My life as a double agent

Hi guys, just registered here and wanted some advice on my current situation.

I am an 23 year old male who like many people on here seems to have been born with the wrong body, i wish i was a female, enjoy doing female things more than male things and such. But everybody knows me as a perfectly normal straight male. I do what is socially exceptable for me to do. I work as a mechanic, watch sports and play video games. But when my roommate is working and i dress up as a girl and do the dishes i am happier than anything i can do as a guy. Everything I do and act as a guy is an act of deception.

I've been covering it for years, i first felt this way i think in my early teens, maybe like 10 even. If i go out publically and see an attractive girl i desire to be her, not be with her like a normal male. I cope with this by staying at home playing video games and watching sports, and work in a shop as a mechanic because these situations won't bring out these desires badly.

Anyway i dont think i can just mentally change and im kind of tired of being so depressed. i don't care about my career in life and if i were to just die in an accident i wouldn't find it regrettable. I would never take my own life though, i am not such a coward to do so.

I've read a bit about sexual reassignment surgery, my main question would be how long and how much money would it take to turn into a legitimate female. I already have a feminine body, i weigh about 130, 6" tall. skinny. Of course I have body hair though. things like the voice change, adams apple and facial hair.

Can anyone give me any ideas on how much it would take to turn myself into a passable female? i dont want to change into a sort of manly woman or kind of inbetween person.

Thanks for reading my story. Cheers.

You have a lot of reading to do.

If I have one piece of advice, it would be to make haste slowly.

It is horribly easy to destroy your ability to earn a living and destroy
your ability to make money. Having money is key to not getting stuck
in a bad situation. And it can get really bad really fast if you make
the wrong moves.

So make haste slowly.
I suggest (only a suggestion) you start your reading with
Transgender Emergence: Therapeutic Guidelines for Working With Gender-Variant People and Their Families
Arlene Istar Lev (Author)
ISBN 078902117X
Published in 2004, it costs roughly $45 in paperback.
It is over 500 pages, you will not read it in a single weekend. Neither will you be able to read it with dry eyes.

Beware, there are lots of books with very bad advice in them. Lev's book is not one of them.

One of my close friends had the "op." several years ago. It's not made her any happier or sadder in the long term. I met her when she was he and was 19. He had a curvy body with distinct hips and narrow waist about 28". The voice WAS a girl's voice altogether -- and that was the problem. At work he did telephone calls all day, and the callers wouldn't believe he was male. That was the real reason he had the op. (and a certain amount of bullying). Now he's lived with a guy for years, to all intents and purposes, it's a marriage. But to me he's changed from a nice-looking boy to what appears to be a middle-aged woman, but convincing. She has no trouble fooling everyone, even in-laws....
Some of the t/gurls I've known though just don't have the body to be convincing. Too tall, big feet, adam's apple, deep voice.
I'd say this is the root of the question "shall I have the op"? If you're not already built like a Philipino, i.e. five foot nothing tall, slender and willowy -- don't do it. No amount of money for cosmetic surgery (that's what it's called in UK) is going to work. Best turn your attention elsewhere instead of yearning in vain.
Fredllfixit.

take a vacation! go to NYC and buy some pretty dresses, stay in a nice hotel, and go out and have yourself some fun.. dressed as a beautiful woman. buy some cute shoes, too.

then buy that book someone mentioned in the last post to ease yourself mentally into making a life-style change so you are happier. but give yourself a break! have a little fun

you are normal, and it's totally normal to want to be creative and expressive.

** read Judith Butler, she is an amazing philosopher who speaks on gender issues, and how it isn't neccisary to change your body in order to be considered the opposite sex. start calling your penis your vagina, and you will see what i mean.

relax, dress pretty, and plan yourself a nice fun vacation with plenty of time to catch up on some thought provoking literature.

be well