A little note on gender dysphoria you may need to hear

Hello everyone,

Trigger warning: discussing gender sensitive topic.

I'm about to share some things that may help some of you that struggle with being trans or the idea of possibly being trans.

It's very simple: Experiencing gender dysphoria is not the same as being transgender!

That's the message, below I'll elaborate.

What do I mean?
Essentially, I see a lot of cases in which someone experiences gender dysphoria and immediately assume they are transgender; they may be but they may very well not be too.

Are you being transphobic?
I'm obviously going to say "no" to that, but I'll explain why I'm saying this and why I feel it's important to share.

- Being transgender is very likely caused in the same way sexuality is determined. This due to things such as hormone exposure during the prenatal development. It is therefore not a mental disorder.
- Gender dysphoria is more of a symptom that tends to go hand in hand with being trans or enby but is not a prerequisite for being non-cis. You can be trans without gender dysphoria. You can have gender dysphoria while being cis.

Some other things that can cause gender dysphoria in cis people:
- Borderline
- Autism
- Social environmental pressure
- Schizophrenia
- Trauma

Let your gender team experience the true you and help you find the real issue before you push transitioning. Transitioning can't be reversed easily and if your other issue can make you happy without the need to transition, then that's only good. You aren't a liar or less of a person regardless of whether you turn out trans or cis so just make sure you know what is causing your dysphoria and how to best make you feel better.

Thanks for coming to my TED talk.

Have a good one.

Thank you for the post! I'm especially appreciative of your admonition to be sure, really sure, that transitioning is what needs to be done- I've listened to enough detransitioners to think that a person needs to be really clear-headed when they pull that trigger, because there's no going back from some of that. There's no backsies; there's no Rewind button. It's a tragedy to need to transition to regain some semblance of mental health and balance, and not do so- but I think it's even worse to do so, and then realise that you made the wrong decision. and you can't fully reclaim your old self. I fear in the current year, it's become faddish and some folks think it's like changing outfits or getting a hair style that later on you don't like and think you can just pull backsies. No, you can't.

But once a person is sure. I've known people here that the change in their outlook on life was from night to day once the decision was made to transition, as if a huge weight was lifted off them. For the right person, it means the difference between wanting to live, and wanting to die. But you got to be absolutely sure.

Thanks for your response, Snaga! I'm glad you understood what I meant.

It's really hard to bring this message across properly without people thinking you're transphobic so I'm glad it was clear what I meant.

Recently I saw a post on this forum asking something along the lines of "how do I deal with gender dysphoria without transitioning?". That's what prompted me to share my view of the situation here. The fact that people think the only way out of gender dysphoria is transitioning honestly concerns me and if at least one more person understands this, then that's great already!

I've seen so many stories of people who get angry that they need to go through therapy before transitioning first and it honestly confuses me so much. Like, I have two great examples in my life actually. Two persons. They are very boyish and are uncomfortable with girly things but because they experience gender dysphoria, they assume they are trans and refuse to go into therapy because they are afraid to be deemed "just mentally ill". Why? Because... you want to be trans? That's the confusing bit to me. Why would you ever want to be trans? Why would you prefer to transition over having for example a trauma that you can recover from? I mean, trauma is definitely not great, don't get me wrong, but ... irreversible surgery vs something that allows me to remain myself and that I can get over? I know my choice.

I still call my friends by the pronouns and names they want, and I keep telling them whenever they doubt themselves (because they usually do it themselves, I don't remind them of how boyish they are) that I exhibit masculine traits and have hobbies and clothes that are deemed manly but I definitely consider myself cis-female. So I try to be supportive as best as I can, but I really don't get why people won't accept going into therapy first.

Triskelion wrote:It's really hard to bring this message across properly without people thinking you're transphobic

The fact that people think the only way out of gender dysphoria is transitioning honestly concerns me

I've seen so many stories of people who get angry that they need to go through therapy before transitioning first and it honestly confuses me so much

Why? Because... you want to be trans? That's the confusing bit to me. Why would you ever want to be trans? Why would you prefer to transition over having for example a trauma that you can recover from?

Well unfortunately, being Trans seems to be sort of a 'thing' right now, and worse, it's been politicized. It's become an identity. Politics is something we can't do on PF, so that's as much as I can say about it. But I think it makes it very hard for people to seek help that doesn't involve transitioning. I also suspect that having become part of intersectionality, it gives people that feel Different or not gender-stereotypical, something to glom onto, something to be. 'Oh, I must be Trans!' Being simply a tomboy, or a sissy, doesn't offer that sense of belonging. At least, that's part of what I think is going on in the current zeitgeist. And I sort of get it. I wish I'd been a girl. It would have suited me very nicely. But I'm not trans. I'm just a feminine guy.

There's always going to be some for whom nothing else will honestly do. For everyone else, though, there need to be options.