Transference torward therapist

Hi everyone. I know this is relatively common so I thought I'd ask for some advice. I've always had a sort of fascination with my therapist. We've always gotten along super well, we have similar personality types, has a great sense of humor, and of course supports me through everything. After the first few sessions (about two years ago) I looked her up online just to see what she was like. I found her Facebook and stuff about her art career. This really drew me in because seeing that she was an artist as well made me like her even more. I didn't really check up on her for a while until about a year ago where I sort of got a bit obsessive, but got over it quickly. Recently, however, I have had a really hard time and she is the one thing that keeps me going. I was going to kill myself last week and talking to her always is the only thing that makes me feel better. It's not that I have a crush on her either, I just always want to talk to her. I feel really creepy because I check on her Facebook all the time now and even have found stuff out about her relatives. I know it's creepy as ###$ and I won't do it again but I'm wondering if I should tell her how I've been feeling. I already brought it up somewhat but never told her that I was talking specifically about her (I talked about how I always have teacher crushes and older women who show me affection trying to hint to it). I think she might have an idea that I'm going to talk about transference. Anyways, how have you guys dealt with your transference? Is it a good idea to discuss it with my therapist? Thank you so much.

Oh $#%^ I forgot to put down the worst part of it all. I get curious about a lot of people and find out where they live and stuff, and I found out that she lives in my same neighborhood about 4 streets down. Every time I drive past her street I always look to see if she's there. I don't really purposely go out of my way to go down her street but I still feel guilty whenever I get too curious and try and look for her.

Sounds like you have some sort of crush on her. You find someone you have a lot in common with, she helps you out, it's normal to have these sort of feelings toward your therapist.

I have to be blunt, but the borderline stalking has to stop if you want to continue your alliance with your therapist. If she finds out that you've been looking up all this stuff, she might be "creeped" out, even if she doesn't show that to you, and it can seriously compromise your relationship.

Sometimes, you're not anonymous in looking up someone online. Linkedin for example, will tell you who has viewed your profile.

Best of luck.

I do the exact same thing with ALL of my 400 or so neighbors. But I hate their guts. I just do it out of paranoia because I'm sure they already know everything about me. Know your enemy. I've lost interest in it as of late. I have zero interest in my psychiatrists personal life. He is a dinosaur and sometimes nods off during our sessions because he's so old and because I'm so boring and hopeless. He just continues to see me because I’m 100% covered by Medicare and Medicaid and I guess he’s fine with waiting three months after every session to be totally reimbursed by the government.