my son was just diagnosed GID

I need some help!! My son has just been diagnosed with Gender Identity Disorder and Aspergers. I've always knew something was 'different' with him .....he always liked girly things and at the age of two told me "Mommy,why did God make me a girl?"....I thought he would 'grow' out it.He has been in and out of counseling since he was 5....he was diagnosed at the age of 5 with ADD.

My heart breaks for him,he's not had many friends,has been called gay,#######1 and bullied his whole life!! I did home school him for 4 years,thinking that would help...was in public school until 5th grade.....but once he got into HS I couldn't do that anymore....so, HS totally has been hard for him. He's made a couple of friends,but nothing of real substance.His friends now are gay and bisexual.

I'm just wondering how to help him....I love him...that will never change....but I have a house full of kids, from twins that are 7,a 9 yr old and a 12 yr old. I cannot allow him bringing home boys or dating boys or anything like that while I have small children at home. I want to help him in anyway that I can....but he's only 17,so until he's out on his own I've told him he cannot 'date' boys....I know he is 'looking' for a boy,but I can't allow it 'knowingly'.

I am a Christian ....so this has been heartbreaking to say the least....but I will never abandon my son.....but I'm confused on what to do or how to help him!! We just started seeing a psychologist who is supposed to be a 'specialist' in this. He will start seeing him every week starting next week. Please any advice,would be great.....could I have caused this in any way???Or does everyone believe that you are 'born' this way???

Thank you and God Bless!

I'm going to intentionally not focus on this as a religious issue, as religion has no place in my life anyway. I have closely known two 'boys' who are currently in your son's position, and one is well on the way to becoming a girl currently. I'm stillin communication with 'him' off the website therough email. Your son needs something to look forward to, I believe, as one of the worst things that can happen to a person is to feel like a prisoner inside their own body/mind. If you look around you and do some research, the many of the depressed are those who feel alientated and cannot be themselves. For people like your son, this problem is exacerbated by being trapped in a physical sense too.

What advice did the doctor who diagnosed him give?

Kevin

momto5kids: "...I have a house full of kids, from twins that are 7,a 9 yr old and a 12 yr old. I cannot allow him bringing home boys or dating boys or anything like that while I have small children at home."

How is this any different from him bringing home girls or dating girls?

Think about that for a minute: would you apply these same standards if he were to date girls or bring them home?

If so, why?
If not, why?

Aspergers is the most common comorbidity among gender variant people.
No-one really understands why, there is a support group for the combination though.
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/TransgenderPDD/

A problem is that only perhaps 25% of members of that group are concerned parents and a majority of Asperger people in this situation are, as it were, going the opposite direction (raised as girls, but want to live as men). Nonetheless there are resources if you pipe up in group and ask.

You don't say where you live, it makes a huge difference and you offer no clue. If it is, for example, Memphis that will be a lot harder than if it were, say, Amsterdam.

As a general comment, for a 17 year old, the best bet might be college somewhere that is too far to come home every week.
Many colleges now offer dorm rooms especially set aside for transkids. If your child is not college material then a job far away perhaps. Avoid the military! With a bunch of kids in the house and pushing 18, and especially with a Christian parent then leaving home at 18 has to be a good option all around.

For a Christian I would suggest this reading: Galatians 3:28
There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus.
This is a new testament reading which, for Christians (not Jews), supersedes the more commonly quoted Old Testament passages that point in the opposite direction. It is interesting to note that Jesus was a virgin birth; it is a biological fact that virgin birth mammals are commonly intersexed so Jesus may very well have been FTM transsexual Himself. Never being married in that society would point in the same direction.

HenryHall wrote:Aspergers is the most common comorbidity among gender variant people.
No-one really understands why...

Sorry to just reply to this, but i'm interested in what you say. More to the point, I want to know where you heard that it's the "most common" comorbidity among gender variant people? I am fascinated by what you said because in a thread on the Asperger's Forum (on this website) recently, we were talking about how Asperger's males seem to be more 'female-like' than other males; whilst Asperger's females seem to be more 'male-like'. I put this down to the men having low testosterone, and the females having low female hormones (oestrogen, progesterone, etc).

