Dad is Transexual, I have Questions.

Hello,

delta=new user, male 43, location rotterdam europe.

My father, formerly a baptist church Minister, is a post-op male-to-female Transexual.

He was operated 40 years ago when I was 3.

Since the operations 'she' kept secret the fact he was once male and so has the family, we were lying always to protect his identity.

My father continued sexually abusing me, and my sister, all the time until we left home. He is still alive today age 79 and however much he hurt me I have decided not to murder him, I'm better than that. My sister is Christian and says she has forgiven him and she is sad he will probably burn in Hell.

I do have Questions!

I want to know, is this transexualism a genetic disease affecting the whole family or is it merely a mental illness affecting a single individual?

I am 43 and I never felt I was in the wrong body, so the illness obviously didn't pass to me, BUT what about my potential children.

Would my children have an increased chance of being transexual because of their Grandfather?

I don't have children, I decided years ago never to have children just in case the transexualism is genetic and hereditary. I think being a transexual child is a hard and difficult life.

Thank you so much for reading this forum, I hope someone knows the answer.

delta

Hi Delta;
You have several seperate concerns in your post. There are many factors that determine an individuals interest in adopting some or many characteristics of an opposite sexed person. One can never say WHY one makes a choice--and it doesn't really matter does it.
That you feel your Father somehow sexually abused you AFTER (S)he became physically a women is unfortunate but if you ARE a Christian, You will forgive him. You need to have a serious conversation with him about his behavior and its effect upon you.
The best insurance that your children will be for YOU to be a good example of a happy successfull male who will be someone he will want to be like. having him grow up with other like minded men will further cement his male identity.
Feel free to contact me if you like.
Cheers;
Michael
MikeDaleRogers@cs.com

I can't figure out how Transgenderism can be connected with sexual abuse. I have no such impulses. I have no sexual needs. I do have the emotional desire for closeness to another human being.

I was psychologically and sexually abused as a child. I did not pass it on. As I worked out my own salvation issues, I have been able to forgive those who abused me.

I also think it would be desireable to confront your Dad about how you felt about things growing up.

You will hear conflicting information about the genetic propogation of certain traits. I have two natural children and one adopted one. I see no evidence that any of my traits were passed on to them. In my opinion, the joys of having your own children surpasses the risks you fear.

On your Dad; there is no excuse for his sexual abuse of others. The trans life is extremely hard. It is lonely and solitary. It is rare to get full acceptance from others. Lots of people will be friendly in your face but expose their hypocracy by never allowing the relationship to develop beyond the superficial. T's are part of a greater Gay,Lesbian, Transsexual, and Bisexual community. From my own experience, many of that group are sexually out of control and feel free to use each other.

I am a Christian and most other Christians reject me. They assume that I am sexually active, which I am not. I am a eunuch and welcome the absence of sexual presure from testosterone. In my opinion, it is a state that any male past the childbearing years should happily pass into. The operation is simple and the recovery short.

If you have more questions, I will check in here from time to time.

Gwen

thank you both for replying to me.

In the past week I came to an important discovery.

My dad abusing me, and my dad being transexual, are unconnected!

I never thought that before. I hadn't even noticed that I had connected them in my mind.

When my dad touched me, fiddeled and looked closely, he was always so sad, he seemed full of regrets, pain sorrow.

All the years in between I had made an EXCUSE for my Dad.

Excuse I thought of was, he was CURIOUS. I speculated, he'd never seen a proper male organ so he had a look at mine again and again.

SO of course I had the Abuse and the Transexuality mixed up.

But now I see that I have divided the two things, which leads to an interesting result: I don't care any more that he was transsexual. So what? That is his problem. I do have an opinion: the way he handled his issues was appalling!

So I'm left with the facts of my abuse. But I don't see the abuser hanging around any more, because the abuser no longer has an EXCUSE provided by me, that kept him around.

I know I was abused and I have to keep on going on this journey of hope towards truth, every day.

