Feeling cr@ppy :(

Hi,

I am not supposed to drink as it does not mix too well with my medication and is not good for my general mood. I have been drinking and last night I drank too much. I went to bed and forgot my medication. Today I feel terrible. Sure I have a hangover but what I really mean is that I feel in despair. Thought of suicide are flooding back, I hate myself, I feel that people are ganging up and plotting against me, my head is spinning with 'other people's' thoughts. I feel crap at my job and anxious I am going to be found out and fired. I think that my wife is going to leave me and I am going to grow old alone.

I guess what I am getting at is that one missed dose of medication and I go from almost fully functioning to a complete wreck. That is after taking my morning dose. I am longing for tonight's dose so I can start to feel 'normal' again. I am under no delusions my medication is keeping me sane and I must stop drinking again.

BM

Dear bognmonster:

Lack of sleep aggravates symptoms, changing of routine aggravates, withdrawal from medication aggravates symptoms (it is not necessarily so that the medication helps but that stopping the medication/ withdrawing hurts). For symptoms of anxiety, I find, best to keep certain habits ongoing, stick to a routine, the same ways of doing things.

You've been catastrophizing, something I do a lot, imagining the sky is falling down. I was taught in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) that catastrophizing is one category of distorted thinking. Please relax best you can. This agitation will pass. Take it one moment, one hour at a time and you are very likely to be okay.

atina