Sometimes I feel like a girl inside

Hi all, this is my first post here and hopefully in the right place. I am a grown man. Ever since I was a child at times I felt like I was a little girl inside. I don't know how to explain it. I have no desire to change my sex or become a woman. I don't find men attractive at all (well maybe some men in the 18-25 yr old range with big dicks but that's besides the point I think). I'm not saying I find children attractive at all in a sexual way, it's just that I feel like a little girl inside sometimes. I get really turned on by dressing up as a little girl would, like a ballerina or fairy princess. Sometimes I see pretty little girls all dressed up and I get jealous that I don't look like them. I don't know what caused this but I do have a rare hormonal disorder in which my body doesn't naturally produce testosterone. When I was younger sometimes my mother would yell at me and call me names and tell me how girl like my body was. I feel like I'm crazy because I feel like these fantasies or desires or whatever they are will interfere if I ever have a normal relationship with a woman.

Hello, and welcome!

Is it that you think it is a preference that you'd been a girl, rather than an absolute necessity (such as in gender dysphoria)?

Does any of this resonate?

https://www.angelfire.com/ab6/polepino/ ... sbian.html

However, the idea of the 'male lesbian' does seem to depend upon no sexual desire for the same-sex, at all. I would fit a lot of that, except I know that I am quite bisexual.

Snaga wrote:Hello, and welcome!

Is it that you think it is a preference that you'd been a girl, rather than an absolute necessity (such as in gender dysphoria)?

Does any of this resonate?

https://www.angelfire.com/ab6/polepino/ ... sbian.html

However, the idea of the 'male lesbian' does seem to depend upon no sexual desire for the same-sex, at all. I would fit a lot of that, except I know that I am quite bisexual.

HI Snaga and thanks for the welcome. Wow I have never heard of the term "male lesbian" before. I can relate to a lot if that article. I don't know if the term fully fits me though but I can definitely relate to it. I have always thought it would be better to have been born female since I don't fit a lot of the stereotypes of men and I have often felt that I am extremely inadequate as a man. This is very embarassing to admit but because of my hormonal disorder my genitals are um, lets just say, not as developed as they should be for a man. I am also infertile. I am technically a natural born eunuch. It's strange because I most often see myself as a little girl, not a woman. I think I'm just totally screwed up!

Do you think you go to those kinds of thoughts, merely because of feelings of inadequacy, or because you feel it's more natural?

Snaga wrote:Do you think you go to those kinds of thoughts, merely because of feelings of inadequacy, or because you feel it's more natural?

I don't know for sure. Sometimes I think its just inadequacy but I wonder how the lack of testosterone affected my development. I may have affected my mind.

It's a possibility. I think some of what we turn out to be, happens in utero. Not all; but some.