Being ugly has affected my social behaviour, any help?

Hello, first of all I'm a 20 years old boy. Since always I've known I'm ugly, even though I tried to tell myself I wasn't that bad looking. But reality is harsh, and the truth is that I'm ugly. Girls, some friends, random people on the streets, can't look at me without thinking "Woah this dude looks really bad" and that has affected me a bit. I've read a lot of questions answered here, and everyone answers with the typical "you are not ugly", without even looking at a picture, but that thing won't work with me, because I've been told a lot of times that I'm pretty ugly.

Everytime I try to go outside I feel the need to make myself a little bit better looking (making my hair,etc.) but It doesn't work that much. All those harsh past experiences have affected my behaviour. Right now, I'm a cold, sad and kinda rude boy who can't even stare someone in the face because my mind tells myself that the girl or whatever I'm talking too thinks that I'm pretty disgusting, and I think that If many people has told me that, it may be true. I have always regretted acting like that in the past, and I think that it's pretty late to change. All the people that know me thinks that I'm a wannabe handsome rude idiot, and don't even talk to me anymore. I guess it's the karma... Because I acted like that to them too.

All my past attempts to love myself have failed, and I think that I'm getting into a big depression. All that remains in me is an ugly person with a #######5 personality. Please help me.

Hey Kimoi, sad to read you are so sure of being ugly, chances are you not a ugly as you feel!
I understand that alot of people seem to have told you that you are, and there are several problems with that.
1. it's very very hurtful to tell someone that they are ugly, wether they are or aren't. Any person who would just say that to you is already not a person that you need in your life.
2. Beauty realy is in the eye of the beholder, some will find you ugly, well some will find Kirsten Dunst really ugly, or brad pitt. So even if someone will think you're ugly, there is as much chance that there is someone who won't think you are ugly, or even think you are goodlooking . (for all I know you are super handsome anyway). Point being that even if you think you are the hottest thing in town, someone will think you're ugly and vice versa. So telling someone they are ugly is just not realistic, it's just an opinion.

I've been spending some time on a website called reddit/amiugly. People post their faces and hear from other users wheter they are ugly or not and what changes they can make to look better. I do not suggest you should do that although I do see that alot of people get a much needed realitycheck about how they really look, and by that I mean they are never as ugly as they think they are.
Some people post with similar stories to you, having friends and/or family saying they are ugly, and they are in fact normal looking to goodlooking and downright hot.

I can also understand that there are people that have trouble with their appearance due to unfortunate facial features and acne for example. I know such a person in my life, he is what other people would call ugly or unattractive. This is the most friendly, social and outgoing person I have ever known. He is litterally the life of every party, drowns in the amount of friends he has and has a beautifull girlfriend. He has studied to become a doctor and is fully aware of his unfortunate looks. He chose to not let it hold him back basically.

I can undersand how your appearance can hold you back tremendously, not everyone is able to just get over it like the person I mentioned above though I hope it will give you some inspiration as to how different it can be!

You may want to try and seek some professional help to guide you through a proces of coming to terms with how you look and investing in other qualities that make you just as valid a person as anyone else, regardless of how you look. Maybe it will provide you with a more realistic view of yourself and you'll realise that are not "ugly" and maybe you'll realise that even though you are not happy with how you look it's just a small part of your life that doesn't have to get in the way of anything! You are holding yourself back by making your appearance more defining and important than it has to be.