major anxiety, in all aspects of my life...

Hi everyone,
I was hoping that someone could give me some advice... I'm having an extremely hard time right now with my anxiety, and it's taking over my life. In school it's hard for me to sit in class with my classmates, because thoughts are racing through my head telling me that I'm too disgusting, fat, and a bad person (this also comes from the distortions of my eating disorder)... I also become extremely anxious when a teacher calls on me, class presentations, and when I have to talk to someone that I don't know well. My anxiety is so intense that it's hard for me to remember even the simplest things. And the school cafeteria... Well, let's not even go there. I've had panic attacks in school before, and it's destroyed my self-esteem. Not many high schoolers understand anxiety, so a lot of people just assume that I'm weird, or out of control, or whatever. My anxiety also makes it hard for me to meet new people, especially people who I'm attracted to, so I lack one of those "teenage romances" that are supposed to be part of the high school experience. I have a lot of good friends and teachers who support me, but even my friends don't really understand how difficult getting through the day is for me. *sigh*
Are any of you on anxiety meds that you take as needed? I think I'm going to talk to my psychiatrist about them, but I'm also scared about getting addicted.
I can't stop blaming myself for my anxiety, and I can't help being afraid that I'll be impaired for the rest of my life because of it. I'm a high-achiever in school, I have a lot of goals in life, and I'm also a big people-person when I want to be... But what if my anxiety ruins any chances of success? As you can see, I'm kind of in a rough spot right now.
Thanks for taking the time to read all that... I know it's a lot of information crammed into one post, but I'd really appreciate if you'd reply! Take care, and I hope that you are doing well.
<3
drama_queen

As usual, I give more than I get back...
I'm sick of being a friggin' empathetic person when it seems all I do is support other ppl, help other people, and no one can return the favor.

hey, high school's tuff to get through with anxiety, but it's do-able.

i had pretty much the same issues (except for the fear and worry about being called on). i can tell you how i got through, i didn't have many friends, and i was the "odd girl," but i was admired for what i did.

instead of going to the cafeteria i went to the library or the theatre, or rarely the art room. i managed to meet my only high school friend during my lunch period in the library and my fiance in the theatre. doing that won't help much with being seen as more normal, but it will make not being normal easier to deal with.

i was never afraid of speaking in class, but i was completely unable to talk with a teacher (or pretty much anybody) one on one. with the speaking in class (this is what kept me from being anxious about it) could you possably depersonalize it? remove yourself from what you say? pretend like you are a character on stage, not you, and the responses to the questions are merely lines in a play. i found that that made it easier. it was no longer me. i'm not sure if that will help you, but it's a possability.

could you tell your friends how hard it is for you?

sorry it took so long to respond,
kaelynn

Drama_queen,
That's just awful that you're feeling so bad! J, I love you and I'm ALWAYS here to support you. Always. I will do whatever I possibly can to help you. You certainly mean a lot to me. Unfortunately, I'm not exactly sure what do to as far as your anxiety goes because I've never had it in quite the way that you have. Yes, telling your doctor is a very good idea. You're definitely not disgusting, fat, or a bad person. As a matter of fact you're very pretty and you're one of the least disgusting people I know. You're also one of the best people I know. You're so incredibly caring and kind to others; you're amazing. I agree with you that most high schoolers don't really understand anxiety; really, they don't understand mental illness much at all. I too have trouble with people that I'm attracted to. Knowing that I would never have a chance with any of them just rips me apart. I know it might sound like it's part of the high school "experience," but really a lot of people in high school can be awfully mean and hurtful; that's why I'm depressed... It must be awfully hard when you have panic attacks and you're so anxious all the time. I'm very glad you have some good friends and teacher who support you, because I don't have anybody to support me. I have no friends, not one. And yes, I more than understand that they just don't understand; it makes it awfully frustrating doesn't it. I actually just got a script for anxiety medicine to take as needed. I really think you should get them, I think it could really help you a lot. I really want you to feel better very badly. You're not to blame for your anxiety; it is not your fault at all. I know that idea might seem hard to believe, as well as some of the other things I said, but I assure you, they're more than true and I would never say them if they wern't so. And once again, I too am a high achiever and I set a ton of goals; if I don't get these I feel like a failure and want to die. Like I said, I'm always here for you, and I hate so badly to see you feeling this way. If there is anything I can do, anything at all or even just to talk for a little while, I would be very happy to hear from you! I hope you're feeling better very soon, and hugs! <3

Thank you Kaelynn and User5 for responding! At least someone actually cares, but I still thinks it's sad that I had to guilt ppl into responding. But I understand... People are busy and have their own issues to deal with.
Kaelynn: thanks for the suggestion on public speaking! It should be quite effective for me, because believe it or not, I love theatre and performing onstage! I don't get anxious when I get to play a role, only when I have to get up in front of people and be myself. I've tried to explain to my friends how I feel, and I know they do their best to understand, even though it's hard since they've never experienced it themselves... But sometimes it just doesn't feel like enough. I'm grateful to have ppl who care about me though, even if they don't always understand me.
User5: As always, thank you for being so caring and supportive! It means a lot to me that you care, and your response made me smile. I actually talked to my psychiatrist about as-needed pills, but he said he's reluctant to give them to me, since I'm only 16 and he wants to explore other alternatives... He says that the idea is to stop the anxiety before it starts, rather than waiting to take meds until after it starts. I guess it makes sense, but that just means more fooling around with my medications. I guess I'll just have to see how it turns out!
And for any1 who wants to know, my anxiety has been much more manageable this week... My guidance counselor is wonderful, and she's helping me to become more confident while I'm at school.
Take care, everyone! <3