...something is shouting in my head right now too, saying to me that Asperger's has been linked to the X chromosome previously, which as we all know is regarded as the female chromosome (XX=female; XY=male). Interestingly, men have nipples because every foetus starts off growing as a female. If the Y chromosome is present, however, its genes become activated later in the foetus' development and halt the growth of the nipples.

Kevin

The support group is at
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/TransgenderPDD

The members of that group have specifically agreed that, as a matter of policy, it is a peer support group and only those with a personal involvement (including relatives and romantic partners) are welcome to access the information. Due to past bad experiences with academics, researchers, those who are fascinated, and especially mental health professionals are excluded (unless they are also personally involved).

Allow such people in and it simply isn't a safe place any longer.

^ you might know about this. What if you're really androgynous? Where your masculinity and femininity is completely compartmentalized, making you feel either male or female depending on different factors? Is that a form of gender identity god knows what?

>>> What if you're really androgynous? Where your masculinity and femininity is completely compartmentalized, making you feel either male or female depending on different factors? Is that a form of gender identity god knows what?

All I really know about that is that it is not uncommon, and it is a problem only if you want it to be a problem.

Gender identity god?
No-one cares I would think, it's just psychobabble.

In five years time "gender identity disorders" will be consigned to the dustbin of pseudoscience fiction. If you read Spanish, see for example
http://www.europapress.es/epsocial/poli ... 30929.html

First: Momto5kids:

Typically religions can not engage the available scientific knowlege, and I could give you many examples to show that. ELCA Lutherans are trying, as are some Church of Christ and Unitarian congregations. Still it is a, "tough row to hoe" for anyone involved. Aspergers is a documentable Medical problem and your church just will not get it.

Trying not to sound bitter here. I was an extremely devout Christian for over 30 years, intended to go to Bible College, but as soon as I surfaced with my little problem (Intersex) I was banished to another planet. Your son's problem is not a moral issue.

Now is the time to really rely on God, (for me it is Allah SWT) because when painful things befall us we tend to blame all sorts of things. The fact is that life happens to us, and I believe that we are being tested or taught, never punished. Perhaps you will be apt to blame yourself, most parents make that stop at some time. Don't blame yourself. It just is.

You will likely not be able to make his conduct be socially acceptable at all times.

I live in Portland, Oregon, and feel safe. I doubt that I would be safe in Houston.

Much Peace

Hi mom5kids,

The best thing you can do is follow the advise of Gal 2:5 "God is love". That is probably the most important scripture in the entire bible, and if you don't follow anything else in it, you absolutely, unequivocalbly have to follow that one, that is...if you are to keep in line with the TRUTH and TRUE following of what Christianity really is supposed to be about.

Love your child for what he or she truly is. God doesn't hand you all the answers in a nice shiny book, nor does he wisper the answers to any religious leaders. You have free will to listen to one of two things inside of you, fear and love. I have had all my surgeries and don't have any family. It's a cruel world not to have family of some sort. Don't let any religion, church or other people tell you what to do or how to treat your child. Doing what you think you're supposed to is not the same as doing what's intrinsically right within.

Being GID is a harsh and cruel life. Your child needs your utmost love and support, because she will be faced with all kinds of horrible crap soon enough even if he decides to not get any surgeries or transition. And while you're at it, try to get some kind of therapy or counseling for yourself. Being the parent of a GID child can be devastating to some parents, almost as if the child they knew and loved has died and this "new" person is going to be here now. Or some parents feel like they don't know their child at all and it can all be very difficult for the parents as well. Also, stop blaming yourself if you are. GID has nothing to do with how well parents raised their children and has everything to do with just letting nature be. Yes I said nature, think clownfish, snails, frogs, etc. All of these species are known to either be hermaphroditic or to change sex.

You may be interested in these 2 books to help you understand a little more and to process what is going on in your life:
"True Selves" Chloe Rounsley
"As Nature Made Him" John Colapinto

Hope this helps.