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Gambling is the only thing I enjoy

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Gambling is the only thing I enjoy

Postby holly20 » Fri Mar 06, 2020 12:29 am

Hi guys,

So yeh the title says it all really-gambling is the only thing that's ever made me happy, I know that's incredibly sad but I've never understood what else there is to enjoy in life because I genuinely have enjoyed very little since I was born. There is no feeling like getting a big win-although I finally did get my biggest win late last year and thought I'd be dancing round the room but i wasn't, I was quite blase-maybe because I knew in the end i'd spend most of it on slots which is what happened despite staying off them for 3 weeks after my win. It wasn't a huge win, small potatoes to a lot on here (2k) but for me it was a big win but it soon went.

I'm still waiting for the life changing win but I want to quit because I think slots are hugely skewed in the sites favour (well duh) I don't even get a good play anymore most of the time, I can't believe how they get away with such poor payouts. Even the 2k I won wasn't on slots it was another form of gambling. I just don't know what else to do with life-I'm not interested in a relationship or having kids (I already decided in my teens that I'd never ever curse an innocent child with life and that's never changed-I'd never want a child of mine to go through even half of the crap I've dealt with in life). I just wish I'd never ever been born life is such a horrible burden and responsibility I don't know what anyone is supposed to do with it.

Problem is I'm in limbo as I spend most of my minimum wage money on gambling so I never have any money and no savings. But I look forward to playing after a horrible boring day at work. And I get so bored in the evenings as I have no social life (never enjoyed socialising either of course) but after I've lost all my money I get so frustrated, slots aren't even a good reliever of boredom-I can be on them 20 minutes or less and lose all my money. I just don't know what to do. I'm a decade behind other people my age, I have nothing-not just because of gambling, I've always been frivolous with money and emotionally immature-without gambling I'm sure I'd have managed to spend all my money just the same and never achieved anything due to having no self-confidence. I guess what I'm saying is I need to quit and be more responsible with money but gambling is the only thing I enjoy and I gamble every single day so I don't know how to go about quitting.
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Re: Gambling is the only thing I enjoy

Postby NewSunRising » Fri Mar 06, 2020 2:22 am

Welcome to the forum Holly20 !

During my years of active gambling addiction , I had so many reasons why I gambled . For a long time , I was 100% sure that I didn't want to stop . Then came the awful day when I realized that I actually couldn't stop , even when I wanted to . Even when I tried to . Even when I desperately needed to .

Addiction must be fed in order to stay alive . In my case , denying it the "food" caused it to go into overdrive to convince me to gamble again . I was making a decision to quit and my addiction was fighting that decision and overturning it . That's when I discovered what I was up against . My own mind was lying to me .

It told me I didn't really have a problem , I deserved to have some fun , I wasn't hurting anybody . It gave me " rules " to follow . It said I could gamble a little / only on weekends / only with a dollar limit . All of this was BS . Time and time again , I gambled away every cent I had , every "rule" forgotten as soon as I started playing . It told me that what I was doing was fun and relaxing and harmless . In reality , it was none of those things . It was destroying me financially , mentally and spiritually . It convinced me that gambling was all I had to look forward to . I believed that lie for years .

Gambling addiction made itself my Number One priority . Nothing else seemed fun or interesting or even appealing . Friends , family , my health , my future - none of that mattered . Even winning didn't matter anymore . Only being able to get some more money and gamble again mattered . That's all the addiction would allow me to do with my life - feed it .

You won't know how much control it has over you until you try to stop doing it . When you're ready for that battle , we'll be here for you .
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Re: Gambling is the only thing I enjoy

Postby Spinster » Fri Mar 06, 2020 3:04 pm

Hi Holly. Your post really speaks to me. Gambling was such an "escape", at least until the money ran out. I remember the feeling of walking through the door with cash in my wallet, hearing the music, smelling the air freshener, and feeling the "possibilities". At a certain point, that feeling of "possibility" soon turned to dread and now I shudder at the thought of walking through those doors.

I also understand when you say it's the only thing you enjoy. I guess technically I did "enjoy" other things, but nothing else gave me that feeling of escapism. Like, I enjoyed watching Netflix, and cooking, (and drinking, :roll: which I also had to stop) and doing outdoor activities, such as paddleboarding, but it's so quiet on the lake, I was alone with thoughts that I really didn't want to dwell on. The lights and bells in the casino block all that out. Eventually I had to do the work and get my life to a place where I didn't need to escape from it so badly. That lessened the desire to go to the casino.

Honestly, I never told her this, and probably should have :) , but one thing that jump-started me was the advice given here by NewSunRising. She said some things that I kept running through my head and actually started to change my thinking for the first time ever. No one thing is a "magical solution", but a lot of little things add up and gradually contribute to success.

