Please Rethink Transgender Psychology ?

I think most people know what "1000 yard stare" means. The time has been so hard, so very hard. I promise that I will go on as long as I can but today I feel weak. I fight on as strongly as I can but with what seems like a thousand different people giving me advice it is hard. Most of the advice given just shows that people don't understand the depth of the problem. They say things like: don't tell anyone; do be honest and tell; be true to yourself; don't be self destructive.

I am inherently religous. I love God. However, I know that when I go to a new Church or Mosque, people will eventually tumble to it and some or all of them will reject me. Some of the edicts they lay on me just shows that they don't understand the T problem and perhaps don't know God either. So, it is always really about them, and no one else.

Why do people try to prevent suicides? It certainly it is not because of the person who did it having felt so bad that they could not continue, no it is about them and others feeling bad that they know they should have and could have given a little love and saved a life. I just don't buy the bloody lie that God will punish the one who takes their own life. No, I basically don't do it because there is that faint fantasy that somehow tomorrow will be better, and that we are told that if we do it then three others will follow.

Looking back at my own experience, Mom raised me as a girl very early one for 5 years. She named me Gwen, actually Gwinn but everyone in America always assumed it was Gwen. I can't tell you how often I was assigned girls PE, or now many girl's magazines I got in the mail. Still, all in all, if I were truly a male then if I'd had a real dad, I wonder if it would have been different. You know, some one to emulate. I'LL Continue this in the next post.

So, if I'd had a real dad, someone to emulate, teach me, and correct me humanely when I'd made a mistake? I wonder what that would have looked like?

What would it have been like to have a man around that was not always pissed off; someone who did not drink and look for someone to beat?

What would it have been like had my counselors actually tried to address the abuse issues before they encouraged my transgender delusions? Or were they delusions? I know that genetically I am not a normal XY. The Doc says that my Y gene is badly damaged, so what range of conduct can be expected of me?

I really think that I fell in with counselors that had a vested interest in counseling T folk and to keep them coming back, to encourage the development of it. Sadly, now I am far to female to ever turn back, not that I am such a bad woman, but that I look mostly like a woman and am very successful at it. I was a dismal failure as a male on a personal level. Oh, I did the stuff and was successful in my occupation, but I was always very sad inside. As a woman I am very happy but facing the rejections of the people that find out your past and suddenly get righteous, well it is too much.

1000yardstare wrote:I think most people know what "1000 yard stare" means. The time has been so hard, so very hard. I promise that I will go on as long as I can but today I feel weak. I fight on as strongly as I can but with what seems like a thousand different people giving me advice it is hard. Most of the advice given just shows that people don't understand the depth of the problem. They say things like: don't tell anyone; do be honest and tell; be true to yourself; don't be self destructive.

People are different, reserve the truth for those that can handle it or deserve it. (sorry for more advice)
May I ask out of ignorance? What or who are you fighting?

1000yardstare wrote:I am inherently religous. I love God. However, I know that when I go to a new Church or Mosque, people will eventually tumble to it and some or all of them will reject me. Some of the edicts they lay on me just shows that they don't understand the T problem and perhaps don't know God either. So, it is always really about them, and no one else.

You needn't confess your life to the congregation. Go where you will be accepted.
I love god also for the things he has shown me, but I also love my sin, so God may not love me, unless he wishes to change me.
Since I have no say in the matter either way, I go on with life, for as long as it lasts.

1000yardstare wrote:Why do people try to prevent suicides? It certainly it is not because of the person who did it having felt so bad that they could not continue, no it is about them and others feeling bad that they know they should have and could have given a little love and saved a life.

Because it might be a person that owes them money? (a little humor)
It could be that that suicidal person may go on to do something great for others.
Some of our girlfriends think we have taken the mind reading class, but some of us need to know when someone needs love, because it does not come naturally. (the normal way)

1000yardstare wrote:I just don't buy the bloody lie that God will punish the one who takes their own life. No, I basically don't do it because there is that faint fantasy that somehow tomorrow will be better, and that we are told that if we do it then three others will follow.

I don't buy it either. He is not going to wake you up, to do the the deed again. Its good to have hope in the morrow.

1000yardstare wrote:Looking back at my own experience, Mom raised me as a girl very early one for 5 years. She named me Gwen, actually Gwinn but everyone in America always assumed it was Gwen. I can't tell you how often I was assigned girls PE, or now many girl's magazines I got in the mail. Still, all in all, if I were truly a male then if I'd had a real dad, I wonder if it would have been different. You know, some one to emulate.
So, if I'd had a real dad, someone to emulate, teach me, and correct me humanely when I'd made a mistake? I wonder what that would have looked like?
What would it have been like to have a man around that was not always pissed off; someone who did not drink and look for someone to beat?
What would it have been like had my counselors actually tried to address the abuse issues before they encouraged my transgender delusions? Or were they delusions? I know that genetically I am not a normal XY. The Doc says that my Y gene is badly damaged, so what range of conduct can be expected of me?

Whats done is done. We can only change the past in our minds. "What if" thinking is good if it encourages you to deal with the present and future.

1000yardstare wrote:I really think that I fell in with counselors that had a vested interest in counseling T folk and to keep them coming back, to encourage the development of it. Sadly, now I am far to female to ever turn back, not that I am such a bad woman, but that I look mostly like a woman and am very successful at it. I was a dismal failure as a male on a personal level. Oh, I did the stuff and was successful in my occupation, but I was always very sad inside. As a woman I am very happy but facing the rejections of the people that find out your past and suddenly get righteous, well it is too much.

You can't please everyone. Just try with the ones that count.

Are you content with yourself?

Feel free to disregard this advice. (makes me feel old)