gender weirdness

hey everyone,
second time posting on psychforums, first time here.

this is mostly a question directed toward other binary trans folks (women and men), but i'd super appreciate input from non-binary or gender non-conforming folks too because the nature of this question is directly about that binary or lack thereof.

do any of you consider yourselves to just... reject the idea of gender altogether? or even feel like you're transitioning to spite people who think that you shouldn't be allowed to look and feel the way that you want to?

i'm a trans man, i started T in november 2017. after trying to come out and being shouted down by my parents (thanks, ma and pa!), i denied being a trans guy for five years and went through a slew of different non-binary identities. realising last year that i was allowed to be a man was an incredibly freeing experience, and a moment that i'll never forget.

but i don't want to look like a cis man. i want to look like me. and i consistently assert myself as a man, especially when i'm not binding or when i don't pass. it's something that is integral to my identity as a man and the way i navigate my own transness. i consider my self to be a trans man, but my identity itself to be aggressively, decisively anti-gender. i want to spite everyone and everything that ever held me back from living as myself, and that genuinely is a huge part of my trans identity.

does anyone else feel that way or have you ever experienced this? what're your thoughts?

i have a friend who is gay. he confided this to me when we were both at university. it took me some fairly hard thinking to get my head around it. eventually, i decided it really wasn't relevant to our friendship. he is what he is. and i am what i am. i actually remember the precise moment that we became friends. it was during a games lesson at secondary school, and i had to spit on the ground to clear my throat. i wouldn't ordinarily have done that but i was choking a bit. some of the other boys started verbally attacking me and he rushed to my defence. and, i guess, that's what i liked about him. he's kind and thoughtful. whether that has something to do with his sexuality, maybe it does. but he's my friend. and he's a good friend too.

i honestly believe that hating people is futile. sure, a bit of righteous indignation can be a great motivator. but i think it's important to channel that motivation constructively.