Sexuality totally unclear. Sure to excite/mystify readers.

I posted a briefer version of this in one of the other forums, but I haven't gotten a response.

I'm currently a rising sophomore in college and I started feeling awkward about my sexuality in 7th grade, when I started getting sexual arousal from other guys' feet. That and the notion of tickling was the only thing I was aroused by. I became obsessed with the idea of tickling back then, but never actually tickled anyone. I just liked seeing guys getting tickled, so I went on tickling sites online and received pleasure from them. After around 9th or 10th grade, I stopped going on these sites. I've kept this to myself the whole time and have suppressed it by not thinking about it since.

I recently tried to see if I was aroused by the act of tickling other guys, and have found out that I exhibit little interest, and that I have little interest in tickling in general. It was just a phase, apparently. However, there have been side-effects: I find myself sexually attracted to a few guys. And by few, I literally mean, very few. It seems that any remaining sexual feelings that I've had have been directed at a friend of mine. Because of this, we're currently not talking to each other (he doesn't actually know any of this, but basically, I was worried that he hated me for various reasons, and ended up writing a 10 page letter that I think scared him away.)

As for girls, I have never been sexually attracted to girls, but I've always expressed interest. I've been able to hang around groups of girls quite comfortably, but only under certain circumstances. I can also talk to girls one-to-one just fine, but only girls that are not I guess, drop-dead-gorgeous. I also seem to have an inexplicable infatuation with the actress, Naomi Watts. But...I've never been close to a girl before (that is to say, I've never been to first base or beyond) so I really don't know if I would ultimately get stimulation or not.

So, right now, I'm practically asexual at this point. I get turned on every blue moon by random things (most of them, emotionally- related as I've explained before) and by my friend, apparently, but I don't have ANY desire to kiss him or have sex with him, honestly. I have wanted to hug him though...that is something that I have wanted. But I really just want to be friends with him again. That's all.

If I somehow did regain more of my sexuality (through a hormone increase), I don't know what would happen. I'm going to get a check up on this matter very soon, however. Any suggestions or thoughts that you may have about this, please share. My sexual life really doesn't mean a lot to me; what matters most to me at this point are my academic career and my friendships. I love people not for sex, but for who they are. What I want to know, however, is who I am sexually. Am I straight, am I gay, or am I bi? Or have I actually been able to do the unthinkable, and become asexual? My self-confidence is sure to skyrocket once I truly figure this all out. Tell me what you think. I won't take any information extremely seriously unless you're a professional (and even then, I'd be skeptical.) I want to know what you think though. Go for it.

Well, there is no way to say whether or not your homosexual, straight ect. That's a personal thing you'll have to figure out on your own. If your asking what it sounds like there isnt enough information to make a guess.....you like hanging out with avarage looking girl's, you at one time were aroused by the act of tickling (which would be a fetish). Your attracted to your friend but not sexually. And every so often you become aroused.

I have to ask if your transgendered. I had a friend and she found her sex drive deminished from the hormones she was taking.

Anyway it's all something you have to figure out, if it's causing you great stress then i suggest you either talk to a therapist or a sex therapist. There's nothing wrong with loving people not for sex, but for who they are. We should all try and strive for that.

I myself prefure a meaningful conversation over sex anyday, i infact am not all that fond of the act of penitration. Am i a weirdo for this?....perhaps. But i find more worth in an emotional connection...and i'm at peace with that.

Having an infatuation with with an actress or someone of a celebrity status is nothing to concern yourself with unless it is an unhealthy infatuation....and i dont believe it would be related to your other issue.

I'm sorry you and your friend are no longer speaking, people can be overwhelmed with information they dont expect. Maybe if you have a talk with him, and express you hold there friendship above all else......or whatever in your own words. He'll come to the same conclusion.

I hope i offered something, and i hope everything works out.

Keep your chin up.

You don't need to worry about whether you should call yourself Straight, Bi or Homosexual - we shouldn't need these words in order to classify ourselves to others or to ourselves. You are what you are, whether it's the 'norm' or not, and that's something we all deal with in our own ways.

Try not worrying so much about who you are attracted to and what acts you think you might like from whom - it'll be obvious when you do and it's just possible that by thinking about it so much you're creating the fetish because of the triggered release of hormones etc. Isn't it fun that you can be excited by so many things, get on with girls AND guys and have a good time in life. Have you any regrets about that? I doubt it. Just enjoy being you, time will tell you all you need to know about your sexuality

Try not worrying so much about who you are attracted to and what acts you think you might like from whom - it'll be obvious when you do and it's just possible that by thinking about it so much you're creating the fetish because of the triggered release of hormones etc. Isn't it fun that you can be excited by so many things, get on with girls AND guys and have a good time in life. Have you any regrets about that? I doubt it. Just enjoy being you, time will tell you all you need to know about your sexuality

This is an older post but I wanted to comment because this kind of response bothers me. "Try not worrying too much"? These are mental health forums! Sexuality is one the areas of one's life that is most suseptible to unconscious conflict. Simply trying to "not worry too much" is the modern world's sweep-everything-under-the-carpet approach to mental well being. Another, similar saying is - "If it feels good - do it". Its not advice you would offer a drug addict to help them get better, so why offer it to people whose drug of choice is essentially sexual fantasy?

There is a big difference between feeling good and potent and an absence of feeling bad and impotent. I think a lot of people go through life confusing these feelings. If you have spent your life feeling bad, temporary relief from it, wherever it can be found, is of course going to feel like its great - but temporarily. It wont enhance your life and its not a solid ground on which to build any kind of lasting wellbeing.

The root of most anxiety or unease about one's sexuality is going to be found in the unconscious. If you really want to find out who or 'what' you are, start looking deeper than the fantasies you project out into the world - and look past the acceptable standards of a society. Society seems to cop a lot of blame for this kind of thing. If the fantasies cause you distress, what is the nature of the distress once you remove the deceptive veil of sexuality. Where did it come from? What is the raw unresolved emotion behind it all?

If they dont cause distress, then I guess there is no reason to post here.