Long-time members - how are you doing?

I have spent countless hours reading this forum as I work through my gambling addiction. I have read so many posts from past members 2017 and prior, but then the posts more or less stop.

I'm wondering - how are you all doing?

I would like to hear your stories - triumphs and failures - it all helps. The triumphs give me hope and the failures help me deal with my own failures and guilt.

Also, NSR and Aries411 are particularly and INCREDIBLY inspirational, that just has to be said

Hi Charliebear !

We do hear back from some of our members once in a while and for the most part , their recovery journey is still going strong . It's always nice to get updates like that and I hope they all know they are always welcome to come back to the forum for support if it's needed . There is no judgement here .

It really is One Day At A Time . Some of us have a smooth path to recovery and some of us stop and start many times over . I do believe that relapse is not a failure . Giving up the fight because "It's too hard " and allowing our addiction to rule our lives is the failure , IMO . Relapse , bad as it is , can teach us a lot about ourselves . I've learned what triggers me , why I felt the need to escape from my life , how I can find ways to deal with stress and unhappiness instead of turning to gambling . I've learned that I have an addictive personality and how to temper that and recognize when I am forming an unhealthy dependence on activities or substances like sugar , alcohol or caffeine .

I hope your journey is going well ! Be proud of your commitment to fight your addiction and take back your life . It is a testament to your strength and character . In time , the guilt will fade . Addiction is not a choice . it's a disease . There will come a day when you realize that you have to forgive yourself so that you can move forward . The past can be a heavy load to carry . I'm not the same person I was when I was an active gambling addict ( or a sullen teenager or a 30-something party girl for that matter ). We grow , we change , we hopefully better ourselves .

Stay strong - you're doing great !

Hey Charliebear!

Thanks for the shout out! My early recovery had lots of failures. I tried many things such as GA, individual therapy, group therapy, in-patient care, exclusion, telling family members, giving up finances to wife, reading, blogging and meditation. And eventually I found the right combination that fit my lifestyle. Each of those attempts taught me something about myself that made my recovery stronger. It doesn't stop the irrational thoughts that pop in my head, but I am now well equipped to dismiss them and stop their hold on me. I think it is important to never give up and to keep modifying our recovery, especially when we relapse. Eventually we start to string those days, into months and into years. We can all eventually do it

With the support and experience of everyone in this forum, we can definitely help many people in need.

Yeah I totally agree with you Charliebear. NSR and Aries are truly great. They inspire us and this had help me a lot in overcoming my disease.

The battle is not over. Temptation may come and go. Sometimes in a different form. Life has its challenges. But life is better without another issue...the gambling issue.

I like to read the different perspective of Aries and NSR. And it is good to see old members coming back, and posting something here too.

I joined back in 2014 and tried to chronicle my journey, though I stopped posting for a few years I ultimately came back when things had gotten really bad for me.

When I look at my own struggles, I'm reminded that perhaps the most important thing is how you feel in the present moment. Being conscious and aware in the present will guide your future actions and ensure you align all of your values and principles with recovery. What I mean by that is I think many of us set our sights upon never gambling again without spending meaningful time in meditation understanding the nature of the addiction and how it infected our lives in the first place. It is filling a hole - but why is the hole there in the first place? If we don't address this then we repeat the cycle and eventually spiral downwards. For some this might happen over months, others (as in my case) many years but it will happen eventually. The scary thing for me was realising that most addicts never actually make it out - they may have dry spells here and there, but most become trapped for life.

Gambling is ultimately just a symptom of a larger problem in our lives - and if we don't address that, then we are bound to continue and spiral out of control. I've seen this in my own life and those close to me who also suffer this behavioral addiction. It is a malfunction of a reasoned thought process where we try and justify behavior's we know are wrong in order to receive the promises of a lie. The problem is as time goes on, we tolerate more and more of this bad behavior until one day we wake up and don't recognise what we have become. We look at ourselves in this moment and wonder how the hell did I get here?

I would close by saying what I've found works for me, is truly surrendering and letting go of the past. You need to truly look back and forgive yourself for what you did and not get caught into the trap of living out life as 'what if's'. Use this as motivation to make your future life so extraordinary that it could not have been achieved without what happened to you - that's the only way to change the past.

It's good to see a new post on this site, please continue to journal your progress and share your story. I will try and help where I can.

Hi movingon,

Good to see your postings.

I totally agree with you.

Just thought of adding this:
What we have is an addiction or more specific "a disease". Whatever your bet is...it is akin to drinking a poison and hoping it is a cure to your disease. The poison will never be the medicine.
Of course we are silly because we keep doing that, but unfortunately that is how our mind is wired now.
We have to get the wiring fixed before we can move on with our lives.

Great post Movingon,

movingon2014 wrote:I think many of us set our sights upon never gambling again without spending meaningful time in meditation understanding the nature of the addiction and how it infected our lives in the first place

I used to focus on 'just not gambling' and after a bit of soul searching, the 'why' became a very important question. For some, it might be easy to figure it out and usually it was fulfilling a deficit that we found in our lives. For me, I found that money equated to 'success' and that I wanted to be 'successful'. Being young, I was impatient and found that gambling could bring quick 'success' and I felt that it would make up for my poor marks in school. I was looking for a way to redeem myself and that was what started this cycle. After learning this, I have learned not to equate money with success. My barometer for success is happiness. I don't see a rich person who is unhappy as successful. I definitely can see a poor person who has found happiness in their life and who will die being content in life as the more successful individual. That is now how I live my life.

movingon2014 wrote:I would close by saying what I've found works for me

I was just curious, what has worked for you? This can useful for many who are struggling.

For me, I focus on mindfulness and CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) and participating on this forum of course!

movingon2014 wrote:I would close by saying what I've found works for me

Aries411 wrote:I was just curious, what has worked for you? This can useful for many who are struggling.

For me, I focus on mindfulness and CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) and participating on this forum of course!

A combination of things in addition to what I mentioned:
- Complete restriction on finances, no available credit or easy access to savings
- Removal of toxic individuals who create stress in my life and/or encourage gambling
- Total immersion in my work/other goals and scheduling my time as much as possible to avoid distractive thoughts
- A constant reminder (through daily meditation and review of journals) of the consequence of gambling, while being careful not to beat myself up too much on the past mistakes

Unfortunately for me, I fell into it too deep and it has some life changing consequences for me - however I constantly remind myself that now I have the motivation to become extraordinary in a way which was not possibly before I had gambled. So that is my primary goal now - money/success is secondary to that.

Hopefully we are not wasting our time - I fear we might have another 1 post wonder

movingon2014 wrote:
Gambling is ultimately just a symptom of a larger problem in our lives - and if we don't address that, then we are bound to continue and spiral out of control.

This is probably the biggest challenge in the journey to recovery. It's overwhelming to face the underlying cause of the addiction, but I know it's the only way to truly recover. It will take a lot of time and work.

One day at a time!