Nervous and anxious all the time

I'm so sick of it. I worry that people talk about me behind my back, that they find me weird or boring, that I'm one of those people strange enough for people to only hang out with me because I'm the unpredictable "clown".

I'm just sick of it, I'm sick of worrying, I'm sick of preparing myself mentally to make a single phonecall, I'm sick of feeling like a bitch if I've been quiet for a short while. I'm sick of doubting myself and my own abilities constantly.

The thing is I don't think I have social anxiety, I'm anxious about pretty much everything, including social stuff. But I'm completely comfortable talking to strangers and I love parties. I just worry what they think of me after the social interaction even though it went fine.

I've become monotone at work from saying the same stuff over and over again, and I feel like it makes me a really boring individual and I can't keep up with the banter my coworkers make.

I'm aslo extremely stressed out due to a lot of obligations, not a single day of rest. I want to crawl under a rock and just ######6 give up.

Dear NostalgicAndLonely:

It seems to me that you internalized the voice of a very critical parent/s and now you criticize yourself a lot. (The Inner Critic).

I was wondering, your user name has Nostalgic in it. Are you nostalgic about a part of your past? Your childhood?

atina