ANXIETY VS SENSITIVITY

Hi, I'm a newby, first of all, the reason why I start to write at this forum is because I just watch pyschological movies and I just realized that maybe I need to talk in a forum to share my experience with the anxiety attack. Maybe this would help me, and help people out there, xo.

I have this kind of sensitivity, where bad things just popped out in my head and then it's just gonna happen in a few days. To be honest, I hate it. That's the reason why I am an OCD person. I often wash my hands bcs I think that it could clean the bad things that might happen to me. That's sounds crazy, isnt it? But when I stop doing that, bad things just start to happen again to me.

When I see something awful and accidently inhale to breathe, I have to found another object that is quite similiar and exhale 3 times to that object to clean the bad things. that is even crazier than you think and it's just driving me crazy but I cannot stop.

Here is the reason why I cannot stop doing that :
My father passed away a year ago, and I was always been "Daddy's little girl". Several days before his death, he talk to me and my mom "please give me a red carpet when I'm coming home" and he was laughing. My mom thought that it was a joke, but I thought otherwise, like he's gonna coming home to God in a red carpet. 2 days before that conversation, he passed away and he was being lay down above the red carpet in my house. non sense huh? But it feels real.

Then, it's happening again 1 month after my father died. When I took a shower, my head was just playing the memories when I attend someone's funeral. 4 days later, My Grandma passed away and buried in the same cemetery that was played in my head.

Conclusion is, those experiences are GROSS and driving me crazy until now. Everytime something pop up in my head, I got so scared and anxiety just hit me right in the face.

What happen during the anxiety attack?
I feel like i'm going to die soon. It feels like I'm dying or somebody watch me while I'm sleeping, or somebody walking beside me, and when I look at that direction it was gone.

Everytime I miss my father, idk why, I just wish I die soon. But, when I'm happy, I wish I live longer.

How to stop this sick feeling? When I talk to my Grandpa, he said that it's a gift, that I'm sensitive (but not a medium). I often dream about my father, he just there and not talking. But lately, I feel like he's going away. Idk, is it just me being crazy or insane? Hahaha, but seriously I need help. Everytime I got into fight with my mom, I wish I die and meet my father. But, that is way to creepy bcs I am afraid of dying, LOL. Is it a mental disorder or what my Grandpa said is just def right??? Still need help, anyway. But doesnt know where to go.

Anyone want to give an advice? Thanks, that would help a lot.

I don't know much about precognition, but I do know from observation, that it seems that when we look for patterns, we'll find them.... and anxiety can feed off that and make me hyperaware of all sorts of things. Which reinforces whatever I believe I need to be anxious about at the time....