First post on Gambling Addiction - till I quit thoroughly

I would never think that I would post something like this here.

43 yrs old, with a proper job in the education line and decent pay. I started visiting casinos in malaysia twice yearly. Occasionally, I would win but most of the time I lost. It never crosses my mind with that couple of thousands dollars per year which i treated myself sort of like a holiday looking and enjoying the slot bonus with thrilling animations during the games.

Back in my country, I would just punt on lottery with a few 10s of dollars and winning or losing never crosses my mind since it doesn't affect my life at all.

Things started to change when my country started to built casinos 5-6 years ago. I started frequent visits and sometimes, I even stay overnight for this addictions. I remembered for once I lost nearly 20k and I came home feeling that I am a zombie and life in a big mess. I punt away my salary, my bonuses and my savings. Over in all I estimated that I have lost nearly 100k in nearly 3 years back in 2017. I took on a restraint order on myself which prohibits me from my visit to casino at 2017 Dec.

I told myself I would never ever visit a casino again. Guess what?
I took on soccer betting. From a ticket costing $5 to nearly a match of up to 2k. I incur a further loss of another 40k in mid 2018. I finally convince myself to quit soccer betting till today telling myself that matches are frequently fix by the powerful and rich book keepers supporting the clubs with footballer in huge salary of millions of dollars. So in turn they earn 100s of millions from the matches.

From mid 2018 onwards, I discovered online gambling aka online casino. Its a very convenience way of play. You stay at home at the comfort of your surroundings and flexibility, you do not have to travel and it is so easily accessible from a laptop away. I only play on slots and roulette. I do win, a decent winning streak would give me around 30-40k in two weeks of daily visit online doing around 2-4 hours of playing. Of course that doesn't happen frequently perhaps once or twice in a duration of a year but 1-2 days of losing days saw my entire profit plus another 20-30k of savings gone with the winds.

2019 -2020 saw the biggest losses in my life. I max out all my savings, credit lines and sold away all my jewelries. At the end till today, I owe the banks a total of 120k, owe my brother 10k, my relatives 10k, my colleagues and friend 10k and my bank savings is almost nil. I gone into my country phone counselling helpline for gambling addiction in dec 2019 , but it didn't work and things gone real bad as of today i am typing here blaming myself and causing myself so much miseries.

When I have the money, I hope to win more so to expedite the bank payments or those whom I owe. I do win a couple of hundreds or thousands, but greediness took over me as any logical person would understand that the odds will win over you over prolonged play time. And once I lost, the thoughts of I do win comes in and I would start pouring all my savings into it to recoup the losses which usually turns out to be even more deadly.

Today is 21 Jan 2021, I promised myself I will no longer go into any online casino website ever again.

I start this thread as my day 1 of quitting gambling in online casino. And weekly I will come in to update my status.

Wishing for a speedy recovery for my sick mental illness.

Thanks for reading

Welcome Paranomic !

Well done on making the decision to take back your life ! Gambling addiction is a brutal disease and it will take time and strength to overcome the urges to gamble . You have the strength . What you need now is a plan .

Please look over our strategies thread if you haven't already . There is a lot of good advice there on setting up roadblocks and fighting off the urges . We have all been where you are and you are not alone in this battle .

You CAN be free of this . It isn't easy nor is it quick . There is no one single thing that will help you quit gambling , it's a war that is won by a thousand little victories . We'll be here for you whether you are celebrating your gamble-free milestones or struggling to get through to the next day . There is no judgement here .

Stay strong !

Hi paranomic,

Take the first step to acknowledge that you have a condition which doesn't have a cure, is the most important step.

It is only prevention we can achieve success. Prevention from going back into the vicious cycle that brought you into your current situation.

You have to place all measures to prevent you from going back into any forms of betting, be it online or offline.

You have come to the right place. Here lies the resources to quit, all the methods and sharing. Choose the ones which works well for you.
1. Live a day at a time. Every day of GF is victory.
2. Acknowledge money lost can't be recover by shortcuts except through our own labour. Like others, we have earn it through honest means, to pay our debts.
3. Take measures to avoid falling into the same situation like before. Either get someone to manage your finances, use blocking software in your devices, opt out from sites etc etc. Ample of methods can be obtained in this forum.

