I am very confused about my gender and sexual orientation.

Well I am very confused about my gender and so far no other transgender person I've talked to this about has a clue what I'm talking about. This might be a little bit sexually explicit though, since I'm trying to explain my sexual orientation. >.<

I am currently an 18 year old that is physically male and I have thought I'm transgender for quite a while now. I actually dislike a lot of things about being a boy - I dislike having facial hair, dislike being treated like a boy, dislike having to wear formal male clothing(although as long as it's not something like a suit, wearing mens clothes doesn't bother me), I dislike being so hairy, the thought of getting someone pregnant disturbs me, I dislike being excluded from my girl friends sleepovers, I dislike being referred to as a boy, and I dislike being treated like a boy, such as when girls actually expect me to treat them different just because they're a girl or leave me out of girl talk.

I'm actually having a lot of trouble thinking up things that I would dislike about being a woman. I really do not think being physically weaker would matter too much, . However, I can think of a lot of things that would be bad about being a trans woman, such as the huge amounts of discrimination.

Now what is confusing me is that I don't quite understand what exactly I want from hormones, since I am very autogynephilic; I am completely submissive - can not have sex unless I'm the one submitting and usually I can not even feel sexually aroused by the thought of me being a man. If I want to get sexually aroused I normally have to think of myself as the woman - sometimes I can be aroused by the thought of myself being a man having sex with a woman, but I am still the submissive one and I usually somehow suddenly become a woman during these sexual thoughts of being a man.

I thought I was bisexual for a long time, but after dating a woman I found that I do not find sex with a woman at all enjoyable, although for some reason I still find myself fantasizing about women. I think I'm only sexually attracted to men, because vaginas gross me out(nothing else about women does) and I actually do like the thought of dating someone bigger and stronger than I am, I think probably because I'm the submissive one. For some reason the thought of using my penis at all during sex just does not sound appealing though, so I don't really identify as a gay male.

Now I do want to transition, but I want hormones, not implants, and I've heard hormones will make me incapable of enjoying sex. Since I'm autogynephilic I do not know whether I'm transgender or what's going on, since no other transgender people seem autogynephilic and, even though I want to transition, I do not want to regret transition.

I would consider thinking about the things that perhaps made you become like this in the first place. Are there any memories that may have effected why you are submissive and feel better being treated as a women compared to a man. Were you raised as a girl? Or do you just act girly?

I would ask around and perhaps seek a professionals help. If being screwed and keeping shaved is enough to make you happy I would take that route and not feel so bad about it. But if you think you would be a better person as a women I would seek professional guidance to make such a life altering choice.

I do think I definitely need electrolysis and I feel like I'd rather have a more feminine figure, so I know keeping shaved won't be enough. =/

Okay, let me take a crack at this...

There's a person's sex (biology), gender, then sexual orientation. For most people all three are on the same page. I know exactly what you're talking about, but in a different way. I'm bigendered, so my gender literally fluctuates between male and female. With all this comes all the gendaer norms. So, when I'm female I really can't do male period...that includes the bedroom stuff. What I mean by this is when I'm female I'm completely uncomfortable and resent having to be the dominant guy. Although I'm straight male and lesbian female, when I'm female I'd go with a guy since its more about me being allowed to be the submissive female.

So, I get the autogynephilia. Keep in mind though that psychology writes off the entire trans community as a sexual fetishism, so you find any real answers there. Nothing, absolutely nothing, is wrong with you. Think about it, everyone is a tad autogynephilic. Its super common for cis-gendered men to demand their partners tell them how big they are and how good they are in bed (even if they're crap in the sack). Sexual arousal and gender go hand-in-hand, but its only trans folks who get slapped with a label.

I reckon that if any cis-gendered person had their body changed and had to do the sexual gender role with that body change they wouldn't be in the mood either. So, doesn't it make sense that you need to be taken seriously in your gender (not the same as your sex) to be able to enjoy sex? To compound the issue, many cis-gendered woman/girls are completely unwilling (really hostile, from my experience) when a bio-guy acts like a girl in bed. So, I totally get the entire, "maybe I'm bi" kinda questioning. If you're like me, its more about feeling comfortable having sex as the gender that you are and damn everyone's expectations of your role based on your sex.

I've heard from many people who have transitioned that sex is enjoyable for them. Many of the issues that kill it are the social heterosexist dynamics that come with people's expectations of you in the bedroom. Its a rough up-hill battle but it does get better. So, don't let any of that nonsense dissuade you from trying out hormones.

Imagine a world where a more balanced view existed between the sexes. I wrote an article that examines the profound impact of gender equality on society. You can read it at

http://www.suite101.com/content/a-world ... es-a292031