I don't know what to do... male (TRIGGER WARNING)

Friday night I had some drinks with my father in law, his wife and my wife at his house. At around 11 I decided to go out with my wife's brother to the local bar. While at the bar, I guess I blacked out because I don't remember anything afterwards until 5am the next morning.

We went to my brother in laws house are the bar, I woke up there that's the only reason I remember that. Anyways, when I woke up or "came to" I saw a girl go into the bathroom. I got up wondering where I was at first and noticed my shorts were very lose. I looked down and saw blood on my shorts in the front where my zipper is. I quickly buttoned my shorts walked out of his house and got an Uber back to my wife's father's.

I went to the bathroom when I got there and had blood all over my penis. I'm guessing the girl was on her period.

This whole situation is tearing me up inside. I don't know what happened, I don't know if I said no or if I was even conscious. I have the worst anxiety ever because I don't know what to do. Do I tell my wife? Do I hide it and move on? I'm so torn I don't know what to do.

I'm in the military, and this is tougher mentally than almost anything I've gone through. I love my wife more than life itself and I'm so scared of what could come of this.

Tha ks for listening.

Unless I missed something, I'm wondering how you went from blood on your penis and shorts, to thinking it was that particular girl and that something had happened with her - since you have no memory of anything.

A few questions:

Do you know who that girl is? Do you know how old she is? Did she look at you as she passed or did you meet her at all as you went out?

It's Sunday night, have you heard anything from anyone in that household?

I am sorry you are worrying -

Otter.

Well, there's only two women that stay at my brother in laws house. Her (the one I saw heading to the bathroom) and his girlfriend.

I don't recall being at the bar except for right when I got there and ordered a drink.

I don't know who else it could have been.
No one knows about it I don't think. I believe her brother would have said something...

I just don't know what to do. Suck it up or say something

I know this is hard to talk about, but is the girl in question an adult, of age? I only ask because it changes the landscape a bit. If she is, I would approach her discreetly and maybe ask her if something happened. This could be done easily by asking her if you were acting like a fool (or some such words) when you came to their home drunk. Her reaction should give you some idea. Or just interacting with your brother in law, etc. If she is not of age, then that is a different problem.

The point is - without knowing anything else about you - you did not intend certain things to happen. You are not trying to cheat on your wife.

You know the people you are dealing with (wife, borther-in-law,etc). If you can sit down with the appropriate people and discuss it openly (since there was intent), then maybe that's the way to go.

Otter.

My brother in law would never have someone underage at his home. She doesn't live there, after talking with her brother just asking a few questions she just stayed there that night. Also, she apparently was having sex with one of his friends in one of the bedrooms. Like I said I woke up on the couch which after a few questions is where I passed out.

I don't want to approach her.. what worries me the most is what if she tries to say I consented to what happened? Or tries to turn a story around.

I just don't want to hurt my wife. We have a bright future and I'm terrified to ruin it.

Tha ks for your responses.

One other speculation. Considering the amount of alcohol you drank, isn't it possible that something happened in your internal and your kidneys released some blood through your urine. Certain there can be "issue" whilst you are mostly unconscious.

Have you been monitoring the times when you urinate?

Anyway, I think given the circumstances (everyone being "of age" a big relief), perhaps you should wait a bit, let things play out (if there is anything play out).

But you are suffering inside, and that's not good. Have you ever had issues with anxiety before, or obsessive worrying, etc? Again, the key here is you love you wife, you want a good future, and you had no intent to do wrong (if anything wrong did happen). Try easing your mind, knowing that.

Otter.

I didn't even think about blood in my urine. I never usually drink so it could be that... the way it looked was very similar to when my wife and I would be intimate while she was still spotting. I didn't smell any urine (that I can remember).

Also, yes I have a history of anxiety from deployment. I'm combat arms and am still in the military. Ocassionally I see a behavior health specialist but it's more for nightmares. I only get anxiety when I start thinking about certain things. Maybe I should talk to someone when I get to my next duty station?

My mind is on a roller coaster. One second I think about just letting it play out.. the next I think about how screwed my life may become.

Just talking to you is easing my mind though and I truly appreciate it.

You're welcome.

Ok, well check your urine anyway, just to be safe. Outside of everything, if there were blood in your urine, that needs to be looked into. Get that thing out of the way, it's simple enough to check.

Having anxiety issue sucks, I know, I have OCD and other things. The upside of knowing that you have anxiety issues is you can take a course of action much more easily (sometimes it's hard to get someone to see someone when they have never gone to a professional of that kind, or if they deny they have a problem).

I have a few questions for you.

So you have seen a behavior health specialist. Have they ever diagnosed you (PTSD)? Do you take any meds now?

Taking WHAT happened out of the equation for a moment, I think this incident has touched off a combination of anxiety and perhaps some depression that is getting worse.

I think seeing this behavior health specialist sooner than later would be best. Explain what happened in detail. Yeah, it probably wasn't good that you boozed until you passed out, but you have done nothing wrong, so you have nothing to be ashamed of; you weren't trying to get away with anything.

Talk symptoms in detail.

You may never know what happened, if no one says anything (because there may not be anything to say). So you have to work this as an issue of your ongoing anxiety problems. That is the most important thing to work on, because this incident will pass, but your anxiety issues are ongoing.

By the way, thank you for your service. The sacrifice of these "nightmares" is a big one to make.

Otter.

Yes I have been diagnosed with ptsd, mildly, as well as TBI. I used to take meds but I didn't like them. I'm a very active person and it just killed my will to do anything.

Thanks, that puts things in context, as to why your "mind is on a roller coaster". For most people this situation would probably be distressing. But their anxiety would follow a steady course, based on events and time. If things do not become worse the person without anxiety issues will steadily readjust and move on.

For you and I, it does not follow a steady course. It bounces around, gets worse, gets better, gets worse again, and so forth. Sometimes it acts in ways that are unpredictable.

I understand your feelings about medication. If you'd prefer not taking a medication on a daily bases, at least consider a "take as needed" med, when things get really bad. You can discuss this aspect with your doctor.

At any rate, going without meds is certainly possible, it just means you have to be more vigilant in accepting of your issues and educating yourself, and then applying that knowledge to how you conduct your life(style). It also may mean a better, tighter, schedule of seeing someone.

Anyway, do your best to "hold on" now. I think this will pass. Try to occupy yourself with something if you begin to find yourself in a vicious circle of thought.

Otter.

p.s - I am going to move this out of Rape and Sexual Assault, because this isn't the issue. I am moving it to PTSD and then mirroring it into Generalized Anxiety. It will be in both places.