I Always Fantasize About Being A Girl

Hello everyone,

This is my first post, and the first time I've really laid out these things about me.

I am 29 and have been happily married for nearly a year now. I have no problems being a guy, I don't feel like I'm a girl trapped in a guy's body, and I don't really crossdress that much.

However since my teenage years I seem to have a fetish about being a woman and having sex as a woman. It started fantasizing myself in lesbian scenarios, but developed to fantasizing about being a girl and having sex with men to the point where I now find the latter more arousing.

I am not interested in male-to-male homosexuality, but I think if I were turned into a girl, I would so want to be with a man.

So there I am, married to my wife who I love very much and enjoy our sex life, but I have this sexual fetish about being a girl that I haven't shared with her. I find myself hyper stimulated by women in general, I look at porn, and easily climax with my wife, and I think this fixation on the female form in general has led me to wanting to know what it feels to be one.

I'm realtively comfortable with that duality, but I would so want to share it with my wife. I can't help but think she'd be hurt that I hadn't shared something like this with her before.

Bowie1979 wrote:...So there I am, married to my wife who I love very much and enjoy our sex life, but I have this sexual fetish about being a girl that I haven't shared with her. I find myself hyper stimulated by women in general, I look at porn, and easily climax with my wife, and I think this fixation on the female form in general has led me to wanting to know what it feels to be one.

I'm relatively comfortable with that duality, but I would so want to share it with my wife. I can't help but think she'd be hurt that I hadn't shared something like this with her before.

You know your wife better than anyone here, so ultimately you have to make the best decision you can about disclosure.

There are some things that are more destructive when shared and other things that can help build intimacy.

One big question: Do your sexual fantasies of femaleness occur apart from sex with your wife, or during?

It's not uncommon for a wife to be put off by her husband imagining himself having sex with someone else or, in your situation, imagining yourself as female having sex with a man.

Right now, she is thinking you are sharing an intimate moment with her; if and when she finds out about your fantasies, don't be surprised if she feels on some level that you are just using her for your own sexual gratification.

She might ask to refrain from sex if you are projecting yourself into a woman's body the whole time during your time together. She will probably feel like a stand-in in your sexual fantasies, otherwise.

If you do tell her, i would just say remember that she probably wants to know that (1) you love her and (2) you're not going to leave her or use her. Anything you can say that can affirm those things would (I imagine) be very helpful.

You actually have a relatively common fetish called a transvestite fetish. You are a heterosexual cross-dresser. It means you are a normal, healthy, heterosexual with one little kink hard-wired in your brain. When you feminize yourself your brain releases dopamine and other neurotransmitters which produce sensations of well-being, pleasure, sexual gratification and bonding. Its just as if your brain interprets cross-dressing for actual contact with a female. You get all stimulated. The reward centers of your brain are activated. Unfortunately, it also mimics the addiction response. You cannot stop your brain from releasing these neurotransmitters.

Most men with this condition consider it a problem. It makes them feel guilt and shame. They are heterosexuals and they want a girlfriend, and they want to get married some day. So they limit their cross-dressing and keep it private, very private. That's cool. That's how they are able to keep it under control. Remember this mimics the addiction response, and you have to control it, or it will control you. So just set your limits and live within them.

You really don't love to wear women's clothing. You love the neurotransmitters. So you fantasize and use cross-dressing as the tools to get your brain to release them. You imagine an ideal feminine image and place yourself in that image. You cross-dress and your brain says you are that female. In this fetish you are using objects as a substitute for human intimacy. In order to keep the levels of neurotransmitters high you have to keep pushing the envelope going further and further, deeper and deeper, into a fetish fantasy.

The way how the brain works: If you keep doing the same thing over and over and over, the brain fatigues and releases less neurotransmitters. So you feel as if you need to push the envelope and go further in order to achieve the higher levels of dopamine and neurotransmitters. Of course this is the unhealthy side of a fetish. You really need to keep this under control. If you limit yourself and keep it under control, then you have nothing to worry about. In fact, psychologists don't normally consider it a problem, unless you consider it a problem.

Its good that you don't have any problems with yourself, but i would hold back on the desire to tell your wife the way you feel. It makes perfect sense to want to open up to somebody but unless they could read your thoughts they would probably misinterprete it. Its best if you can just be happy with it to some extent. Although i have a different issue it has some paralells. I have a coping mechanism which spawns from abuse which re-routes desires for peoples nude bodies to desires for people in certain types of of intricate cloths. For me i had the opposite issues gender wise with fantasies, harboring a need to find cloths i liked on myself even though if i am honest i prefer woman. What has been said about subdueing this desire is important, but what is also important is making peace with it, that can be hard as any issues excepting yourself can lead you to thinking about it more. With my condition the best course for reducing the drive is to benchmark my desire for certain cloths right before sex, and then having regular sex. With you both desires probably still intermingle, you want to try to seperate them as much as possible so you can focus on your attraction to actual woman your with. Eventually when you seperate these desires you can move onto focusing more on actual physical contact instead of desires for clothing, or in your case imagining your woman.

