Thoughts about GID

Hi... *weak wave* Boy am I feeling nervous. XD Sorry... even behind the anonymity of the screen, I can still feel the clench of my stomach. They say you should be happy about who you are and not be bothered by people's perceptions... but being overly sensitive, it's rather hard.

For the longest of time, I've felt that I've been in the wrong body... not to the point where I'd consider a sex change operation (my parents would NEVER allow me, anyway), seeing as it is expensive, probably painful, and permanent. I'm female, but I often dream of being the opposite sex, BEING the sort of person, the collection of traits I admire in a guy. Unfortunately, I've grown up in a conservative family... my mom does make an effort to understand, and I appreciate it, but it doesn't extend far enough. She is under the impression that I've 'put this upon myself', as in, read so much about this disorder that I've caused it. Maybe the 'symptoms' have been surfacing more strongly because of this, it could be, but I know that tomboyishness and semi-rebellion of my femaleness have started long before I could label my confusion with a name. I know I can't even THINK about confronting my dad... I can't imagine what he'd say, really.

Sometimes, I do consider what would happen if I lived life as a man. The thing is, I would have to tell the someone I loved the truth, which could send them packing. Being honest with oneself matters most... and redeciding one's gender seems to bring about its own share of problems, unfortunately.

Heuuui. I don't like fashion, I hate shopping for clothes and shoes (my mom practically does it for me), and I really dislike the superficial things which make me a woman, summed up by the word 'breasts'. Nyuurgh. I can't help but think that my gender is one of those 'luck of the draw' things, in which case fortune wasn't on my side.

I dream often of being a man, wondering how life would have changed if I had my personality intact, if I would know more people... I'd want to be the friendly and protective sort, the older brother type. In all, I feel I'd love myself, not in an arrogant sense, but be able to look at myself and say, this is right, and I am happy.

As the days pass, nothing seems to get any clearer. Ultimately, what matters to me most is how others perceive me because I've always sought acceptance. I know my self-perception should come first, but... yeah.

I think I dried myself out for the time being, though this has gotten my head spinning. I'm just glad I was able to express myself here out of lack of anyone to really approach. I keep thinking I'm weirding others out, which is why this is kept buried under the dirt.

Echhh. Well, thanks for listening. Take care, all of you.

Hi, Blushing Samurai,
Feeling one is in the wrong body is more common than most realize. If I could be in a male body, I know I would be more comfortable, too. Then the outside would match the inside. I've made do with the body I have, as it is a decent one, and trying to change it into a male body is just not feasable with today's limited technology. If there was a magic button to press that would put me in the right body I'd press it yesterday!
Also, I ask myself: what truly defines a male or a female? The silly artificial things that women are supposed to like such as shopping, or men are supposed to like, such as sports; these things don't truly define gender. As I have said before, we all have both male and female attributes. Some of us are more masculine, and some more feminine, regardless of our packaging. It is a spectrum, with some more male and some more female. It is all beautiful.
You need not feel ashamed of your inner perceptions. You certainly are not alone in this gender issue. Whether you make do with the body you have now, or decide to go with gender reasignment in the future, you can honor your true self by living as you feel most real.

Hi, Blushing Samurai,
firs of all i like to say thate i know how you feel i have the same type of fealing but instad of being a girl wanting to be a boy i am a boy wanting to be a girl
the thing is whate i want to say to you is try to be a boy fore a few days and see how its like (wish i could do it but its harder fore me) cus i am kinda nerves in the open but i got the great thing thate me mom realy understands how i feel so i dont have to worrie about thate but my dad wont understand at all maby we can talk somtime ^^ love timoty95