I never have thought that 'transsexuals' do sex abuse of children. Now my father's transexuality goes to its right place in my mind, that is, along with all the other GLBT people. As I said he just handled it terribly badly.

So my question wasn't about my children, because I would always accept and love my children whatever flavour they liked. I'm not looking for a genetic link that could write that excuse in stone.

This conversation has enormously helped me.

I'm so glad you took the trouble to write. Bless you!

Delta

Am I to understand that you weren't sodomized or forcefully sexually assaulted otherwise but that (S)he just fondled you?
Consider: would you rather have one of your teeth knocked out -- which is forever--or to have been even sodomized which has no lasting effect other than what you do with it in YOUR head. I was Sodomized several times by a relative -- which wasn't enjoyable but simply marked it down as an unpleasant experience and moved on. consider this as an alternative attitude.
Another point to consider is that there are many many (but not I) who choose this form of sexuality.
Michael

Please. As amazing as it seems, I was abused by my gender-confused father, too. As he was dressed up as a woman, he would fondle me, and engage in inappropriate behavior. This will forever be connected in my mind, as he ONLY abused me while he was dressed in women's attire. It happened for years.

And the asshole who essentially 'get over it,' why don't you get over your gender issues? Just get over it. It's that simple, right?

A sad story that I hope will find a happy ending.

Delta, I'm sorry to hear that that happend to you. Screening for potential gender reasignment surgery is extensive. The individual undergose a plethora of test and is seen my many psychiatrist's for a long time to rule out the possibility of sexual offender or physically violent individual's. I dont think they would of had this screening 39 year's ago or your father most likely wouldnt of qualified. If he had, then the doctor's were unqualified.

The idea that transexuality is a mental disorder or related to sex crime's (child molestation) is an old ignorant way of thinking. You father was sick knowmatter what sex she is. But that has absolutly no connection to transexuality....and i'm glad you've found that out.


Michael



Am I to understand that you weren't sodomized or forcefully sexually assaulted otherwise but that (S)he just fondled you?

Molestation is a sexual assult. Sexualt assult is ALWAYS forced upon the individual. And knowmatter how un-aggressivly, It is a painful experience to have no control, be manipulated by an adult and (if male) "feminized". And much worse if by a parent.

Consider: would you rather have one of your teeth knocked out -- which is forever--or to have been even sodomized which has no lasting effect other than what you do with it in YOUR head.

You sound like me. Thing is as i was and you are, Wrong. Your above statement outline's that your experincing PTSD. Trivialize and forget.

This thread is going off topic but you need to hear this. You dont think michael that sexual abuse including sodomy are lasting?. And it is not what YOU do with it in your head. It's what someone else did to you. Being forced into that position your forced to deal with it....psychologiclly, sexually and physically. Consciously AND subconsciously. I really hope you see someone about your issues.

I dont understand what you meant by the teeth comment. If your meaning from a loved one in an act of rage then your point isnt logical. People who are hit by a bus dont say if given a choice i'd rather of been stabbed. Physical abuse is nothing like sexual abuse. But they are both wrong, both hurt, both victimize. The effect's of both are lasting and produce different behaviors in people. You cannot say one is worse then the other. Or one is less tramatic. But in the end.....the whole point is, you were not given a choice.

Can someone delete the spam post above please?

And to reply to one of the older posts:

I want to know, is this transexualism a genetic disease affecting the whole family or is it merely a mental illness affecting a single individual?

It's not a mental illness per se. It can cause some because of the huge stress though. Or as ways to cope with the disconnect. Some may pretend to be trans but are not, but I've not met one of those yet.

Screening for potential gender reasignment surgery is extensive. The individual undergose a plethora of test and is seen my many psychiatrist's for a long time to rule out the possibility of sexual offender or physically violent individual's.

Well I don't know where they do that, cause I sure didn't have that kind of screening. I saw shrinks, sure, but they never assessed if I was a sexual offender (I'm not), or if I was physically abusive (I'm not either). Saw one 4 times, she wrote me a diagnosis on paper, and that was it, basically.