I wish you happiness and peace, Holly. You DO deserve it. I hope you believe that.
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Re: Gambling is the only thing I enjoy

Postby Aries411 » Fri Mar 06, 2020 11:30 pm

Hey Holly,

I think everyone here can relate to how much joy gambling can give us. When we are in the midst of gambling, it is our greatest sense of joy. I think the movie Owning Mahowny said it best:

Psychologist: How would you rate the thrill you got from gambling, on a scale of one to 100?
Dan Mahowny: Um... hundred.
Psychologist: And what about the biggest thrill you've ever had outside of gambling?
Dan Mahowny: Twenty.”

It may seem that gambling is the only sense of joy, however the gambling is filling something deeper. This 'joy' is coming from a need, or a void that you want to fill. Searching for what it gives you and choosing an healthier way of achieving it can help you reduce some of the urges.
As for quitting, that is quite tough if you gamble each day. I am a big fan of self-exclusion and GA meetings. This addiction is too tough to tackle on our own. It is much easier to do it as a group. A burden shared is a burdened halved.

Lets just start with one day and I hope you are success tomorrow (and perhaps were today!)
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Re: Gambling is the only thing I enjoy

Postby holly20 » Sat Mar 07, 2020 10:11 pm

Thanks for the messages really appreciate them. Just lost 2 msgs when I went to log in too depressed to write them all out again but really appreiciate the support thanks
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Re: Gambling is the only thing I enjoy

Postby rainbowcolor » Sun Mar 08, 2020 4:38 am

Hi Holly,

Gambling also used to dominate my life as well as my spouse because we go everywhere together. We were at many casinos about 6 days a week because at that time I felt it was a waste to leave all the free plays and goodies on the table.

The party ended when I realized gambling really sucks and I am tired of seeing all the unhappy and depressed people in the casinos, I want a better life for us and I hope you too will find joy in other thing beside gambling.
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Re: Gambling is the only thing I enjoy

Postby 58gambling » Sun Mar 08, 2020 4:24 pm

Surely you must all know the atmosphere and environment at many casinos (if not all) are set up with sights, sounds, and even smells to lure human animals into its trap and keep them there....I don't like to put it this way, but I think it helps to see the reality of what they do. Sure, since I was a little kid brought into Las Vegas by my parents "on vacation" I was instantly mesmerized and attracted by the flashing lights and clanging of coins falling into the metal trays....I wished then that I could hurry up and grow up so that I could participate in the "fun"! Many years and hundreds of thousands of dollars later, I hope I have learned my lesson and never go back......We all need to remind ourselves there are so many other pleasures and sources of "fun" in this world which may bring us true happiness and health....
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Re: Gambling is the only thing I enjoy

Postby holly20 » Mon Mar 09, 2020 12:01 am

Well I've never set foot in an adult casino personally (too much of a recluse) as a kid when I wasn't so reclusive I used to love the arcades though but I wouldn't go in one now. If I didn't have such social anxiety and I lived near a casino I can totally see how I'd be in one all the time though and the appeal of them.
But I know the online slots are designed to reel you in with the colors and the bonus rounds. I always have to get a bonus round and sometimes they are so scarce, I could literally be up by how much I said I wanted to be up by but not had a bonus round yet so I keep playing...could lose everything just waiting for one they are so elusive sometimes, ridiculous really. I think all the slots I play have bonus rounds, not so interested in the ones without, I chase the bonuses. Get such a big rush every time I get one.

Aries that quote hits the nail on the head for me. People say there are lots of things to enjoy in life but I can't think of anything I've ever enjoyed except going to a concert and the low after that high the next day is even worse than losing hundreds gambling (for me). Never enjoyed anything else in life, think it's because I'm an introvert.

Spinster-you are right it is such an escape. I don't have to think about anything else when I'm playing them. I'm 3 days gf on slots now and going well, I'm still doing other forms of gambling-I know it's not the best idea but I can control the other types of gambling I do, it gets a bit rough if I lose on the other gambling (wanting to make up the losses on slots) but now I've told myself to just accept the losses on the other gambling (which is next to impossible on slots-they are so much more addictive than other forms of gambling for me). So we'll see how it goes, determined to go the whole month without touching slots. Thanks guys x
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Re: Gambling is the only thing I enjoy

Postby Jemerson2015 » Fri Apr 03, 2020 3:17 am

I pray that someday you'll realize that you enjoy countless things more than gambling. Addiction messes with our minds so much that we actually believe that but once you get control you'll realize how wrong you are.

I promise.
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Re: Gambling is the only thing I enjoy

Postby holly20 » Fri Apr 17, 2020 1:01 am

Hi thanks but like I said I've felt this way since I was born so long before I ever gambled. If others enjoy life great for them but I never have not one minute except getting a big win. Not sure what there is to enjoy in life or that it is supposed to be fun-it certainly wasn't in most points of history and it isn't now-it's just that most of the rest of the world have now realised what I knew all along that life is just misery and extreme suffering. Anyone enjoying life right now must be in denial or never watch the news. My mind is not messed up by gambling! Life is the only thing that messed my mind up years ago.
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