Moral Dilemma/Driving

Hey guys

Hope everyone is doing well today. I wanted to get some peoples' gauge on a situation I'm in. I cannot, and at this point, refuse, to drive. I suffer horrid panic attacks sitting in the driver's seat, and my anxiety spikes every time I have to even sit passenger. I have tried to do things in small steps; the most I accomplished was backing up into the driveway (the second time I didn't even cry during my panic attack ) I take my dose of clonazepam to stay calm in the car (~1mg-1.5mg), and can function perfectly well, but the dose I'd have to take to even be calm enough to operate a vehicle would make it unsafe for me to even sit as driver (anywhere from 2mg-3.5mg). I dissociate and my heartbeat spikes, my limbs go numb...it's nasty.

Another reason is that I don't trust myself. I have obsessive intrusive thoughts of colliding with oncoming traffic and killing myself. This has been the same reason I never learned to shoot a gun.

I realize this would fall under a specific phobia, but since I have GAD, I feel it feeds into it. Here's the dilemma: I graduated last Fall at 19 years old, got my A.A. before my high school diploma, but I skipped all those milestones we're supposed to go through. I've never had a job, and last February, I very reluctantly got my permit. I might end up snapping it in two (I want to just so people can't say, "c'mon, let's practice!!!!").

I start back to school for another degree later today, and live with my grandmother (the reason I got my permit was in case she needed to go the hospital). The bus system here is superb; however, she's very uneasy about me taking it and insist that she take me to school. Which is sweet, but brings up two major issues. I feel awful that she's taking me (and not the other way around), and her driving makes me nervous.

I feel awful I can't drive, but this is mainly because of the stigma behind it. I get called lazy and dependent, I'm teased for having a fear, I get invalidated because the fear is so uncommon. I'm told I'm too smart not to be able to learn. And my favorite: "I was scared too when I started." Really? Does the topic, just discussing it, make your heart speed up? Do you start spacing out with jelly limbs even sitting there? It leads to me really hating myself and thinking, "You're 20 years old with a four year degree, you're the epitome of pathetic."

How can I get people off my back? I plan on moving to a city where public transport is abundant. I understand the need to at least know, and honestly, if I had to right this instant, I could. Like if someone needed to go the hospital. I needed this to vent and to get some other opinions...I refuse to learn at this point. I'm completely willing to use the bus system; I have no social life so it doesn't matter if I stay out late...I'm home by 8:00 :/

Please, please, please be super gentle in how you write your responses...I'm very hypersensitive about going back to school and about this dilemma. I've been weepy all day

I just want to let you know you're not the only one who's scared to drive. I just turned 30 and I've never driven a car. never even sat in the driver's seat. never even gotten my learners license. I too get intrusive thoughts/visuals about just veering out of the lane and crashing. I remember being a little kid in the backseat of the car and I would imagine, super vividly, these fiery crashes full of explosions. and I'm terrified of hurting or killing myself or, worse yet, someone else. I know I need to get my license eventually, because when I have kids I'd like to be able to drive them around, but the thought just scares the $#%^ out of me.

rainbow_sprinkles,

That was one of the most comforting posts I've read in a long while. The stigma gets to me the most. I'm pursuing a degree in nursing so I can make money to support my long term goal of being a clinical psychologist. I was having a depressive episode last night and decided to call my sister. And she asked me if I couldn't do something so simple as drive, how can I be expected to hold someone's life in my hands? I told her it's because I care more about others than myself. We were both left speechless.

I plan on moving to a public transport friendly city. For more reasons than one. Besides the fear, the thoughts of hurting myself and others while driving, and the fact I don't want to learn, I also believe in supporting your city, reducing CO2 emissions, and actually getting exercise. No shame in walking or biking somewhere. Makes you appreciate the beauty around us.

Plus, once upon a time, it was considered rude for a woman to drive a man. There were other reasons...but I'll just note that one because it's romantic

I meant to post this video on the original post. It's from a 1984 movie called Repo Man;
here's the link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4QKiYar9pI

The first panic attack I EVER had was while I was driving. It was one of the scariest things that ever happened to me. I distinctly remember how I started to get tunnel vision, started hyper ventilating, and how my heart started racing faster than I ever felt before. I had to quickly turn off to a side street to get myself to a safe place. While it hasn't stopped me from driving, it has made me more anxious while driving ever since it happened about 10 years ago.

About 6 months ago I started getting panic attacks when going out in public places and my psychologist recommended exposure therapy. In a nut shell, she wanted me to go out and be in public places and expose myself to my fears in order to show myself that there wasn't actually anything to be afraid of. So I did it. I forced myself to go out in public and purposely triggered my anxiety. I brought a pair of headphones with me everywhere and listened to calming music on my phone and stayed out as long as I could stand to. It really sucked ass at first and I had a ton of panic attacks and frequently left the places I was at. But one day I told myself that I wasn't going to run away when my panic struck. I was going to sit right where I was and get through it. What's the worst that can happened, right? So there I was, getting my hair cut and my anxiety spiked as usual (racing heart, racing thoughts, wanting to run out of the store, chest tightness). I wanted to run out of the hair cut place so bad with only half of my hair cut looking like a total fool, but I forced myself to sit through it. Even though I felt absolutely horrible, I forced myself to interact with the cute old lady cutting my hair. And what I noticed was that as horrible as I was feeling, nothing bad was actually happening. There wasn't anything to actual fear. I wasn't getting mauled by bears, I was just getting a hair cut. And guess what, eventually the panic stopped and I came back down to reality and calmed down.

