Finally addressing sleep with doc, i'm scared

25 year old woman a year out of a very emotionally abusive relationship that lasted 7 years.

Finally, I am able to focus on my health. Was tested for a life long issue and the result made sense. What everyone throughout my life had always joked off saying I must've been ADD or ADHD, had always been in fact anxiety. But instead of "panic attacks", I shut down. I could instantly fall asleep. Can't focus. Everything slows down. Its even hard to hear. If I were to walk into a cluttered room and told to clean it, I would instantly get overwhelmed, shut down, and it would never get done. Finally got a doc who listened and wasn't going to throw another antidepressant at me. They've never worked out well. So now im on adderall and no more shut downs. Its wonderful actually feeling competent.

I finally gave in though and scheduled an appointment in two days. For the past year I've had intermittent depressive episodes. Crying for a day straight, exhausted and wanting rest, but not wanting sleep. Why no sleep? Its not that I can't sleep, but sleep itself gives no rest.

Since I was three years old I have had vivid dreams every night. Could literally still tell you every detail of some dreams from 4 years old. But they aren't always good. Sometimes the dreams are traumatizing. If I'm lucky, they will be simply a chase plot, or forgetting my pants, or being lost, or having no food. Those are the better ones. This is EVERY night. 3-5 full plot dreams every night. After a bad night I wake up exhausted, just wishing they could stop. And I think this non restful sleep is feeding the depression. But it's what I'm used to. I truthfully have no idea what it's like not to dream.

Still trying to get my feet under me after the split, stress is at an all-time high, and I need every scrap of sleep and sanity I can get. So I think it's time to bring it up. Why the dreams. Can it be fixed, and is it actually a problem or am I wasting the doctor's time by worrying about it or wanting answers? I don't want to be a 25 year old with a bunch of diagnoses and meds. I just want to feel good, or two even just feel normal.

Hey new here, so forgive me if I'm doing this badly

My question is: Can you sleep now with your new meds? Did anything change with your "exciting/exhausting" dreams?

The reason I'm answering your post is, that since I was 12 I had major difficulties sleeping. Sometimes I didn't sleep at all (fell asleep in school every afternoon - was great for my grades ^^)
In addition I started being depressed and therefore was in and out in therapy since then.
Frustratingly I couldn't cure my sleeping disorder and the therapists weren't instructed at all.

But fortunately I finally got a new therapist who actually cared about my sleep. Long story short, I got new meds 4 weeks ago, and feel great since 3 weeks.

And now real the reason for answering you (having quite a hard time getting to the point):
Since this new meds kicked in I have dreams the way you described them. What amazes me is that I feel empty most of the time and quite rarely am able to feel something. And even if I feel something, the feeling is very weak. But in these new dreams I started to feel deeply. Suddenly I get overwhelmed by happiness, anger, fear and love. That's very special to me and unknown territory. Obviously I love love love the dreams with positive emotions. But the way you described your dreams is the unwanted part in my new dreaming-experience.
My dreams get so weird and uncomfortable sometimes, I'm really wondering where that is coming from. Well, that's not near what you're experiencing for such a long time, I only had 3 weeks of it.

Are you dreaming about things that happened or are you just having strange dreams about imagined events? Sorry, I'm curious
And another noisy question: So you have Depression and Anxiety since your young?

Take care

So... Amidst all that was going on, I started having bouts of hopelessness. Days where I couldn't stop crying and couldn't find a way out. I don't want to kill myself, but just wanted out of my situation. Talked to doc and she was more concerned about that vs. Sleep. And put me on Wellbutrin XL 150, which is known to have strange dream side effects. Then again, how could that be much different than it was currently? She wasn't sure that we could stop the dreaming, but with less stress maybe the content would be more tolerable.

They say you don't notice a difference until week 3 or 4. But I felt it right away. It was almost like my range of emotion just didn't go to that end of the spectrum. That was nice. I still had the thoughts that had made me feel hopeless, but they didn't stop me in my tracks, not seem so horrible. The first few days I had a headache and nausea, but that passed quickly.

As for sleep. The sleep didn't change. Most of my most regular dreams were still there. General themes of trying to get to a place and the roads are wrong or there's a horrible obstacle or I'm not sure where my next meal will be. The violence was still there as well but less frequent or vivid and devastating. But more often I am dreaming not myself. It might be the fact that I'm a writer, but I'm dreaming entire plotlines as if I am in them. For example I dreamt I was a 19 year old make college student taking a semester off to discover the dark secrets of the city I grew up in. I saw everything vividly and felt it the same. Discovered symbolism in the hometown and yadda yadda. Another dream was me as a sorority girl making a dangerous pact with the roommates. These complete plots are unfurling in about an hour and a half of sleeping. Then I go back to sleep and keep dreaming. Usually I am myself in my dreams. So that's changed. Over the past week and a half the hopelessness is creeping back up. I start out my day happy and motivated, and in the afternoon or evening there's a 50/50 chance I'll be sinking back to hopelessness again. Dreams have gone back to the prior usual. Talked to the nurse today and they are upping me to 300mg a day. We will see.