A Story

Hello everyone. I'm 15 and my name, for now, is Grayson. I've had GID forever it seems. I don't know when it started, all I know is that my family is scared of it. It's not like I'm betraying who I am to them though, because I identify with two genders. One of them is a straight 15 year old girl, the other is still 15, just secretly gay and male. It's the latter that I'd love to tell you about.

This is the introduction to my story, and I say story because if it were true, I imagine I'd be in a lot of trouble all over the place. My first identity died with my immediate family, and I became Grayson. My aunt and uncle came to adopt me, and found Grayson in my place. With a little help from a therapist with some friends, I walked away from who I was. To say it outright, I am now enrolled in an all boys private school, boarding optional. With this tale I hope to introduce myself, and later consider this board for help if you would all be so kind.

But the scary thing is...right now I dont want to change.

Has anyone with GID ever wondered if maybe, just maybe, it was an ultimate test of self? A test of both your sides. The male can be strong, a gentleman, be everything so many modern men neglect. The female can be so unique, beyond expectations, has traits from both sides (honestly for gentleman, you have those "girly" qualities). And the body you're born with, it has so many more secrets that usual. It's testing your sexuality, how steady you are, how much you can take. And here I find myself testing both my sides. Also, I find myself testing to see if men, even straight men, can still fall in love with me.

A boy told me he was gay today, and said he was in love. I congratulated him on his guts and resolve, and then he told me it was I who he loved. For the briefest instant, I felt I had betrayed him. I thought "He's not really gay though.". But I AM male...so is it fair?

The people here also acknowledge that I am gay. Until recently, I was dating a boy from my old school. He was so supportive, but I guess my being here finally brought him over the edge. Thought his reason was ridiculous. "I liked your hair better longer." For people struggling with coming out; how many of you girls have cut your hair? Why do so many people seem to have problems with it?