Terrible With Change

Hi everyone. I've had overwhelming anxiety the past couple weeks because of multiple reasons that I'll talk about below. If anyone has any advice please respond!

First thing I'll talk about is something that happened about 9 months ago. My house of 12 years (I'm 17 years old) got struck by lightning and burned down. It really didn't hit me at first and we rented a house for the year so we can rebuild, but recently it has been hitting me so hard. This brings me to my second point, which is that I am going off of Celexa which I have been on for a year now because this is the only window of time before college that I can get off of it. I'm taking only 2.5 milligrams now, and my mood has been so out of whack and the thought of my house being gone is making me so incredibly depressed and anxious. To make things worse (or better) I will be leaving for college in almost 4 months and it makes me so sad to think that I don't get to say goodbye to my home before I leave. I find myself so jealous of the other kids in my grade who get to have closure when they leave for college. My best friend told me that her family is moving cities when she graduates which is also making me anxious and sad. It's hard to write everything down that is bothering me but to put it simply, I am horrible with change. It makes me nervous for the rest of my life and how I'll react with even bigger life changes. I constantly worry about my parents and their health because I don't want to lose them. I worry about all my family members; my sister, my cousins, aunts and uncles. And then I even worry about my own life. I feel like at any moment I could die. I'm pretty much having an existential crisis. I would really like your advice if you have any words of wisdom I know that I will get through this. It's just almost becoming unbearable. Also, going back on my medication is not an option because being in college on medication sounds like hell to me because I would end up ######6 it up anyways. I'd rather go with a clean slate. Thank you to whoever replies

Hey Emcee!

I am so sorry about your house. I am sure it feels like being robbed times a thousand. Everything you owned was inside that is gone, I can only imagine how exposed and raw you must feel. But no one was hurt? Thank god! So that's a start. Everyone is well. You made it through this freak act of nature. You're strong.

How does your doctor feel about you going off Celexa? Are you sure this is a good time? Sounds like you have a lot rocking your boat at this moment. I went to college, you'd be surprised how many people were on anti-D's there. Lots actually. But do what feels right, what you need to do. Just don't stress yourself out (more).

Starting college is stressful on its own. A whole new chapter in your life. Awesome! A wise man once asked me, "what is it you're really feeling, is it fear, or is it exhilaration?" Excitement can be stressful. I hate change too. And my boyfriend travels for work and I often go with him because they are extended stays and I don't want to go weeks without seeing him. But man, the first time in a new place, I hate it. I hate everything about it, all the new noises, the scents, the people. Eventually after I come, I like it. I almost look forward to it. But change always stresses me out. When I come home, it take me a while to find back my routine also. You should find your routine when you come to college. Something your mind can hook onto that will feel familiar.

The last word of a advice, is try not to take it so seriously. Study what you love. This is just the beginning. This is a time for you to honor what wants to be expressed through you and don't worry so much about making the wrong choice. You can change your mind once or twice or correct it later in life. There is so much pressure to get things right and sometimes we make what seem to be the wrong choices. That's ok. The right choices can always turn out to be wrong too but I try to do what feels right to you and you'll be golden. Good luck!