Confused and Lost

So, sorry this will be alittle bit confusing to some, my name is Derek and I'm actually a split of a girl named Kayla, and she probably has this Gender Identity Disorder, because all of her splits are guys for one reason and one reason alone, she is dead set convinced that she is the wrong gender. She, no joke, knows she is supposed to be a male. She doesn't have a large chest, so that's one of the things that really has her going.
She wants to be a guy too. She's always wanted to be a guy. You can tell by the list of names in our signature. That's all of our names. Only two girls names on that list and that's Kayla (Original) and Mono, who we aren't even sure is still up there or not...she kind of disappeared after a week of being "created".
She has this plan that when she gets enough money after becoming a psychologist and an author that she will get a sex change. All of us really hope she goes through with it, and her girlfriend doesn't mind either way (that's what she says anyway), but her parents would kill her!
I don't know what to do for her. I mean...I'm stumped. Should I let her keep dreaming and maybe someday those dreams will come to fruition, or should I tell her it's not going to happen?
Is this GID, or is it just a crazy girl with a crazy dream?
~Derek S. Deveraux

HI JekyllHyde

I identify with the split feeling, so I understand what you are going through. Myself I don't know if I am split, or if I am two-spirited or what. But I am biologically female and I feel I should be male, or at least part of me, or as I call it my he-self.

Let me ask, Kayla herself feel male and her splits, does any part of her want to feel female (you and the others aside - if she can talk here that would be great)?

Are you all in therapy? For the alters or the GID. OFten people with DID have alters of the other gender. But why do you want to tell her what to dream? Can she just make a decision for herself? In order to go through a sex change there are lots of steps including therapy, to be sure this is what Kayla wants. So I think if she wants it in the long run, she should find a therapist to help her make the necessary steps.

It would be great if she could join the conversation.

Best,
Sam

Well, see, I want to be male also, so in my Inside World, I actually am. my name is L when I'm there, because I don't know what else to be called (Kaleb is my male name, but that would be confusing to have two Kaleb's...ones enough.)
And no, not in therapy. my mother doesn't believe the psychologist that I have DID, so I haven't really told her about the fact that I want to be a male... And my alters aren't forcing me into anything, so don't worry. it's something I want to. Notice there's only two 'girl' splits and that's me (when fronted) and Mono, and Mono is like...my childhood.
But, is what I'm going through classified as GID?
~L

Hi JekyllHyde,

It sounds from your posts as if you have a multiple personality as a primary condition, but within that you are saying that you have male personalities and female personalities. It seems to me that the gender identity difficulties is a secondary condition. I think you need to consider does the sex change
come from your prime personality, or is it something one of you alter egos is trying to coax you into?

I personally want it for myself, and the fact that they want it to just makes the decision that much easier. It won't affect them, but it will make me happy. It's something I've wanted for a long time. Before the others. When it was just Kaleb and I. I wanted to BE Kaleb...
I can't stand reading stories from the point of view of a woman/girl, I can't write anything from the female point of view, I refuse to draw women/girls... It's how I've always been. I don't know what it is. And the funny part, is that I can't usually stand the males (at my school). They're all so...obnoxious and rude. And I seem to get on fine with them as friends, but when anything seems to be going farther I back down and disappear. With females it's even stranger...I seem to only have feelings of attraction towards them, and it's hard to talk to them because I feel like I don't belong.
It's like...I don't belong with the guys, because I can only relate to them to a point, and I don't belong with the females either, because I don't have any of the same intrests...
I just don't know where I fit in, where I belong...
~L

Trojan that is a really good post. I struggle with whether I have GID, and some form of undeveloped DID, and often feel that my he-self is pushing the male thing. I don't have a true sense of who would be my core, so I prefer not to use the term. But my she-self feels more like a creation, or adaptation to at least have something stable in my "mental childhood". But she has done so much for us/me I can't pretend there is no female part of me.

JekyllHyde, I think you have to get at whether you really want to be female or not. I understand you don't feel like your alters are forcing you, but they can be very convincing. I understand the difficulty of dealing with your parents. I can't even dream of telling them any of this!! But you did see a psychologist, is it possible to go see them again? If you ever want to pursue the sex change you would have to go through therapy, so maybe this could be a first step?

Sam

Re: your last post.

I completely understand, you have summed up how I feel too. It is very hard. But now that I understand that i feel more like male, it makes a lot more sense. That I seek male friendships. I am bisexual and attracted to both though.

If you sit with a group of people, guys and girls, do you feel like you are one of the guys or one of the girls?

Sam

The psychologist I saw was a school psychologist. She works at my high school. And she had to team up with the social worker and they both called my mother to tell her about the DID, but my mother didn't believe them, and I haven't been back to talk to them since.
And with the schedule I have this year, I don't really have any classes I could skip to go talk to the psychologist. And I don't drive yet, so I can't just up and take myself somewhere.
Maybe next semester when things start to cool off and things aren't so difficult I can take some time to go see the school psychologist again, but I don't think what I have to talk about is something you go to a school psychologist with...
~L

I think it's important with Gender Identity problems, to recognise that however far we are through treatment, and even long before treatment, to some extent, we all have more than one personality within us. I grew up prior to any treatment having four different characters within me, and all of them were totally different. However I found that one particular personality got me to get treatment.
I still find one of my personalities comes to the fore when in social situations. It's a personality that is not comfortable around strangers, so I don't socialise, except for taking the dog for a walk. I have a few friends who know me as the real me, but making new friends is something I am not comfortable with. Social situations seem to throw me, as when I am with women, I 100 percent feel male, but when I'm with men(usually one on one)I feel less male.........it's as if there is something holding me back being my true self, in case they start to think something is amiss. I should be more worried about socialising with women, as they seem to see things that men don't.

In a group of guys and girls, I feel like one of the guys. Because I have more to talk about with them. Unless we are talking tomgirls, because then I fit in with them too. They like talking about video games and stuff.
And TROJAN, you are very very wise. (ps, I have a doggie too! A husky!)
~Sammy!