I need some help.

Hi, my name is mark and i feel i am very confused about my gender and i don't know what to do.I am a teen and I have been feeling this way since I was 9. I live with my mom and my sister who are very loving and supportive my sister is 10 and she and I are very close. My father died when 8, he was a very kind and nice man and I often think of what he would have thought of me if he knew I have this disorder. My family does not know I have these feelings. I am very depressed and often think I am going to kill myself, but every time I do I think of my family without me and I feel even worse about myself. I am very confused right now, this morning my mom and I got into a big argument and my mother said why are you always sad? I know my mother loves me very much but I feel that if I tell anyone they will think I am a freak. I am very into technology and history. I get complements all the time at how polite I am and well rounded so everyone does not know why I am feeling this way. I often try to put these feelings aside but they just keep coming back I don't think I can keep living like this but i don't think I can ever bring myself to tell someone about his. I am very sick right now and I am on my computer I will keep checking this forum for a some time. I hope you can understand.

Hi, Mark! You have nothing to be ashamed of and I'm sure your dad would have still loved you and understood if he knew about this. This is not your fault and you're not doing anything wrong.
You could talk about it here, for a start! How are you? Sorry about the late reply.

Hey Mark,

Gender issues are really hard to deal with. I commend you for reaching out. This forum can be quite so please post if you'd like but be patient for responses. Even though people may not post your posts help all kinds of people reading.

I can relate. My family, my husband do not know of my GID related feelings. And I am not sure about my GID< how much of it is real, how much of it is just self-rejection on another level. It can be very complicated.

I can also relate with how everyone sees you as being "ok" on the outside. It is hard knowing you are not on the inside.

FOr me the best thing that I have done is getting it out somewhere, on this site, with a therapist. You don't have to have a plan, or plan to transition, or plan to cross-dress. YOu can just talk. People with GID often also have depression. If your mom asked why you are sad, it sounds like she cares (unless it was while cursing you). Could you tell her that you don't feel happy? You don't have to tell your mom about GID, but maybe you can ask her if she can help you see a therapist, to work out your feelings. you are young and i think if you can deal with your feelings early on you can live a happier life. gender feelings do not go away and they will be eternally a challenge. But you can find happiness, but I strongly suggest finding a professional who is well-trained in gender issues.

Imagine for a moment or a day when you are out and about by yourself (I do this while driving my car, or walking somewhere) that you are a girl. How does it make you feel?

keep talking if you'd like,
Sam

Hi Mark, what you are feeling about your gender issues all sounds very normal to me, but because you are a teen, your hormones are probably raging and you are fighting emotional feelings against physical feelings that to you don't feel right. I had feelings of being a male trapped in a female body from at least the age of 8, and felt unable to talk to anyone about it, but when I was 32, I realised if I was to get things sorted, I had to talk to someone.

Do you have an understanding GP/physician? If so, you could raise things with them. It will all be kept
strictly confidential, and it will get you into a counselling programme. Not talking about it is what is making you so depressed, as things just go round and round in your head.

Telling family how you are feeling is the hardest part, but if you have a good relationship with one member of your family, you could start to talk to them in general terms about your feelings, but try not to be too clinical. This may just put them on the defensive.

I hope this helps.