Born Male, Wanted to Be Female

My name's Arik, the masculine form of Ariel. I was born male, always acknowledged that I'm male but wanted to be a girl for several reasons. The first reason is vanity. Girls are prettier than boys, and I wanted to be pretty. The second reason is they're treated differently, have girl stuff, and do girl things.

I had no interest in reassignment surgery because, of my build, I'm 6' 2", an operation wouldn't give me what I wanted. I wanted to be a petite woman like we see with some Asian women. Tiny breasts are the prettiest. I could continue with my idea of a custom body, but I don't think that would be allowed.

I'm not interested in men, not even if I were a woman. I can't see myself as a woman with a woman unless it was limited to mutual touching. However, other than dating a few times, I never had a serious relationship. Therefore, such a discussion would be moot anyhow.

I shattered a gender stereotype, and I felt like I've been set free when I bought dolls from the Disney Store from December 2013 to early 2014. Later, I got Samantha from American Girl.

I'm fifty-two years old. I began to notice a shift four years ago when I looked at male role models such as Minoru from Chobits and the young buck from "note."

https://nsmmm.tumblr.com/page/8

Now I'm not sure which would be best, remain male but go for the cute boy look and find the right girl for me or be a girl and stay single.

I think it comes down to the difference between preferences, and gender dysphoria. I'd like to be a girl. I don't have to be one. My life is less rich; a disappointment; but it's not no life at all- and for those I've known with GID, it's no life at all, short of transitioning.

I think for some people, however, they might be happy either way- I would, if I thought transitioning were a viable option for me. It isn't, but since I don't consider myself properly Trans (because of the lack of life-endangering gender dysphoria), it's... just a bummer, but not the end of everything.

When you say you'd only be interested in being with a woman, with a woman, if there was only touching... is that with bottom surgery? Or unaltered 'down under'? I think functionality would depend a lot on how much hormone replacement therapy you were on- certainly porn stars like Bailey Jay or Daisy Taylor seem to have no problems in that department. Some women might.. not mind being with a girl with something extra. Or is it just the idea of being feminine, with a girl, turns you off, personally?

Arik wrote:I'm fifty-two years old.

Arik wrote:Now I'm not sure which would be best, remain male but go for the cute boy look and find the right girl for me or be a girl and stay single.

Well, without strong gender dysphoria, my idea is folks should tread carefully, when it comes to making the kind of alterations that come with transitioning. I contemplated hormones oh a good 25 or 30 years ago, and sort of set that pipe dream aside because of the lack of debilitating dysphoria. I feel as if a person needs to have a darn good reason, to turn their life upside down. And I didn't have that reason.

Snaga wrote:When you say you'd only be interested in being with a woman, with a woman, if there was only touching... is that with bottom surgery? Or unaltered 'down under'?

If I understand your question, I want a complete rebuild. I wish I could express how I feel, but to put it in a forum-friendly way, I don't want my male genitalia. I want female genitalia.

Snaga wrote:Or is it just the idea of being feminine, with a girl, turns you off, personally?

Having sex with someone of the same gender is a turnoff. However, as I stated above, I'm okay if two women touch or explore each other but nothing beyond that.

So full transition, then- bottom surgery isn't something to be taken lightly- I hear it's painful and difficult, and it's my understanding a lot of MtF decide not to do bottom surgery, even if they can afford it.

You're not interested in men, yet would not want to get too sexual with a woman, as a woman... so then, you're trying to decide if the desire to transition, trumps the sexual drive to have a woman as a sexual partner, then? Unless by exploring or touching, you mean manual or oral stimulation... which in that case, to me, sounds like sex. I wonder if you'd still feel that way, post-transition. I mean, it's one thing to not like lesbian porn, but the urge to merge might cause you to think well, it's different now, now it's Me. Just a thought. But if I read you right, it's more the idea of being the idealisation of female, that you're most drawn to, yes? This begins to sound like extreme autogynephila.

Snaga wrote:But if I read you right, it's more the idea of being the idealisation of female, that you're most drawn to, yes? This begins to sound like extreme autogynephila.

I was not familiar with that term. After reading the brief explanation, that sounds like me.

I would love to be able to look at my body as a female.

Who wouldn't? I'd want a full length mirror so I could admire myself.

If there's anything I do online that includes 3-D avatars.. I'm not going to be male. That is my catharsis, that's how I deal with it.

Snaga wrote:Who wouldn't? I'd want a full length mirror so I could admire myself.

When my dad needed physical therapy, a tiny Asian woman with minimum curvature did the house calls. I was with Dad as he did his therapy, hiding my real motivation for being there. The physical therapist had the type of body I wish I had.

Snaga wrote:You're not interested in men, yet would not want to get too sexual with a woman, as a woman... so then, you're trying to decide if the desire to transition, trumps the sexual drive to have a woman as a sexual partner, then? Unless by exploring or touching, you mean manual or oral stimulation... which in that case, to me, sounds like sex.

To put it bluntly, I mean mutual masturbation.

Do you think there's a reason you don't want more? Although I have to admit that is one of my more favorite forms of sexual contact.