Immobilized

Anxiety has me on the ground and the black dog is standing over me ready to rip my throat out at any second. I felt it creeping up from behind 2 days ago and it pounced on me yesterday and I knew to get ready because it was going to knock me into next week. I can't answer the door; I can't answer the telephone and I will only leave my house for very specific things and then I have to talk myself through it. If someone, and I don't give damn if it's friend or foe has the audacity to show up at my door -- screw 'em they can turn right around and go back the way they came. My stomach shakes inside and my brain flutters. I feel like I'm hyperventilating and my hands shake a little, but mostly it's the stomach and brain thing. I have taken my meds accordingly and have put in a call to my pdoc.
I have promised a friend I would take her to the doctor today, a 3 hr round trip drive. I know I'll never be able to pull it off without her picking up on my insanity and I'm going to tell her to take a flying leap. There's no doubt in my mind that that's what's going to happen. God I just want this day to be over so I can come back and hide out in my room under the covers where nothing can get me.

Dear nmk1226:

I read about your fear and anger, and the black dog. Like the black dog in Never Ending Story (1984) for me, Gomoreck I think his name is. I too see everyone at times as foes and have to talk to myself about some people, at least one person, being friend, not foe. Although I know I can get attacked by anyone, friend or foe at any one time, overly or covertly. Covertly as in the passive-aggressive way.

I am highly suspicious of people I meet in person, highly suspicious, untrusting... and why should I? My experience did not lead me to trust and looking at the way the world is, there is not much good that I can trust.

And yet, reasonably trusting some is possible and needed. I mean, some of my projections are inaccurate.

These thoughts came to my mind following reading your post.

atina