Transsexualism and mental health issues

Hello!

I would like to ask about personality disorders and other mental problems which have identity confusion as a symptom. I feel that I am male - to - female transsexual, but I also have HPD and NPD.

I am sure that I don't have schizophrenia, only few symptoms of BPD match.

Are there other disorders I should check before taking action on my transsexualism?

I don't have very strong GID since childhood, these feelings developed in teen years, so I am aware that I might be androgyne or there might be other reasons why I feel unsure about by identity.

Emily Ivy wrote:Hello!

I would like to ask about personality disorders and other mental problems which have identity confusion as a symptom. I feel that I am male - to - female transsexual, but I also have HPD and NPD.

I am sure that I don't have schizophrenia, only few symptoms of BPD match.

Are there other disorders I should check before taking action on my transsexualism?

I don't have very strong GID since childhood, these feelings developed in teen years, so I am aware that I might be androgyne or there might be other reasons why I feel unsure about by identity.

Hi, Emily Ivy,
Other reasons: have you ever been a victim of molestation, sexual abuse or other such trauma? Were your parents happy that you were the gender you were born into?
Usually people who feel they are in the wrong body feel that way from the beginning; as soon as they are able to recognize that there are boys and girls, and they identify with one or the other. Of course gender identification issues can start in one's teens also.
You may just be androgyne leaning towards the female end of the spectrum. I'm androgyne leaning towards the male end of the spectrum. Ask yourself if you could find self acceptance as androgyne, regardless of your physical body. If you have a decent healthy body now, it might be worth keeping it as it is.
You may ask yourself what does it really mean to you to be female or male. Try to sort out all the confusing and limiting social roles society tries to impose. Phony ideas like real women all wear high heels, or real men all like team sports ( really blatant examples of sexual stereo typing).
Until you are certain about who you really are, hold off on any drastic surgical type changes. Once the major surgical steps have been taken there is no going back! Deal with your identified personality disorder diagnoses, and any past trauma issues you may have first.

Thanks for the reply.

I doubt my experiences can be classified as traumas, but I have had few odd events in my life.
In 1st grade I had a friend, a boy who wanted to play sexual games with me. He had this idea that we should undress and touch each other. I remember that we had anal sex too, although I wouldn't call it sex, because we were 1st graders. He didn't force me to do anything, but I don't remember getting much joy out of it either. I think I had no idea what actually we were doing.
After few years he told other classmates about it and I was labeled as gay till I graduated that school. Almost everyone in class despised me, but I wasn't aware that it was because of that gay thing. In my early teens I asked myself a lot if I liked boys, but I had no interest in them.

Since 16 or so, some girls have showed interest in me and I found it odd. I couldn't understand why they liked me. I thought that two people should get close first and only then think about kissing, hugging or even something more. I remember that in 10th grade one girl had a big crush on me and I was freaked out. She wasn't ugly or stupid, it just felt wrong. At that time I came to conclusion that if I'm not gay, but I'm not attracted to girls sexually, then who am I?

My parents are really happy that I was born male. I was the first son to my father and mother thinks that it is good to be male in a patriarchal society.

I am quite sure that I couldn't cope as androgyne. I want to be seen as soft, gentle and peaceful. I believe that I have feminine charasteristics despite the fact that my PDs make me egoistical attention seeking emotional vampire. It is really hard to think about myself without my body in mind. I have spent last half year going through several doctors with a goal to get into hormone therapy. I hate some aspects of my body so much that I have problems going out in public. I would do sex change operation right now if I had a choice. I am pretty sure that I am transsexual, but I know that I have mental health issues as well and I don't want to take impulsive decisions.

