Living a lie.

There's something really bothering, and I know it's really bothering me because I came to this forum for some reason even though I haven't visited it in a long time (or so it feels like). I just feel so angry right now, and I don't really know what to do about it. I'm posting in the GID section because the cause for this feeling is that I cannot live my life as another other guy, simply for the fact I have no Y chromosome, no penis, etc. It just hurts so much not to have the same things as other guys.

It feels so unfair. I mean, there are a lot of things in life that are unfair, of course, but for some reason this feels so wrong. Up until recently, I've been able to just put my gender issues aside, because I have a lot of other problems to deal with, and the gender thing never really seemed like a big deal, perhaps because I was younger. I am only seventeen currently, however, so I am still young, but recently it has just become so much worse. I know, I know, you'll just say that I should see a professional about it. I am seeing someone about anxiety and I suppose I just need to work up the courage to tell them, but that is currently irrelevant.

I really don't know what I'm looking for in posting this, but I just don't know how I'm going to put up with this problem by entire life. Some (non-trans) people have suggested to me that I get a sex change, as you might expect, but I suppose they don't realize that it is simply not at all that simple. It doesn't work out so well a lot of the time, not as good as the real thing (in my opinion, at least, from what I've seen or heard), and besides that, I'll never get my childhood back. I'll never get to grow up as a boy, like I really want. I can only "pretend". I mean, I know I'm not pretending when I say I'm male. I know I am biologically female, but I do otherwise feel that I am completely male, and I would love nothing more than to be able to live as any other guy.

One problem is relationships. Of course there are always people who won't at all mind dating someone who has such a problem as this, but it still hurts to think that I don't have the same opportunities as other men. Straight women and gay men often don't want someone they see as a "woman"; it is an indescribably painful situation.

It just hurts, but there's nothing I can do. It almost makes me wish I were a girl.

I'd say start out small, like buying men's clothes, getting a guy's hair cut, etc. Begin trying to pass. Also being trans I know it's not the same thing, but it's a start. As for the relationships, I've been dating bi people. XD Or try a trans dating site. transpassions.com is what I use. There are options. It may not be as easy for people like us, but it is possible.

Also, have you ever read Luna or Parrotfish? Luna is the opposite, (M2F) but I found it really useful, and Parrotfish goes more into detail about high school related things about being Trans. (Name changing in school, dressing in school, etc.) So, I really recommend them both.

I hope I helped at least a little bit. ^^

Eh, I do dress like a guy and everything, 'cause I just dress like myself, and act like myself, and I am male. And I know that there are people out there that would date a trans person, but I don't want to be identified as a trans person; I just want to be a normal guy, and that's what gets to me so much.

Hi, I'm FTM, have had all procedures including full forearm flap phalloplasty. I'm here to tell you that life is a bitch and an amazing heaven at the same time. If you're truly transsexual, you have no choice to either get on the journey in your own way or cease to exist. Yes, I used to feel the same as you before surgeries... as a teen I was so jealous over the other guys getting facial hair, muscular bodies, being able to play on the school football teams, the girls... yes I know how that feels. I feel your pain.

At some point in your life, you may want to realize the cold hard truth; You will NEVER EVER be accepted by mainstream society the way you see other people. Even if you never get surgeries and try to emulate the look and behavior of what's accepted, people will always be able to notice something "weird" or "eccentric" about you. You gotta face that and start falling in love with what you are, because believe me, there are things you and I can experience that nobody else can without becoming one of us. There are things you have the foundation of developing that other's can't. It's just not broadcast on CNN or Fox News, you understand?

And yes, I once decided that surgery was out of the question, so yes I can feel your pain in that too. Don't be surprised if you change your mind, and then change it back, and back and forth. It's normal and only you can figure out the right way to transition, but to me it seems like you're on the journey already. Journey doesn't always mean hormones or surgeries.LIke the other commenter said, take it one step at at time. Take it one day at a time and if you can't find yourself able to do that, dropping down to moment by moment may help. Hope this helps.