Gender Neutrality... And How It Sucks

So, I'm a girl physically, and nothing really if you ask.
I have a gender neutral name, even.
Sexually I don't have a preference, but I'm currently dating a guy. I've dated both.
I dress... Well... I'm here because that's what's really bothering me today.

Most days I don't care. I just wear the clothes that I'm expected to for work and come home and throw on my boy jeans or my girls or whatever. I don't really care either way and my boyfriend doesn't care either way.
I'm not feminine or a tomboy. I'm nothing, and everyday that's okay.

Except... days like today... when people make it clear that I'm supposed be a girl.
I'm a female, so I should be a girl. I should be able to walk in heels and know how to do my hair and have long red fingernails and everything... I should care about all that superficial bullsh!t..
What's worse is when they do it and then turn around say that it's okay that I don't. I should change, but it's okay if I don't.

The boyfriend wishes I was more feminine... that I had lingerie and all that crap. Skirts and heels and frilly this and whatever... I don't even know. I can't do it I'm not good at it... and... I... I don't know what to do... and it hurts... I don't get why I have to be... He says I don't but he wishes I was all the same... which is normal for a straight guy. I just... I can't live up to it.

I've tried... I mean, I WAS born a girl, so I did try everything... I just never really caught on. I can't be a guy any better. I'm just... me... and... I thought I'd found someone that understood and it just hurts...
I wish I could be the person someone wanted so they'd stop wanting someone else... or at least the person I was born as... at least it would make sense to them... No one understands... why does it hurt?

Hey SmileXx,

I am female and identify as a woman. But I dislike most stereotypical female clothing and behaviour. I do not own any high heels, handbags or nail polish. I cringe when I see women trying to run in high heels, or walking barefoot and carrying the offending articles of footwear in their hands - such madness!

It is probably common to wish our partners were different in some way. We might wish that they were tidier, or better at communicating, or more skilled lovers. Unless your boyfriend is rude or intolerant about it, I wouldn't be offended that he wishes you were more feminine. I'd take it as a compliment - he's still with you despite you not satisfying this wish of his, so clearly he must like you a lot in other ways!

Don't feel obliged to dress any differently than you want to. Sure, some people have fixed ideas about how women should look and behave, but unless you really want to impress someone like that, why worry about their narrow-minded opinion?

Oh and you don't have to satisfy all your boyfriend's wishes (no more than he has to satisfy all of yours!) You can only be yourself.

If you are worried about feeling gender neutral, perhaps you could find someone you can talk to about this topic. (Maybe a psychologist?)

You seem to have described yourself as "nothing" repeatedly. What do you mean by "nothing"? You do not have to feel strongly male or female to be 'something'. You can be a fabulous gender-neutral person!

I'm better today...
I should have probably also mentioned that I'm extremely bipolar.
I'm going to go shopping this weekend anyway. I dislike a lot of my wardrobe anyway... because my mother bought a lot of it and she never really got the memo that I dislike pastels... I'm 22... I think I'm old enough to throw them away instead of just hide them...
The BF and I had a long talk about it... He doesn't really care what I wear, actually. Like ever.

I have to stop losing my mind and posting things when I'm having a bipolar fit...
Although... I think that's why I'm a member here...

And... thank you Ms. Platypus, for your kind words. ^_^

Glad to hear that you're feeling better.

Oh, and I hate pastels too. And don't even get me started on those big white wedding dresses!

Oh my god...
Wedding dresses...
Marriage in general is kind of freaking me out about now.
My friend married this adorable little girl and I'm really happy for him and all but their happiness totally makes me uncomfortable for some reason. It's been a while since the wedding and now they're having a baby. He already had a baby from when he knocked up a girl in high school, so it was all "happy fmaily" to start, but... I mean it weird me out... probably because he's younger than me and has been notoriously more irresponsible and now he's happy homemaker hubby...

If I get married...
I dunno... I've had lots of plans for that... but every time I have plans for things they fizzle out in the end.
I'm betting I never get married anyway, so whatever to it all. Lol.
Marriage is a word. Love something else entirely anyway.

Born with a vagina. When I was little I played kiss-chase on the boy's side, climbed trees, watched Thundercats, played with dinosaur toys, watched cartoons, played games...

Come secondary school I was singled out and bullied for being weird and not conforming, and gender was an issue (I wanted to talk games and play sports with the boys, but they got picked on if they saw a girl like me talking to them). Depression kicked off in full (and stuck with me).

Thankfully I got out of there alive and learnt how to use said vagina, embraced my sexuality (heterosexual and forward; if I liked someone I'd ask them out, not flutter my eyelashes and hope) and slowly got more open about who I am and my leftover violent emotions from secondary school slowly died down...

Calmer and happier nowadays, and finally have good friends who I can trust. Never had to wear high heels or talk about handbags.

Go with what works! Stereotypes are for the unimaginative!*

* This said I'd be a very stereotypical guy if I weren't female... But my male friends are mostly all more interested in clothes, hair and make-up than I am (alternative types; fun) so it evens out?

Don't worry about it. I think you said you're 22- if I'm correct then screw anyone who says you HAVE TO like nailpolish or high heels or any of that stuff. You don't have to do anything! You're your own person!
You'll notice now that you're becoming an adult that youre going to make your own decisions more and people will be a little more tolerant than they were in school. So thats good.
I'm neutral too. I don't use any of those names for it that people use now-- there are about 100 of them-- some of them are ridiculous- so if you go googling about it (as I did) don't get scared LOL.
So yeah just be yourself. If you wanna dress up girly for fun then do it- but don't do anything because someone else says you should. You'll be fine.