Anxiety and going to parties/ festivals?

Where I live, we have a fall festival and everyone looks forward to going to it (mainly for the weird food we have). I always used to love going and everything, but I don't think I can handle it this year. My friends are going tonight, and I told them I'm not going even tho I really want to, but that many people packed into one tight space would be a nightmare for me. I'll definitely have a panic attack at some point, or constantly fear I'll have a seizure/ heart attack or go crazy (my daily fears).

Anyways it made me realize how anxiety has affected me and it makes me kinda sad. I can't even party with people my age, which I used to LOVE. I partied every chance I got, but now it's very rare that I do. I don't want to avoid things that used to be fun, just because of this stupid mental illness. I cant even party with a group of friends if its more than 5 or more people, even tho they are my friends. Have any of you ever felt just bummed out when you can't interact with other people, even when its your own friends? I have about 3 friends I can be around whenever. But the other 10 people I am friends with, I'm just "scared" around? Idk how else to explain it except "scared" or "doomed".

YES! Been there.I am so deeply sorry you are dealing with this.It definitely can take the joy out of daily activities. Anxiety is so strange.It seems to come out of nowhere, and is unpredictable. I realized one day that none of those things, or the anxiety itself, was going to kill me.It is like a reaction to being overstimulated, overwired, and then going into overdrive.I kept fearing I was going to pass out somewhere.Even though some people are friends, they can make us uncomfortable for some reason? I don't do good with a bunch of people. I feel after awhile everyone is yammering, or blubbering. ....50 (well not really that many *.* ), comingat me, talking, asking me things, telling me about themselves. ...Then my brain just is sensitive, gets overstimulated, and I feel panicked and uncomfortable. Blahh.....Its awful...

But over the year or so, I have become much better with dealing with crowds and people. I was on xanax/valium daily for several years...I tapered myself, and just take now when I am going to be in a bigger social situation (no alcohol though).I decided one day that life is short, I was missing out on alot, and wasn't going to let anxiety dictate how I LIVED! I started doing, or going to places where there were people, but places that I didn't know people, and have to interact personally with anyone.I did fine.I also realized some of my anxiety seemed to be triggered by actual people I knew.People I had to personally interact with...But why? They were friends. Why did I feel uncomfortable around friends? I STILL never quite figured that out.

For now, try to see a doctor. You might do well with a low dose anxiety med..For now, do what feels comfortable to you...If hanging with just a few friends is all you can handle right now, that's ok...as long as you are socializing and not becoming too isolated..Work slowly on getting yourself into bigger crowd...And dont let or allow the anxiety dictate your life, how you live, and who you are...You are MUCH more then anxiety.You are SOMEONE, someone who has anxiety, but someone who has many more glorious atrributes in this world.And lastly. ..You are definitely NOT alone!!!!! Anxiety passes. ..

I wish you luck, I wish you well..You can overcome this.Try to be strong.xx