Men can be soft, gentle and peaceful, too.
Usually people who are seriously considering sex reassignment surgery are counceled to live as the preferred gender for at least a year prior.
The big problem with sex reassignment surgery is that genetically you will still be XY and have to take hormones all your life. You also may lose erotic sensitivity in the parts that get rearranged.
Really explore what is it about being a male that you really are repelled by. Is it just physical things, like your genitals, or is it the expectations of society which sees you as male. Whatever it is about being male that you really can't abide, make dead certain you have indentified it before you do anything irreversable.
Would you be able to live as a gay fem? (A feminine male who prefers male partners). In a tolerant gay community such a person could find love and acceptance.
This issue here: "egoistical attention seeking emotional vampire"; sort this out with a skilled psychiatrist before you commit yourself to the knife.

Surgery is years ahead even if I would dream about it every night I just said that my gender identity problems are so strong that I would do surgery without a doubt.

I know the whole transition process - hormones, facial hair removal, changing voice and walk. And many other steps with the big one - surgery somewhere at the very end. I know that transition will change my life and there will be a lot of trouble.

I live in a post-USSR country and there is big discrimination against LGBT groups. People get beaten just because of their sexual preferences. And transitioning here scares me very much. That's why I'm so desperate to find other reasons for my identitiy confusion.

Living as a feminine male wouldn't be a solution. I don't want to be perceived as gay or male of any kind. I have tried to explore gay society and there is a big difference how gays like each other and how girls like straight males. My sexual orientation should't play such a big role. It is mystery even for myself, I guess asexual would decribe me the best. When I will transition, I will feel more confident and try agaian. I have had really good male pen-friends who treated me like a girl as I presented as one. I felt really happy about that, but in real life I can't know until I actually look and sound like a girl.

Emily Ivy wrote:Surgery is years ahead even if I would dream about it every night I just said that my gender identity problems are so strong that I would do surgery without a doubt.

I know the whole transition process - hormones, facial hair removal, changing voice and walk. And many other steps with the big one - surgery somewhere at the very end. I know that transition will change my life and there will be a lot of trouble.

Since your mind is made up on this matter, sorting out your personality issues may be easier to accomplish in a LGBT friendly environment.

http://www.gayteachersoverseas.com/Gay% ... index.html

Emily Ivy wrote:I live in a post-USSR country and there is big discrimination against LGBT groups. People get beaten just because of their sexual preferences. And transitioning here scares me very much. That's why I'm so desperate to find other reasons for my identitiy confusion.

Perhaps much of your personality problems are rooted in trying to function in a hostile environment. How well would any of us do in a society where we would have to live in fear 24/7?

Emily Ivy wrote:Living as a feminine male wouldn't be a solution. I don't want to be perceived as gay or male of any kind. I have tried to explore gay society and there is a big difference how gays like each other and how girls like straight males. My sexual orientation should't play such a big role. It is mystery even for myself, I guess asexual would decribe me the best. When I will transition, I will feel more confident and try agaian. I have had really good male pen-friends who treated me like a girl as I presented as one. I felt really happy about that, but in real life I can't know until I actually look and sound like a girl.

If you in your heart feel that you are a woman living in a man's body, and want the outside to match the inside, I can understand how desperate you are to be the person you feel you really should be in all ways. One really useful step would be to immigrate to a friendly country.That may not be easy to do, but if you are willing to go the whole gender reassignment route, adding the step of changing your residence is a simple small start in the right direction.
In a tolerant culture your personality may bloom, and you may be pleasantly surprised to find that you have no major personality flaws, just the wrong exterior gender, which will also be easier to transition in a tolerant place.

Thanks for all the directions. I'm only 20 and I have college ahead, so I may have opportunities to immigrate into a friendly country in future.

I don't live in fear, I am scared of future. Although sometimes I am afraid for no reason. Sometimes in my sad days I feel guilty just for existing.

Is is the hope for me - that my personality may improve a lot when I transition. I don't count on it, but I am sure I will be a lot happier and it will be easier to socialize.

Hi, Emily Ivy,
A change of scene will probably be just the thing you need, for both your personality issues and your transition.
I am wishing you the best on all fronts. Everyone should have the opportunity to exist as he or she feels they really are.
Fearing the future is like fearing the past; you aren't there, you are here, so try to relax in the here and now.