Anxiety ruining schooling.

Getting straight to the point my anxiety is ruining my college class. I only have one and I've missed over 6 classes now and I don't even wanna go anymore because I am so embarrassed but I cannot quit or drop out of it because my mother would literally kill me. She payed for the class and forced me into it against my will and sat outside the classroom the first day so I could not leave. I emailed my professor that I have been having a lot of heath issues and anxiety and begged him if I could do anything to fix my missing days, and he told me I should drop out and try again when I feel better. I just can't do that. I can't get passed my mother and tell her that Oh I dropped out of class because I had bad anxiety,it was to bad. She believes I am making it up and would punish me severely. What can I do?? I'm becoming so depressed because I feel that I am so worthless I can't even attended one class and get a decent grade in it. My teacher wants to talk to me later and I am so nervous about facing him and saying that. This is the first time I've had this many panic attacks in one year and its not even over ! I have a lot of heath issues that trigger my anxiety and right now the ones that are diagnosed are not plesent to deal with( bad ulcer and fluid in ear causing bad amounts of vertigo.) My whole family doesn't understand this. I've been missing church and flaking out of people because I just pannic the minute I step out side. Heck sometimes I pannic just SITTING IN MY BED ROOM! I can't get a therapist because mom thinks there scam artists and I am broke beyond belief. and I need to get theses classes done or I cannot attend my program next year for radiology putting me back a whole year or two. Ill be 27 or 28 by the time I graduate. I feel pretty awful about the whole situation and I desperately need advice. What can I do??

Dear Regretfullheart:

Your mother is a big part of your problem and a huge reason why you started being anxious in life from the very beginning. Like many parents, she is behaving as if your anxiety has nothing to do with her and she is an outside observer who.. doesn't understand why you are anxious... when in reality it is her doing that made it so.

You wrote that your mother will literally kill you. Did you mean that? What punishment are you afraid of?

And how old are you? I suppose you lived your whole life so far with your mother, correct? What is the role, if any, of your father in your life?

atina

I am 22, My mother is very scary when shes angry and unpredictable in punishments. I know she will scream at me, but she can also kick me out of the house take away everything even stuff I own. She can embarrass me publicly. She can do a lot. Shes even show to still be willing to hit and I guess my fear I have had of her my entire life has caused my not to be able to stand up to her... I depend on her for a lot right now because I have some heath issues.

My dad is merely someone I talk to twice a year if that. So not much. He is busy with his own children. But hes not a bad guy. I couldn't live with him though, he has enough of his plate.

Dear regretfulheart:

I believe I commented on your child abuse thread, please read my comment there.

It is very regretful indeed that your mother caused your health issues and now you are dependent on her as an adult. Very unfortunate.

The harm she did to you, she already did. You are afraid she will cause you more harm, but frankly, she already caused you as much harm as she can.

What you fear WILL happen if she found out... already happened. She already greatly damaged you.

She is not likely to kill you because she needs you so to release her steam, as she has all these years. She needs to keep you alive so to use you as her pressure valve. This is so very, very sad and I do feel great sadness for you and for so many children and adult children in your situation.

Plan your way away from her, no longer living with her, no longer being in contact with her. Healing is there. Please take best care of yourself that you are able.

atina