Am i gay? Am i trans or something?

Whenever i masturbate while watching porn, i dont imagine myself as the guy, but as the woman even though im male. When i ejaculate, i feel horrible about imagining that. In public places i think as a man, but when i get home and am alone for some time then some weird thoughts pass through my mind. I've put on female clothes on and masturbated and it felt good but when i ejaculated, i felt horrible and ashamed. So, am i gay or bi or i dont really know anymore/

Nobody can tell you what you are. I still can't classify myself. The one thing I can tell you is do not feel ashamed of your desires. I was in the same boat. Everything you have said, I have felt and wondered myself. It actually brought me back to that stage, which was not that long ago. Lol. I was convinced there was something wrong with me. I started to hate myself and distrust myself. You know what you desire. And those desires you described are beautiful and they are you. It is up to you to delve into those feelings to determine who you are. It is a scary path, but doesn't have to be lonely. I do much better in person than on these forums, so feel free to PM me. I am still confused, but I have learned to be happy with myself and with my confusion. As soon as you stop feeling shameful, you will have peace, and when you have peace, the fog thins.

Porn is not the answer. You need to get out there and meet people. Maybe a tomboy is ideal for you. You have to find out were you are at your best. You will feel really good when you do.

serpand wrote:Porn is not the answer. You need to get out there and meet people. Maybe a tomboy is ideal for you. You have to find out were you are at your best. You will feel really good when you do.

My favorite kind of girl....

I'm like you, Aleino. And ingenious is right, there's no shame in how you think and feel. And I really like serpand's idea about a Tomboy. I've always gravitated towards what I feel compliments the way I feel inside. In some ways, my s/o (who is a tomboy) and I have reversed roles and attitudes where she assumes the stereotypically male and I the female. With a girly-girl, nice as they can be to look at, all made up, I wouldn't feel right, not male enough or something. But that's not an issue with someone that also doesn't quite fit the expectations of her gender.

Hi,

Was planning on starting a whole new thread but then came across this one.

This is exactly me, although I don't go as far as to actually dress up.

You could be gay or bi, but not necessarily. Up until now I actually had no idea, but what we experience seems to be a type of femephilia. Basically you love femininity so much that you have these desires.

This finally makes completely sense to me, as to why I'm having these thoughts. Deep down we want to be women and we feel a need to express ourselves like this. Whenever we are not horny we suppress these desires and try to forget and deny.

*mod edit*

We are basically men with a sissy fetish who may or may not be bi- or homosexual.

I think it depends on how strong your attraction is and your willingness to act on your fantasy. You could still be heterosexual with a rather weird fetish if you ask me, but the fact that we have these fantasies is a sign that we are attracted to the same gender and that we do feel a need to identify as female on a deeper level. Don't know how this is going to sound but there's a chance we could have been females in our past life. That is, if you believe in this sort of thing. I know I do.

I for one do have to admit that I really enjoy these fantasies and that I do like the male gender a lot. It's probably best to accept these desires as latent homosexuality can lead to a lot of negative emotions.

If you're like me you are probably a latent bi or homosexual who's suppressing these desires. You'll also fantasize about forced sex with men, sexual assault and/or rape. You'll feel really jealous of girls when looking at porn. You'll masturbate to men most of the time. You may also have an anxiety or depressive disorder.

Please let me know. Really want to hear your thoughts on this as it's probably rare to have this.

Don't put as much pressure on yourself as me and be who you need or want to be is the best advise I can give. Don't be afraid of being trans, if you don't want to be you won't. That said, I do think we have a brain that is primarily feminin. I think the key to mental health is accepting this and letting go of suppression and resistance. Maybe acting out and experiment. Could be wrong but makes sense. I've worried a lot about religion and public opinion, but frankly, you'll always have these desires and there's not much you can do to fight this. The only option is full abstinence from all sexual activity, full blown denial and total repression. This of course may land you in a mental prison and a very unhappy life. You could have a superiority complex and start denying all of the above in the pursuit of religious goals and your own dignity (if you're like me). I honestly don't know where this would lead. The question we need to ask is if it's worth it. Maybe we need to just get it over with, see what it's like and go from there. If you're like me you'll obsess over this almost constantly, with your masculin side pushing this away as much as possible.

Take care. Hope to hear back from you.
Ken

Hi

Would like to add that porn probably isn't the best reference. It's indigestion for the mind really and I'm sure a lot of our thoughts are because of porn use.

If in reality you don't really feel like a girl or want to be one it's a good indicator porn is messing with your mind...

I'd edit the post above but I can't. Please know I somehow try to acknowledge these fantasies most when I'm horny. That's when I come on boards like this trying to find approvement and reassurance. But a fetish is still a fetish and I don't think porn contributes to good mental health at all. If anything, porn is very bad and a negative, evil influence that will rapidly cause addiction if you are prone to that.

I've had a porn addiction myself and I'm sure a lot of fetishes, uncertainty and mental health problems are because of those influences. Porn isn't real and works on stimulating primitive desires. Is it a perversion, I don't know. But it may be on par with pedophaelia in terms of immorality. I don't know really but all I can say is that I feel a lot worse when I look to porn for comfort.

The best advise is still to be yourself, but aside from porn. Follow your heart in real life not in the virtual one. That's where real happiness is found.
Hope this helps

Let 2018 be a year of personal development and happiness. Good luck.

Best regards
Ken

Well I hope you don't mind me jumping on board. I understand how you feel as I went through it, I'm single by the way, I'm 58 , to be honest I get confused still, I lost everything, kids ,home , jobs, grandkids . I never had urges towards men , well t/v c/d, but lost the missis through another woman, after she went ,I went full time, just decided , staying female. I found piece my self. But then I found two gay men turned me wild , so what ever happens, happens! Id love to meet some one like me, what ever that is. 1 thing id say what I know , face must be shaved, and male ,female, bi , trans ,I more attracted to old ,mature. So give your self a break ,, it wont leave you. good luck paula