My best friend needs me to be with her all the time

Hi everyone =^.^=

This is my 1st message, si I will make a short introduction.

I am 26. I live in France. I am student in engineering. And I live with my best friend C (30 years old). We are in very good terms together.

C's story is verydark: she used to have many violences with her family. She burnt bridges with her father, and she communicates very little with her mother (she is too overprotective). We moved in the same home (just C and me), and we live very well together.
Problem: in last Summer, her traumas were back: she tried killing herself many times, psychologists in my country are very bad, her health is not stable, and she is unemployee. Her daily life is not busy, she has a lot of spare time.
I sometimes need to go abroad from France to do some important missions, without her. And when I am not at home, she feels bad. She can lose her voice, or be very weak, or even try killing herself.

Today was the worst, and I decided to intervene. She saw herself dead!
I need help, and since I can't find it in France, I came in a foreign forum. English is not my mother language, but I am strong in English.

Thank you for your help.

Kelly

Hello. I'm very sorry to hear that your friend is going through this tough time. I know it must be extremely exhausting and frustrating for her--I'm sure it must be exhausting and frustrating for you as well. It's extremely unfortunate she cannot receive good mental health services where she is.

Your friend has been through a lot, according to you, and she hasn't had the chance to start the healing process of it all. It's good to hear that you can be there to support her. I mean this with all of my heart. However, her health is not your responsibility. You must also be able to keep functional in your own life, for your own health, and there may need to be some boundaries set here to assure mutuality in your friendship with her. Self-care is also important. That's not being selfish, it's being well.

However, you wouldn't want to leave her with nothing, and neither would I. Perhaps the two of you can look for some other support services for her? Perhaps groups? Perhaps peers? Perhaps even online forums? Perhaps community events? It sounds as if she really needs support, also, of people who have been through similar experiences as her. Help doesn't come in the form of just hospitals or professionals, there's many other types of support that I hope is available somewhere in your country. She needs that support force of several people, of kind and understanding people around her, so she can also learn how to emotionally support herself. I'm sure you've done so much for her, but I think it's time she be able to see that she can live without this torment shoving her back down all the time.

I'm not very familiar with France, I'm in California. But I'm familiar with different alternatives to help support people. I don't know if you will have similar things, but I hope so. She's going to need more than an answer or two on an online forum.

Thank you for your message =^.^=

Her situation is worsening, and we are wondering if there can be a neurological cause... she has more and more difficulties to walk, she has more and more frequent headaches, ...

I seriously worry about her, since she can become dependent on me! and in this case, my missions abroad could become impossible... and these missions are linked with my work.
I need to leave France the 5th March. It can look selfish, but I will leave her alone for my mission (10 days).

I am back, and not with good news.

She is worsening. Some of her problems (not exhaustive list):
- serious problems to remember something (even an instruction she was given 30 s before),
- serious problems to do things, even very easy ones (as preparing pasta),
- serious problems to manipulate items (for instance, she can't order cards when we play poker, and she often drops cards, coins, keys, ...),
- her organisation is worst (she is doing a lot of mess, so she can't find what she looks for),
- she has autistic troubles,
- she does some little noises b moments and without knowing,
- her balance is horrible (she sometimes falls on the ground without any obstacle),
- her moves are as slow as she was 80 yeas old,
- ...

We have met a lot of doctors and psychologists, and almost all of them say "everything is fine". They all deny the facts.

She has a serious handicap. And I am still helpless.

Kelly

Sounds to me a little like borderline personality disorder comorbid with clinical depression. Unfortunately she will have to do something outrageous to be admitted to a hospital before they may take her seriously.

When you get home just give her a big hug and sit next to her in silence. BPD people need validation, live, and care from others to feel good about themselves when they are in a funk. She may not be able to bring herself off the precipice but you sound like a caring friend.

Also remember this is not your job or responsibility to fix her issues.

Some news (I haven't gone here for ages): because of my professional trips, I was less able to take care of my friend. We had a clear discussion: I know her level of handicap is high, but I stopped taking care about it.
According to the laws of my country, knowing we don't have any family relationship: if something bad happens to her (even a suicide), the law can't attack me. I have no responsibilities on her.

My trips didn't change her, she is still as unstable as in the past months. But my own life is taking me too much time to look after her.

KellyAlexia wrote:Some news (I haven't gone here for ages): because of my professional trips, I was less able to take care of my friend. We had a clear discussion: I know her level of handicap is high, but I stopped taking care about it.
According to the laws of my country, knowing we don't have any family relationship: if something bad happens to her (even a suicide), the law can't attack me. I have no responsibilities on her.

My trips didn't change her, she is still as unstable as in the past months. But my own life is taking me too much time to look after her.

This could be a case of Borderline Personality Disorder, but also could be many other things. Unless she seeks professional help by a licensed professional, this will be hard to diagnose. Does your healthcare system there have any means for psychiatry? Is it universal healthcare? At this stage, she should seriously seek help before it is too late.