New and Overwhelmed

Hello. I'm a 19-year-old girl in the US, and after feeling entirely overwhelmed today, I decided to find a forum to vent. Hopefelly just writing this will make me feel better, but I'd appreciate any advice.

I've been diagnosed with anxiety and depression, and I've been dealing with them since middle school. I'm currently on medicine (20mg venlafaxine, self-medicating with Tynelol PM for sleep). I'm in the off-season for college right now, which lifted a lot of my school-related anxiety... but somehow I still don't feel better. My mind finds things to be scared about: if I pet my dog, I'll have an unbidden thought about what I'd do if he died, and no matter how hard I try to tell myself the thought is nonsensical, it sticks with me and scares me for the rest of the day. I feel guilty about everything... if my sister didn't do chores, I'll feel guilty when she gets in trouble, because I should have done it and saved her. I apologize constantly, for how I feel or for things I do, which makes people irritated, and then I apologize for making them mad... It's all a terrible cycle.

On top of these "nonsense" fears that follow me, my family is in turmoil. There's constant fighting, stemming mostly from my parents, and there's a very real chance they'll divorce. And of course, my anxiety kicks in- how will my family support itself without two working parents? How will I afford to keep going to school? I'm very overwhelmed with it all... to the point where someone speaks to me in the wrong tone of voice and I cry. I'm just not sure how to get myself together...

I apologize for the length of this. Thank you, if you've read this far.