Here goes...

I am not sure if this is a GID issue or not and I have also been questioning personality disorders.

The issue used to seem like DID however it does not carry the typical symptoms. I do not lose time and I do not "switch" in and out of personalities without knowing it. I have suffered no trauma that I can remember.

However, pretty much all my life I have had several other personalities that I am very much aware of. Each has his own life, memories, friends and family, job, emotions, style, etc. They are all male. I do not know when I began to create them, possibly around the age of five and I don't know why they exist.

I willingly switch into whatever personality suits my situation at the time. I am always aware that I am doing this when I do it. I seem to access these personalities when I am stressed, anxious, sad, need attention and sometimes I access the personalities for no reason at all... All of them have all suffered some type of trauma in one form or another.

Again, I know this doesn't sound like it fits this forum but the reason I am putting it here is because everything I have mentioned above adds up to one thing, I have always felt like a boy and all of the personalities within me are male. To further complicate things, I have always felt like a boy who suffered abuse.

I know that people have different coping skills and resort to different defense mechanisms. I have been told that perhaps since the behaviors started as a child that maybe it has just become a habit. I have also been told that maybe on some level I have adopted masculine achitypes to help myself feel more confident/powerful in the business world.

I don't buy that.... yeah it started as a child but why? I had a very happy childhood with no significant trauma that I can remember. I guess I was sort of lonely at times, not a lot of other kids in my neighborhood and I never really did feel that I fit in so it is possible I made up imaginary friends as kids do... but why all male and why all hurt? The other thing about that is they are not "imaginary friends"... they are "me". If that makes any sense.

Sometimes I have it under control but they are always with me in my head. Other times things get out of control.

A lot of confusion.

Thank you.

To add to this, I also have intense BDSM fetishes where I am male and being tortured.
Feel like a big freak!

I suppose I'm fairly suited to talk about this, seeing how I have both GID and DID. Neither have been diagnosed, due to expense.

otherthanme wrote:The issue used to seem like DID however it does not carry the typical symptoms. I do not lose time and I do not "switch" in and out of personalities without knowing it. I have suffered no trauma that I can remember.

Not everyone does. Some people have what's called co-consciousness.

Co-consciousness is the ability to communicate with other personalities in "real time," to hear what they think/feel about things, and sometimes to see what they're doing when they have control (and you don't)

That's the best definition I've found. And people's ideas of trauma are different. For example, my one alter Edward thinks that me losing my father when I was a child shouldn't have created any alters.

otherthanme wrote:However, pretty much all my life I have had several other personalities that I am very much aware of. Each has his own life, memories, friends and family, job, emotions, style, etc. They are all male. I do not know when I began to create them, possibly around the age of five and I don't know why they exist.

Have you talked to them? I'm almost fully co-conscious, so the ones that I can talk to I do, all the time. There are some of them that seem to know more than what I do, so that may be the case for you, as well. If they won't talk, I'd go with journaling.

otherthanme wrote:I willingly switch into whatever personality suits my situation at the time. I am always aware that I am doing this when I do it. I seem to access these personalities when I am stressed, anxious, sad, need attention and sometimes I access the personalities for no reason at all... All of them have all suffered some type of trauma in one form or another.

Is there a certain personality based on a certain situation? Because, that sounds like what I do. If I'm too upset I'll let one of the others take over.

otherthanme wrote:Again, I know this doesn't sound like it fits this forum but the reason I am putting it here is because everything I have mentioned above adds up to one thing, I have always felt like a boy and all of the personalities within me are male. To further complicate things, I have always felt like a boy who suffered abuse. The other thing about that is they are not "imaginary friends"... they are "me". If that makes any sense.

You could have both GID and DID. I'm not sure if they can be intertwined. But, I've felt like I should be a guy, for years now. I don't see it as: 'oh, my alters are male, so I should be too.' For me, I myself should be male. My alters, though they're part of me, are separate.

otherthanme wrote:Sometimes I have it under control but they are always with me in my head. Other times things get out of control.

What do you mean by 'things get out of control'?

I hope I've helped a little, at least. And bear in mind, I'm not a psychologist, so I can't diagnose you, or myself for that matter, but I've been dealing with alters for a few years now, (six years, I think. XD) so I thought I'd try to help. ^^