How are you feeling today?

Daggone, supposed to leave all that behind on your day off...

Ah well sometimes it's going to happen. Sorry to hear about that. Hope it gets better soon. Vent at me in pm if you need to. You know I often feel your pain when it comes to work $#%^.

Overwhelmed

I’m feeling relieved that I talked myself out of a panic attack beginning to form as I was driving.
As I noticed symptoms of blurry vision, headache and a constricted throat, I told myself that it’s not a stroke - and the blur? You need to clean your glasses lens! Keep going, you will live. It also helps to know that my dear mate would come to my aid if I went over the line.

I used to have wicked panic attacks- I am starting to have them again, in a small way- but I'm also at an age where things really could be wrong with me, ha. But anyway in my 20s I had wicked, full-on panic attacks that would hit out of the blue, and it took me finally standing my ground and riding them out (instead of retreating from wherever it was that I was having it at), to make any headway with them. I just decided that since I knew it was a panic attack, I wasn't fixin' to die, and I didn't care I wasn't going to mollify it with retreating. Eventually they subsided.

Snaga wrote:I am starting to have them again, in a small way- but I'm also at an age where things really could be wrong with me, ha.

Pretty much the same with me. I had my first, at least I think it was the first, panic attack about 20 years ago. I didn't really know what a panic attack was at that time, and I felt like I was having a heart attack, but I told myself, that's crazy, I was just too young. But to be safe, went to the doctor to check my condition. Internal issues checked out normal, so I was diagnosed with anxiety. The doctor's words? "You're a mess." Her remark made me feel worse about myself. Not exactly healing words! I found a different general practitioner after that that could respect and understand me. Sadly, it's not the first time a health care worker has reacted like that after the outcome was a panic attack. One nurse got mad at me when she found out that I wasn't on any psych meds. It was like it was my fault and I wasted her time. The last time I went to the hospital for heart attack-like symptoms, the doctor was very understanding and told me that I was safe there at the hospital, and will continue to be safe after returning home. Those were healing words. Nowadays, I think health care practitioners are better at dealing with anxiety disorder patients.

Now I'm at the age where a heart attack or stroke could happen. I still have onsets of panic attacks every once in a while. I use the mental tools to bring myself down from a full out panic, which is to say to myself that I'm not dying, having a stroke or heart attack. It's ironic that now I could actually have something other than just a panic attack, but being relaxed can only help to prevent any of these problems.

That is true; being wound up is liable to bring about that very thing. And the past year has been rough.

Well for the past... well since about last December I've had on-and-off palpitations what feel like extra beats or something, twitches- which my other muscles do a good bit of at times, for that matter. So yeah dropping dead has really been on my mind. I haven't toted around a heart monitor, but a office visit returned a 'perfect' EKG and so far they haven't called me back and told me my blood work was a train wreck, so... fingers crossed. I have finally given in on some meds for mood/anxiety and we'll see if those do me any good- it's been less than a week, and I hear Lexapro takes several weeks to really kick in. I'm not impatient or anything, just curious- and hopeful.

I got aired out about self-medicating with alcohol- I was reminded (I forget) that alcohol's a stimulant and drinking for stress and depression and palpitations might produce... more palpitations...

Which it helped with them- at first. Then it had no or opposite effect. Okay so that made sense.

My BP was high but I suspect they're waiting to see what my happy pills do with it, before starting me on that life adventure (taking BP medication). Historically I've had decent blood pressure but hey it's 2020**

** yes I know what year it is on the calendar but 2020 is the gift that will keep on giving for a long time- just call this 1 A.T.T.- that's year one 'after twenty twenty'

Not good. I couldn't sleep last night apart from a few hours and I've got these paranoid thoughts which have almost taken me over. I become convinced that there is a conspiracy to hurt me, and then I realise after talking to a relative that it can't be true.

The medication I'm on is useful, but it doesn't seem to be enough. I've been scared. I can't concentrate. I feel better when I write - that's really the only time when I feel ok. Or when I'm talking to people. Sometimes it's the tiredness.

I'm hanging on by my fingertips and I'm going to keep hanging on. Good wishes to everyone else reading this.

paranoiaproblems wrote:I'm hanging on by my fingertips

All you can do. We have to hang on, therefore we do.

Thanks, Snaga, and you're quite right.