Obviously that one experience didn't cure my panic attacks, but I've kept doing it. And my anxiety in public has dropped to almost nothing. Exposure therapy is tough, but it can really help! Our bodies process the hormones produced by anxiety pretty quickly (20-30 minutes usually), and eventually you WILL calm down. It's hard, but over time you've taught yourself to be afraid of driving, and you'll have to re-teach yourself not to be afraid of it if you ever want to give it a shot.

Did something happen to you that gave you this anxiety about driving? Have you ever tried something like exposure therapy to help with your fear of driving? If you're interested, you could start with something as basic like just sitting in the driver seat with the car on and listen to your favorite music. Don't even think about driving, just be in the car and stay there until you're calm and centered. Then you could keep repeating the same process but move on to just rolling up and down the drive way, driving around the block, etc. until you're cruising the open road

Sorry, that was a long reply, but just wanted to show you that it is possible to get over fears even when it doesn't seem possible. Be well

Did something happen to you that gave you this anxiety about driving? Have you ever tried something like exposure therapy to help with your fear of driving? If you're interested, you could start with something as basic like just sitting in the driver seat with the car on and listen to your favorite music.

No, there was no major accidents or anything. But when I was about 9 or 10, my mom and I were sitting in the car, I was daydreaming and writing a story, and she was parking. The gas pedal stuck as she was inching forward, and it rammed this big support pole. No airbags, no fires, nothing. Just one of my first memorable panic attacks, and the first useful derealization (kept me composed before I came out of it and started sobbing). I was always skittish in cars after this point. But before this point, my father would drive a Camaro and do all sorts of things. Burnouts and other fast paced things.

Here's a major issue: I hate being in cars, and I love being cars. I'm split. If I love it, it's speeding and wind through my hair.

Now, as far as exposure therapy, I've tested it. It...does not work well with preexisting self-harm. On the first time I was even forced to sit in the seat, I branded later that night for the first time. That was my lowest point, and I haven't gone back to that. Almost or at 20 days free from harming ^.^

I took the bus in my hometown the other day though! And I absolutely loved it. I didn't have any anxiety, I was looking forward to it actually. The bus system here is free and it's pretty extensive, going into the neighboring towns as well.

I realize this is a major avoidance, and I do try to justify it (I am right in justification, but it's such topics as; saving gas and money, environmental reasons, etc.), but I am trying something new. Accepting myself...and owning my fears and rights that I have. No one can make me drive and no one will, without my consent. I stopped caring about how rude or mean I come off, the same as how fearful or pathetic I may come off as. I am, who I am.

I realize in a major pinch, that the derealization would save my butt (like it did after the pillar incident) and I could in an emergency. So, there's that.

I am so so glad I found this thread! I feel just like you, OP. Except I have never driven yet. I have such a strong repulsion to driving because of all of the dangers to myself and especially others it could put me in. I'm not a peripheral person. I seriously can't look behind me without going sideways instead of walking forward and/or losing my balance. Have no idea how I'd do with a car. It's all of this anxiety and fear that has prevented me from getting my license even though it'd help me out tremendously by having one.

Every time I bring this up to anybody they always say "it's so easy". Sure, maybe it is. But even thinking about it I can feel my chest tightening up and my ears getting warm. I also take clonazepam for anxiety but only when needed. When I take it though i also get that feeling of being a puppetmaster controlling my body while my consciousness is above taking control with delayed senses. You know the feeling. Also the sleepiness and stuff too.

I've always had this fear and also the stigma of not getting a license and anxiety it has caused me in school to get rides from people. It all really sucks. I know I'm gonna have to force myself to get the license and everything will probably be fine but going through the motions of fear isn't fun. I truly hope people like you and me will overcome this issue because it would make a big difference getting around places.

United in fear!

I decided to move to a city, actually. Still avoidance, but at this point I like having things within walking distance. Makes trips really feel like an adventure! But the city I want to move to is affordable, is ranked 4th best in public transit, has lax laws and low crime rates. It's Portland for anyone wonder Plus, they pay well for the field I'm going into.

I'm happy to see someone else with the fear, makes me feel less alone

jealous! a few years ago I was considering running off someplace new and starting over and I was going to do it in Portland. it seems like the kind of city I would absolutely love. I wanna at least visit there at some point in my life.

It still a looooonnnnggg way off I'm going to try to get a decent stepping-stone job, and it pays well there (a RN makes about an average of $60-70,000). I used to make the joke of, 'if I do drive, you'd never see me again.' I think there's truth in that, I think I would be a type of runaway. I'm glad I'm not like that. Still have urges to occasionally get on the bus, jump trains, etc. to go somewhere else.