This body will destroy me

I've tried for years to accept my body as it since being told lower body was not possible, but l can't and now only alcohol shuts down my feelings of failure.

It's not a personal failure, though. What more could anyone in your position do?

Alcohol will create an additional problem. You should try creativity to express what you feel. Learn an instrument or draw or something to put outside your inner self. This will help a lot to put it out of your chest. You will feel stronger and confident in your ability to tackle the obstacles in your path.