Your case may actually be totally different, what i would worry about is if your imagining your a woman during sex as supposidly that type of blending can enhance the issue (in my case performing sex acts in cloths i enjoy would do as such)

I wish you luck with this as if it gets too strong you might loose some interest in actual sex, I think what others have posted is true so far, the most important thing though from my perspective as someone with similar is to work on reducing this drive while realizing there is nothing wrong with it.

Hope this may help, but to some extent i am on here asking similar questions, so i might not be the most help.

I'm a 60 year old Army veteran. I have all sorts of strange fantasies that I've masturbated to about every day of my life since puberty. My wife of over 25 years is fine with whatever sort of fantasies
I get into in cyberspace as long as it stays in cyberspace. Although I don't need sex, I've been very
good at it whenever I have sex because as Woody Allen once put it I practice a lot on my own. A few possible suggestions on how you might drop hints about your fetish to your wife without coming
right out and shocking her with it. There's lots of movies you might want to rent to watch with her involving guys dressing up a women such as "Some Like it Hot" for example. Watching those movies
with her and getting her into conversations about the characters in the film could be a safe way
to get information about how she'd react if she was Marilyn Monroe, what her concerns would be, and so forth. It might also be a good idea to let her pick some films for you to watch together which could give you a better idea of what sort of secret fantasies she might have in her own mind,
The better you know what people want the easier it is to get them to agree to what you want.

foomanchu wrote:You actually have a relatively common fetish called a transvestite fetish. You are a heterosexual cross-dresser. It means you are a normal, healthy, heterosexual with one little kink hard-wired in your brain. When you feminize yourself your brain releases dopamine and other neurotransmitters which produce sensations of well-being, pleasure, sexual gratification and bonding. Its just as if your brain interprets cross-dressing for actual contact with a female. You get all stimulated. The reward centers of your brain are activated. Unfortunately, it also mimics the addiction response. You cannot stop your brain from releasing these neurotransmitters.

Most men with this condition consider it a problem. It makes them feel guilt and shame. They are heterosexuals and they want a girlfriend, and they want to get married some day. So they limit their cross-dressing and keep it private, very private. That's cool. That's how they are able to keep it under control. Remember this mimics the addiction response, and you have to control it, or it will control you. So just set your limits and live within them.

You really don't love to wear women's clothing. You love the neurotransmitters. So you fantasize and use cross-dressing as the tools to get your brain to release them. You imagine an ideal feminine image and place yourself in that image. You cross-dress and your brain says you are that female. In this fetish you are using objects as a substitute for human intimacy. In order to keep the levels of neurotransmitters high you have to keep pushing the envelope going further and further, deeper and deeper, into a fetish fantasy.

The way how the brain works: If you keep doing the same thing over and over and over, the brain fatigues and releases less neurotransmitters. So you feel as if you need to push the envelope and go further in order to achieve the higher levels of dopamine and neurotransmitters. Of course this is the unhealthy side of a fetish. You really need to keep this under control. If you limit yourself and keep it under control, then you have nothing to worry about. In fact, psychologists don't normally consider it a problem, unless you consider it a problem.

I cannot thank you enough for this post, as it has been life altering for me. As I read through it every word resonated with my struggle for nearly 30 years. I thought perhaps I was bi-sexual and even dated a few guys, but never seemed satisfied that this was the real me. I have been living in a closet, telling no one, for decades and it was a shame that I couldn't figure out how to resolve.

I now realize that all this time I've had transvestite fetish. It started out small after my divorce in my early 30's and then rapidly snowballed from there. It went dormant for awhile when I married a second time, only to come back again. WTF was wrong with me?

Then I read this post and it's been liberating. I threw out all my women's clothes and feel this has no power over me anymore. Who I really am is a straight guy who craves intimacy with women, nothing more. For the first time I feel like I'm myself again mentally.

I wish this condition was talked about more. I'm wondering how many men think they are bit or considering gender reassignment from this confusion. Not saying there aren't legit people in those situations, but I wonder how many are more like myself with a fetish we are ignorant of, and can't talk about.

To the poster: if you want to lead a full, authentic life you will need to come clean with her. Examine why you have this fetish to begin with. What is lacking in your life that you are trying to connect with?

As foomanchu suggests, there is a dopamine hit you are getting. If you are happy with your fetish & your wife is onboard, then happy you! But having a secret will poison that relationship in the long run. Ask me how I know!

foomanchu: to close out you are a life saver. I will ever be in debt for your post and hope it helps others who find themselves in this situation: alone, confused, ashamed, and hurting.