Quitting for Good

We fall, we rise.
Lol. I was in tears 2 weeks ago, now I'm smiling. Haah...what a twist of fate.

I managed to be GF for 8 months plus. And end of April, when my boss delayed my salary, which I thought he wouldn't pay (company was already going down, current state - kaput), a thought came to my mind that I should try a method or strategy to my former drug, the game of "ba******" to beat its randomness, and make money in the process.
It was pure luck, I made a lot initially (almost able to cover 2 months of salary, and thought I could sustain it. And then the devil's whisper came...that I could make a living out of this. Lol...soon enough, the strategy was a fluke, and I started to lose.

My trigger was this, I was vulnerable. Needing to have an income replacement since I know someday my boss is not going to pay me. I did apply for new jobs but the results weren't coming fast enough, and at one point the temptation to gamble...the thought came, and I just failed to quash it immediately.

Anyway, the good news is that I didn't lose that much, it wasn't an expensive lesson.
And I just recently secured a good paying job. I hope and pray to God that I would never ever have to go down this path again.

Last day I placed a bet: 24th May 2023. Day 20th of GF.
Today, I will not gamble.

A small stumble, but now you're back on track well done. The mindset is so important and you haven't let that little slip keep you down.

Don't feel like you're starting at zero again - you would have learned so much about yourself these last 8 months you just need to resume that journey. A timely reminder that for us it really doesn't matter how much you win, every time we gamble it's another step towards perpetual misery and ruin.

I agree with Movingon 100% . Our time away from gambling does not become meaningless because of a relapse . 8 months is a huge accomplishment and one that you can be proud of . it gives you a goal and a milestone to beat going forward . It has taught you valuable lessons about yourself and your addiction .

I'm glad you recognized the trigger and I'm sorry you were in such a stressful place with your job . Congratulations on the new job and the new start of your recovery ! You can do this .

I agree as well. I have never seen anyone whose recover has been smooth. There are always bumps and relapses, but it is always important to learn from them and it seems like you have. When I thought I had everything figured out and was 3.5 yrs gamble free, I had 2 relapses. Those relapses taught me something valuable about my inner workings and help me build a better plan for recover. I am sure that this gf stretch is going to be a big one... I can feel it!!

I'm so touched by your replies, Movingon, NSR and Aries. It means a lot since I'm not relating about my GF journey anywhere else except here. Thank you.

I was a bit disappointed with myself initially, but like you said Movingon and Aries, I felt that I should not be discounting the 8 months of achievement.

During the period of relapse, I kept on coming to this forum. Felt awkward, but only later I realised that I was fooling myself thinking that I could make a living by gambling. No point of having positive mindset, not thinking of negative at all, because this doesn't work. Gambling doesn't pay. Period.

Thanks for sharing Aries on your past. It helps me understand better that I'm not alone being this way.
I too feel it that this stretch will be much further.

i had my regular appt with my GA Clinician and she said i need to pat myself on the back for coming “this far,” well i’ve only been in recovery for 3 weeks (so personally i don’t accept that as an achievement - for me) and she said stop beating myself up . . . i dunno i just don’t accept that it’s only been 3 weeks and she showed me this chart which i’ll share later since i have limited access at the moment with Wifi connection

Just sharing my road on recovery Thanks for reading

Hi ANGELX,
Quitting 3 weeks is indeed an achievement.

I remembered the relapse episode this time since it was not long ago. I put myself through that emotional distraught again, although on the financial side the loss was minimal.
Frankly, it was a sh*tty feeling, all that emotional stress affected my relationship with other and my peace. I lost focus on other daily obligations. I wasted precious time. I really hated that episode and I myself was puzzled for allowing this to happen again.

I realised that I took for granted the peace that came being GF. Life will have its own problems but adding this only makes it worse.

i just don’t get how all these “pro gamblers” be winning THOUSANDS but gambling THOUSANDS as well ! and making a living off it .

ANGELX wrote: i just don’t get how all these “pro gamblers” be winning THOUSANDS but gambling THOUSANDS as well ! and making a living off it .

I think it is best we don't try to figure this thing out. We will be on the losing side.

It is almost 2 months being GF. I will not gamble today and this weekend.

Last day I placed a bet: 24th May 2023.