What Is This?

I think I have some sort anxiety or paranoid delusion disorder.

For about ten years - Jesus, I feel old! - I have been experience bouts of this... eery, unsettling feeling. I can't entirely explain it. I just start to feel "wrong". Other times, it's more of a feeling that I am being watched constantly by a pair of judgemental eyes. And then, in the worst times, I can't explain the sensation that comes over me; why or what it is, or the reason I'm feeling it. Sometimes, it's clearly social anxiety; I used to skip out on school, suddenly feeling hot and sweaty, trembling and thoughts running me dizzy. Other times, it's just so ambivalent that I can't put a name on it. Or I'm so consumed it it that I don't try.

It's a feeling that stops me from going outside for days. Stops me from applying for jobs, or interacting with other people. One that keeps me from bussing up to my College to drop off OSAP papers. Or from calling friends and family. It keeps me from speaking up when I have knowledge or valuable input in a conversation. And the worse - stops me from doing things, even when I'm alone, in fear of looking silly. Like working out, for example. That invisible pair of watching eyes looms over me.

Then, at the same time, I am completely contradictory to what I've just explained. Sometimes I feed off of the limelight, off of the worries of other people. I can sense when somebody feels "inferior" or threatened, and I boost in to overdrive in terms of my social confidence.

Do I need to seek help? What IS this

Those things both sounds like symptoms of mania. Mania can cause feeling of grandiosity, or paranoid delusions, among many other things. Do you also go those periods of depression? Or do you have symptoms depression simultaneously? You should bring up the possibility with your doctor or therapist. Many people with bipolar are misdiagnosed depending on the state they see their doctor in, mania or depression, so bipolar can be mistaken easily for just depression, or if you tend toward mania, anxiety or ADD or a plethora of other things. So talk to your doctor if you think that this is a possibility.

I do, often. I've been "casually diagnosed" with depression by my doctor in the past, who disagrees with medication and often tries to tell me to, well basically, get over it. It's impossible for me to see him when the above is happening, let alone anybody; as dramatic as that sounds.

Get a new doctor.

Comeonskinnylove, I felt drawn to answer you since you joined the forum on my birthday. Also since I feel the same way. when I am in public I have the all eyes on me feeling like something out of a sci fi movie like inception where they realize the people are not supposed to be in the person's mind. I also have a similar feeling at home, working out, dancing, talking to myself (except in my head) are things I feel like I can't do. Like 'they' are going to judge me. I can't tell you what it is since I am just going back to doctors again for the fist time in years, but I wanted you to know you aren't alone.