I'm wondering if I have an anxiety disorder

Hi all,

I'm a 26 year old female and been experiencing anxiety symptoms for quite some time. I thought I'd come on here and ask what you all think about my lifestyle. It's a lot easier than talking to a doctor... I've been contemplating talking to one about my concerns but I keep putting it off because I don't like going to appointments. I always avoid them unless I have no choice. It doesn't help that I actually rarely go out. My job involves working at my own desk in my room, so the only time I do go out is when I walk to my boyfriend's house. I do everything I can to avoid going out and avoid taking on responsibilities that involve leaving my house. That doesn't make me feel good because I feel selfish. I wish I was a more active and helpful person but I find it impossible.

Going out isn't pleasant, I don't enjoy it. I experience skin crawling and itchiness and feel my body tighten when passers by are near me and the sound of traffic makes me feel on edge. To be honest, I can't remember the last time I went out with friends. I don't really have any friends anymore because I purposely avoid them and socialising with people in general. I never even go on social media anymore... I've not always been totally against socialising though. Although I'm a shy person, I've enjoyed days out with friends very much in the past, but I feel most comfortable and truly myself when I'm alone in a room with four corners, doing my own thing. I never get bored and find things to occupy myself with very easily.

Now on to my other problem... I spend every morning in the bath for over 2 hours. I place each of my toiletry products in a certain position in the bathroom, and they have to be placed this way every single day. The majority of this time is spent removing every bit of hair from my body by shaving or plucking. I have very dark thick hair which grows back really quickly and I'd feel disgusting if I left it. I know this habit is disrupting the start of my day massively. I'd much rather be getting on with my work than wasting time in the bath. It's not even like need one. I never go out so I know how pointless it is having one. Trouble is, I can't stop myself. I've had a bath every day for about 9 years now, and I know that missing one day would put me into a state of panic. It used to only take me 30 minutes when I was younger, but my time spent cleaning and shaving has gradually increased over the years. A couple of years ago it took me about 1 hour, but now it takes 2 hours. I feel this time has increased as I've become even more fussy. My skin is even suffering from it. It's often red, sore and scarred. Once again, I feel I need to express that I don't enjoy doing this at all. I've turned it into a step-by-step routine of 11 steps which I always follow in the same order every day. It helps to stop me getting bored and when I finally reach step 9, 10 and then 11 I feel relieved as it means my 2 hours in the bathroom is nearly over. It's a chore I wish I didn't have to do, but if I didn't, I'd get moody, irritable, and be unable to get on with my day. After my bath, I often spend time making sure my room is perfect before starting work too, e.g. cleaning my floor and desk and making sure there is no bit of dirt in sight. This wastes time too and makes me feel frustrated when I see it's nearly lunchtime and I haven't even started my work yet.

Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you so much.

Hi Overthinker (I love the name!)

Thanks for your post! Here on PsychForums we can't actually diagnose, but we can give you some feedback.

I have anxiety, OCD, and I'm mainly recovered from agoraphobia, and I've had similar experiences becoming physically sick when leaving the house, spending hours in the bathroom, etc. What you're feeling isn't uncommon--those are relatively common experiences for a lot of people, and the good news is, there's help and there's DEFINITELY a way to improve your quality of life. You might hate to hear it, but my best advice is to call a doctor. I understand that you don't like to go to appointments--I used to suffer from agoraphobia, and so a doctor offered to do a session via phone call rather than in person (since I couldn't go to her office); would you feel comfortable talking to a doctor over the phone about this, at least initially?

(My aunt once called my mom to gripe about her day and she was going on about the people at work and then she was saying, "Oh and you know how it is when you have to go to the bathroom at work, then you have to wash your hands, then you wash them again, then you wash them again, and they you look at the clock and realize you've missed an hour of work?" My mom said, "I'm hanging up. You call a doctor right now and tell them exactly what you told me, and then call me back once you're done." That's how I'm feeling right now )

Again, I can't diagnose, but I think what's important is that you feel unhappy with the way your life is and you know it could be much more enjoyable and stress free. I'm here to tell you that it IS possible to go outside, leave your room, go see doctors, go on social media, feel comfortable going out with friends again, take 30 minutes in the bathroom again, etc. This definitely sounds much more severe than normal human anxiety, but again, it's nothing too uncommon and any professional you talk to will understand what you're going through and be able to offer you help. There are a lot of resources on the internet for minimizing the feelings you're having, but the most effective thing you can do is to talk to a doctor, they'll help you get going in the right direction. As anxiety-inducing as calling a doctor may be, it sounds like you're progressively getting more anxious as time goes on. (And again, a lot of medical professionals will understand what you're feeling so if you tell them "I don't want to go to appointments because ____" they'll understand and find a way to help you that helps you remain comfortable.) Pushing yourself through an anxiety-inducing experience is hard, but sometimes it helps to visualize your goals: you'll be able to spend less time in the bath, if you missed a bath you'd be all right, you could go out for dinner with a friend, etc.

Maybe it's cause you're reminding me of me, but I'm worried about you and I want to make sure you regain control of your life! Let me know if I can be of any help (ex. don't want to see a doctor, looking for resources, need a pep talk, need to vent) free to PM me