very confused and scared about the person i love

I'm a guy who had the image of my perfect girlfriend in my mind my whole life. One day through online i meet someone who i share interests with, the person puts themselves off as female, they are everything i have ever dreamed of in a girl friend. I grow very close to them. I find out they were born male but for all their life they have felt female.

I didn't care, i love the person, they make me happy and bring me joy which i never believed i would have. this person is the one i have waited for. this person wants the surgry, but i am scared about it being dangerous and them dying from the surgery. so i would like to ask is it as dangerous as i am worried about.

also i don't mind if they remain male in body i still love them, but i am not attracted to any other guys. So the confustion part of my question comes am I Bi, strt or what. I have tried to view myself as " I am not bi, strt or anything else i just love this person"

I am sorry for my rambling I am just a bit confused

RKJS, All surgery carries risks. I have been through endless surgeries, firstly related to disability and secondly to do with my transition. Anaesthetic carries risks, but anaesthetists are highly trained and keep very careful checks on their 'charges'. If your friend has any health problems that make anaesthesia more risky, the doctors will endeavour to find it beforehand. If this person you met online is putting themselves over as female, chances are that they are. Either that or someone is a very good actor. As you haven't met them in person, you have no solid proof. I would tread very carefully. As to the nature of your sexuality. If the person you met online is coming over as female, then the fact that they have a male body now, does not mean you are attracted to men. I have had a very similar experience. I met someone in my home town, via a support group for people with GID, and we spoke on the phone, exchanged letters, and finally arranged to meet. When I first saw her, I was taken aback, as she had a beard and moustache, and wore a parka coat. Now that the beard and moustache have gone, I see the female. I fell for her, but now she is living with another man. Re your sexuality, if you are relating to the person's inner self, and that is coming across as female, then what does it matter. It doesn't mean you are attracted to men. Hope this helps!

I suppose when i wrote this i skipped over the part where they told me they are male. even this persons appearance i find attractive even tho i find no other males attractive in any way.

i suppose you maybe right that i am attracted to the person they are in side and that is causing me not to care about anyone else. it's just something i had been confused about.

also I want to put forward that i have no issue with people who do likes guys in fact if i did i would be find with it. it was the fact that i don't that made me very confused.

as for the surgery, i know that all surgery is dangerous i was more asking if this type was more then other kinds

RKJS, when we 'meet' people online, we build up a mental image of that person, either from 'facts' we are given, or from our imaginations. If it then turns out that some of what we were told was incorrect, that makes the other person out to be a deceiver. The fact that this person then told you that they were male, does not change your sexuality, because you were deceived. You fell for the essence of the person being described to you. We all go through confusion of who we like growing up. I have grown up being attracted to females, but I've never thought of myself as a lesbian, because I see myself as male.
My advice would be to stick to friendships online, and not try and make more of it. You can end up hurt.
Good luck.

RK, this is exactly why gender and sex are different things. Gender is constructed and maintained in the mind, while sex is only one's physiological sex. So, the entire statements of "male" and "female" almost always go off a persons birth sex and not their gender.

In your case, as Trojan said, I would tread carefully regarding sexuality although for different reasons. In your case, just going off what you wrote, I'd say your straight. She's female just a transwomen, where the gender and natal sex contradict each other...simple, she's a girl and you like girls. If I were in her shoes and you called me male I'd be rather hurt by that, or if you withdrew because of this "sexuality crisis" I'd know it was about my gender and still be hurt. If you're serious about loving her and wanting to be with her, then you're going to have to gradually beat this last layer of heterosexism out of you.

The surgery has a relatively safe record.

HI RKJS,

It is not clear to me, have you met her?

I agree with Euler, she is a girl, she just happens to have male body parts, and that doesn't change your sexuality. If you are attracted to girls, then this makes sense to me. However you do have to deal with the reality that she does have male body parts. It is our society that lumps sex and gender together. It is also lack of commonplace english words male is male sex and male is male gender. But they are different things. And male is also more than "not female" which is how we often describe gender roles, one and not the other.

Personally, I think you must be amazing if she felt connected enough to tell you the truth. If you have not met her yet, though, please be wise when making the next steps.

Sam

oh i have met her and i have no worries about my sexuality. it's not something that troubles me all that much. I just find it interesting that i don't care and that i completely see this person as a she, it takes effort and feels wrong to call her by anything else.

I suppose the confusion was that i never felt mad, or upset, or anything bad when i found out i just kinda shrugged my shoulders and while it was odd i felt it was not something i needed to worry about too much.

and to the person who said I am special, while she says the same thing i would have to disagree, i really don't find anything special about loving a person for who they are rather the appearence

RKJS, What you write in your latest post, just demonstrates how accepting and open-minded you are, and selfless. Good on you!