Returning to college

I had gotten my B.A. last fall term at 19, and took a term off, before returning to school for another degree. I decided I could supplement my dreams of going to graduate school with another career, nursing. I have a lot of my own stigmatization about nursing, but since it's so profound in my family I feel a bit obligated. Plus, the money is good and graduation school is going to drain me like a tick.

But, I noticed something strange since returning. More physical symptoms of my anxiety versus mental. My last term was rife with self-harm, depression, and the knowledge I was returning to an unstable homelife. I've since come home, healed up, and stopped harming. But my physical symptoms are a lot more profound. The classes are hard, but so were the classes I took my senior year. My anxiety has been causing some terrible stomach pains and has given me some urges again to harm (I haven't ). Alongside that are urges to vomit under stress, which is new, and the feeling of impending doom.

My professor for my lecture is crummy; not answering questions and referring me to the book, not taking questions during class, rushing through the powerpoints, mumbling, etc. My lab is amazing and makes up for it.

Does anyone have any tips to reduce the physical symptoms? They haven't been paired with panic attacks thankfully, but they're difficult to deal with none the less. Advice or experiences with these issues would be nice too. I don't understand why I'm nervous to this extent again, I know the routine and everything, I've been taking college courses for five years, and I'm returning to this college. It's not a new place or anything.

Thank you, I really appreciate the help

Deep down you don't really want to do nursing. You're only doing it because you feel obligated to. Do what you want to do. You're only going to have more symptoms if you continue on a path you are unhappy with. Your body is trying to tell you that you are miserable. Do what you WANT to do with your life. You deserve to be happy and healthy

That's the major issue though; I'm unhappy now so I can be happy later. Basically I'm in a miserable situation to fund my hopefully brighter situation. As far as the career, I don't think I'd mind certain specialties (such as psych or end of life). I can't afford to go to graduate school and I can't swim in debt, so this way it would pay for my steps to be a clinical psychologist. Plus, the experience as a nurse would help on a graduate school application (especially psychiatric nursing or end of life).

I'm not saying nursing is bad in its entirety, matter of fact, I have a great respect for them. But that's the huge thing that I've caught myself on. I wouldn't be looking harder for the specific classes for the major if I didn't find them on my first search. So, I listened to myself and this was what I heard: You're stubborn if you want to do something, and stubborn if you don't. You don't think that, deep down, that this constant push, is indicative of wanting to go for it? It was a bit of a revelation.

I'm dealing more and more with the physical stress, and yesterday I must have slept about 12 hours altogether. Dealt with horrid cramping and nausea this morning, along with a serving of 'I feel really off today'. Migraines are new too, but I think that's because I don't eat as often now. I've been craving cigarettes, which only happens under immense stress.

I am very grateful though that my mental strain, while there, is not as bad as it used to be. The good thing that's come about this is that waking up at the buttcrack of dawn and having to use public transit has taught me a very nice structure. It's calming

I've tried deep breathing and getting lost in thought (which helps because my thoughts pretty much argue and then realize certain things...or tune into music). But are there any other things I could do? I stretch and do quasi-yoga, but it doesn't seem like enough.