How to calm down quickly?

Greetings all,

I'm a new member here, and am asking for tips on how to calm down quickly.
I could probably write a book about my anxieties and panics, but I would just provide a few details instead. Grew up in a very religious Christian home in a former Soviet Union (oh the irony). Father was a substitute minister of a very large (1000 members) church (Baptist, similar to Menonites here in the US). My dad did not believe in talking about problems. It was beatings (hit on the face with his hand or sometimes a slipper, belt to buttocks) for anything wrong. A bad grade in school would be punished. He would later tell me, this was because the Soviet Union considered religion to have a dumbing effect on kids minds, so to prove it doesn't, I would get beaten for bad grades, to learn not to slack in school. As a result, I became a bit sporadic. I would get A's (5's in the Soviet Grade system) one day, and get an F (2 ) the next. I would hide my grade book, create a duplicate copy so the parents would not find out, but they eventually would, so beatings would continue.

To make matters worse, I got picked on in school. I was a shy boy, feeling out of touch with my classmates (I was religious and they were not), out of touch in my family (it was best to be hidden fro my dad's sight). So, I was an easy target for school boys, since I was tall, did not fight back and it probably made some smaller kid proud to beat me up or to 'put me in my place'. I honestly felt like I could not fight back. I supported this view with religion (Jesus said to turn the other cheek), but it messed up my self esteem.

After immigrating to the US, when I was 14-15 yrs old, things changed for the better for me. Noone picked on me. I was an immigrant kid. Luckily for me, I met some good Polish kids in High School, although I remained an outsider (I did not believe in partying, sex before marriage, etc... at that time).

Fast forward, today, I'm 40 yrs old, married, ex-Christian atheist, developing fears and phobias. One phobia I have is fear to be far from home, ultimately, fear of death. Although I lost my religion, I harbor fears that Christianity may turn out to be right and that I'm going to die and burn in hell for ever and ever. This ambiguity drives me to panic sometimes. It is especially scary when I experience perceived danger (such as flying for my work).

It is in these moments, I need to know how to calm down quickly. So far, I have been encouraging panic to overwhelm me and this has worked for me at times. At others, I have convinced myself that I can't get out and am doomed. How do I calm down?

Also, I feel like I am using my history against myself. I feel like I'm punishing myself like my dad would punish me for my wrongs. In a sense, I am alienating my child. How do I stop?

Hi,

I totally understand where you're coming from - my anxiety is through the roof most of the time, and I've had conversion disorders happen (my anxiety induced real seizures, and I don't have any sort of seizure disorder)

Some of what you're saying sounds like you could be fearing death, along with your ex-religion, because of self-esteem issues. You may feel [irrationally] guilty about the religious part of it, or some stuff in your past.

Anxiety tends to go hand-in-hand with something else - like low self-esteem, PTSD, low self confidence, etc.

Some of the stuff you mentioned (about phobias) sounds a little paranoid as well that could be because of severe anxiety.
Paranoia + Anxiety are a crappy mix, so here are some of my tips for it:

First, this link is a quick coping technique. It has worked for me and my ex-girlfriend very well!

http://www.therapistsb.com/blog/post/5- ... -technique

Another tip is deep breathing. Yeah, it sounds lame, but it's worth a shot! Inhale for 3 seconds through your nose, then exhale through your mouth.

Another tip is distraction. Listen to some music, read a book, try to really focus on something.

Most of all, try working on your self-esteem and confidence. It's almost as if, to some extent, your mind believes you should have something bad happen to you. If you can work on yourself and start thinking "hey, I have nothing to be afraid of because I'm a good person and don't deserve to be punished!"... but it'll take some time.

Also, for the record, just because you aren't religious anymore does not make you a bad, evil, or immoral person. I know you probably know that, but maybe your subconscious does not.
Try to get involved in some sort of activity that will help you feel good about yourself, if you want!

I hope this helped, anxiety is horrible and is hard to conquer. It takes practice, but it'll get easier!

either lying down, sitting or standing, put both hands on your stomach, breathe normally and feel your belly rise and fall until you feel calmer. Look up STOP (Stop, Take a breath, Observe and Proceed), simi

Music is always one thing that has helped me. If I'm at home, and I get anxious about something or another, I turn on some musical. Mainly classical. Classical music is used by professionals to help people relax (I can send you some if you want). I'm fortunate enough that I can listen to music while I work. Even other forms of music can relax me. Find something that you enjoy, whatever genre, and it can generally relax you.

About the religious thing. I know someone that had a lot of problems as you. Started off Christian, became a LeVeyan Satanist, went to Atheism, went back to Christianity for over fifteen years, and is now a Buddhist. What he did, very recently, before he converted to Buddhism, is he went and talked to people of every religion he could. Not just ordinary people, but Priests, pastors, Rabbis, he talked with Hindu and Muslim people of their religion (I'm sorry, I don't know what the proper terms for them are), and he talked to a Buddhist monk also. He thought Buddhism sounded the best.

He still fears that Christianity is the real one out of them all though. He gets depressed and has panic attacks thinking about it. It keeps him up at night as well. Sadly, there's not a whole lot of advice I think I can really give in this situation. I've been an Atheist for years, and I absolutely abandoned Christianity about a year after I became a Christian.

Hope this helps. Stay strong.