POVERTY IS NO JOKE

Just an update on my situation for those who are still dealing with gambling problems and for those who still come to this website to read posts within these forums, I relapsed once again.

It never seems to be a problem until we lose. I know myself well by now, I cannot gamble like a regular person. Even when I hit my goal, the thrill from the ease of obtaining that money causes me to continue to play, and we all know that the house wins when that happens.

The reason I titled this forum POVERTY IS NO JOKE is because this relapse was directly linked to my funds. I was born into a poor family. After acquiring my Bachelor's Degrees and finding work, I had/have been making just enough to live paycheck to paycheck.

Unfortunately, the place I work was temporarily shut down due to the coronavirus and I am an hourly wage employee. What do I do? I convince myself I can survive winning a bit day by day at the casino. No strategy is guarantee, no matter how well thought out, because if so, the casino would have already removed that game or bet from their casino. Even with my so called strategy somewhat working, I didn't leave, again, because of the thrill, and wanting to get ahead after being so behind for so long. I have lost so much money at the casino over my lifetime, that it's always in the back of my head that it won't hurt to stay longer and try to win more.

In conclusion, here I am again, with no money. My problem is when I am losing I will chase until there is no more cash left to my name. It has happened over and over again. So once again, I am here after losing everything I had saved ($2,000), without the money I needed to get my car worked on, to get my clothes for an interview, and to get the necessities needed day to day such as food, water, gas, etc. None of this ever runs through a gambler's mind as they are playing. They always believe they will hit that bonus or catch a streak and leave with their money back if not more. It isn't until everything is gone that the gambler realizes they don't have money for the basic necessities.

Anywho, I titled this post POVERTY IS NO JOKE because some have argued that gambling isn't a money problem. I have witnessed with my own eyes that this is true for some people. I have seen people who are more than well off lose plenty of money, seemingly for the rush. But for me, money has been the root of my issue. The funny thing is, I never seem to win for what I need the money for. The best I ever remember it being is me winning for that day, then going to buy basic things such as juice, house necessities, etc., but then less than a few days later, the remaining funds disappear.

Anywho, that is my update. I am in a rough situation once again. I just hope I am able to make rent, as I don't have many alternative options. If you believe in God, please send a prayer up for me. I try hard to make it. When I do relapse, I don't go throwing money away to the casino, I am there trying to win. Of course that's not a good excuse, but it is not destructive behavior as much as it is me being desperate for money. Anywho, once again, if you believe in God, please send some prayers up for me that I am able to make it through this rough time, and that I can be blessed enough to come across an occupation that will take me out of this financial situation that has me barely getting by.

BadluckLeavesMeBroke wrote:When I do relapse, I don't go throwing money away to the casino, I am there trying to win. Of course that's not a good excuse, but it is not destructive behavior as much as it is me being desperate for money.

BadLuck , I am going to be blunt but please believe I mean this kindly . You ARE throwing money away at the casino and it IS destructive behavior . Your addiction is justifying your gambling . That's the voice of the disease uttering those words , not someone who has a clear view of the damage they're doing to themselves , financially and mentally . Yes , you know it's happening but when the addiction talks , you listen and you are allowing yourself to believe what it's telling you .

I have seen some great self-insight in your last few posts . In my case , I didn't know or even want to understand the reasons why I became a gambling addict until I was well into my recovery . But the bottom line for me was : it wasn't about money . It wasn't about anything the addiction told me it was about . It was about a deeper unhappiness with myself and my life .

I'm putting it to you this way - you're ruining your present life by trying to gamble your way into a better one . It's not going to happen , no matter how much the addiction promises you that it's possible .

Addiction lies . We can choose to not believe it .