I believe you can do it like many over here, who have attained great success.

Take care, stay safe and keep posting.

24-Jan - no touch on the usual gambling site.

Installed betblocker on my laptop. Last few days, there are occurrences of relapses, however, have managed to divert the urge away. Hope I can continue to be strong. Gambling is evil and it has brought so much miseries to many people and families. I must remind myself of this and it has already brought me to this sad state. I must not hurt myself, this addiction is fatal if I cannot kick it off away.

Thanks for the kind advices and encouragement from the replies. I shall be strong. Will update truthfully on next weekend.

Thanks guys and be strong.

Keep it up paranomic. The temptations that come to head, to lure you back into betting are lies.

Stay safe and stay strong.

30-Jan-2021

9 days from online casino free.

Last few days I have been watching youtube videos, streaming on streamers play slots, plentiful of winnings and the temptation was very strong. I confessed I am very tempted, and my brain was telling me "comeon, just deposit a couple of hundreds, you can be like of of the winners, you may even clear the debts you owe to the banks and to the persons whom you owe. Remember you did won thousands or 10+k of winnings before"

1) Thanks to the application blocker I have installed
2) Thanks to all you guys for your words of encouragement
3) Thanks to my other logical mind, I knew, it is a trap

I did not lay a single cent into the online casino.

I must confessed being clean that 1+ year ago when I quitted for a period of time..hmm about 2-3 weeks, after viewing those youtube videos on slots and enjoying/seeing how these people win, I have gone back to my old ways and started gambling online. Today, I see these videos, I am able to conquer and let my actions do the talking.

Quitting is not able doing the talk and typing on the forums to remind yourself. Its able putting real actions. And these few days, I really experience the dangers of an addict whom is quitting but mixing with the wrong people or getting into the wrong experience again. These are heartfelt words from my heart.

The brain/memories that you have won will tempt you. Its a battle. The feel of winning/ the return of such a unreal world exists that one must realise and be able to stand on its ground and rethink how much time, grief and miseries that gambling has brought me to this state and almost destroy me.

I must live and I want to live on! And in order to live normally (due to the debts) maybe I may need another 5-8 years to clear all these debts. Unless I want to die, ###$ u gambling (Sorry for the profanities) ! It has destroyed countless lives and families.

Get out of my life completely!.

I must say that you inspire me. Our GF days are not far apart, but you seems to have the realisation and thoughts of a "sober" person. Keep it up.

Thanks Richard for the encouragement.

I am now starting to view those youtube clips on Huge losses. After viewing those winning clips and luckily being able to curb myself and rationalize my thoughts. Looking at those huge losses clips brought me back to ground zero and reflecting once again on my ignorance and greedy self once I used to be.

We will succeed and for each day we pull ourselves away from gambling and being GF each day. The self restraint and discipline keep getting stronger. I must also constantly remind myself that the devils will be there always around the corner taking every opportunity to tempt me. Be it an unhappy day with work, squabbling with spouse or etc.. these are the "unhealthy" energies that once lure us to forget to return to the gambling excitement. Therefore everyday I have to make peace in my inner self to stay cool and keep away from these unwholesome actions that will cause miseries and even death.

Cheers.

Shall always be truthful and post the updates here weekly. Bless us all.

You seems to be very much on track buddy.

Temptation comes in many form...fight with spouse, unhappiness at work, stress etc etc, but we must steer away from our former addiction habits.
I tried to give other sweetness to my life in bad days, like rewarding myself with a Snickers or going for a car stroll.

We just have to not bleed anymore.

Day 27 of GF.

and I promise you IT WILL GET BETTER!
the brain will reset and you will find joy and happiness in things other than "G".
Glad to see you have TOOLS to protect you
the blocking
excluding from casinos saved me
GA helped me - a caring place the UNDERSTOOD and I really can reveal ANYTHING there
the 800 number when times are tough
friends and community
Best to you!