and heart.


Has anyone experienced something similar, how did you survive this?

Love and peace

Hi
I’ve lied some in my life but not the root cause for my GAD. I do share the feelings of hopelessness with you. IMO you need to make amends with these people or situations that have led you to lie. I take it to be one of the hardest things you will do, but seems necessary for recovery.
Beating yourself up about mistakes will make the pain worse, focus on your amazing ability to change instead.

Josh