Closet issues

I've nearly come out of Denial. i.e. over being Bi at best - but probably Gay (80-20), i.e. I couldn't imagine myself choosing a woman over a man given similar attractiveness/hotness. I've called the LGBT center in L.A. Was encouraged/urged to come in, seek (psychological/groups) treatment there. Very nice people on the phones btw - super helpful and friendly - outstanding customer service skills. The issue is I'm now post-55, am known in my community, have built a lifetime lie about my sexuality, interests etc. (an ex once caught me with lipstick - and trust me more than just one shade). I had to lie, say "Oh that belonged to the girl from Hawaii - she said don't throw it out as it's expensive - she'll come for a visit etc."

I've called 12 Step Places for Sexual Sobriety (I've never physically had sex with a man). Even places considered PRIMARILY for the gay community (*mod edit*). Been encouraged by the great people there, etc. - very friendly all the way around.

but I'm frozen in place - frozen solid - afraid to take any action whatsoever - if this was a "Total Knee Replacement" the orthopedic surgeon would call it, quote, "Frozen knee." I make plans, google the directions, then either turn around or don't go. Very terrifying not to take even the very first step. Also frustrating of course - i.e. starting beating on myself.

Hello and welcome to the forums...

I understand what you mean about being afraid to take further action. It's hard, I would think, for a lot of us to turn our lives upside down. I know, I wouldn't be willing to.