Intense anxiety, and depression is also returning

Hiya guys.

Ok, I came off my Effexor and Topamax in January this year. I figured I could do it without it so withdrew over 7 mths.

Things is I am becomming more and more intesely anxious and worked up and depressed every day. I am snappy at my fiancé and say hurtful stuff to him even though i really really love him. I just feel like my heart is in a vice grip and is being squeezed to a pulp.

My aunt died this weekend on Sunday, after she had a stroke a few weeks back. But this has been going on for ages now, which makes me think the death thing is just bad timing and not actually a precipitation thereof.

i just don't know how to BE at the moment. It's like i just wanna pack up my stuff and RUN from my desk and this bloody place called WORK and never come back and go home and climb into my bed under that oh-so comforting down duvet and sleep for an eternity and not ever need to get up and face anything.

i dont wanna go back on my meds and i'm not allowed benzo's (used to abuse them and they're contra-indicative with me anyway) so i just dont know what to do anymore! it was a long weekend here in england this weekend and on sunday when i heard about my aunt's death i just crawled right into myself and didnt want to go out at all. eventually i left the house with my persuasive fiancé and we went to lilly whites (sports shop) and i blowed some dough there. and went straight back home to bed. so much for the plan of going out and about the city to do a little "touristy" things for a change. yesterday was a bit better- we went to st. pauls cathedral and the clink prison and southwark cathedral, and watched a double bill of prison break on tellie last night- but this morning i was straight back to being totally, er, almost terrified of just existing.

what the HELL is going on with me? any psychologists on here?

sounds like you need to get back on the effexor, it may take a higher dose this time and also learn some new anxiety coping and relaxing skills
long walks are very relaxing, BTW

no offence, but no way effexor is NOT an option i'd EVER do again! it took 7 months to get off it and i went through HELL and back to do so! not to mention the times i nearly succeeded in killing myself when i had tried before. i'd be willing to listen to suggestions of other meds (as long as they dont make me fat and are notorious for its side effects) but seriously - just no Effexor.

no offence, but no way effexor is NOT an option i'd EVER do again! it took 7 months to get off it and i went through HELL and back to do so! not to mention the times i nearly succeeded in killing myself when i had tried before. i'd be willing to listen to suggestions of other meds (as long as they dont make me fat and are notorious for its side effects) but seriously - just no Effexor.